Neighbour From Hell

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by WolvoExPunk, Dec 19, 2012.

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  1. Neighbour from hell, 83, faces jail over campaign of 'psychological warfare' that saw her torment young mother over dead baby all because of a football in her garden | Mail Online

    Sounds a right demented old fucking witch here. Too old to have her windows put in, or a good slap, but not too old to be a victim of a cruel hoax. I would defo be up for letter her think I'm selling up. Saw hello to your new neighbours. I hope you'll all be very happy together...

    Who would you say her new neighbours are to be?

    a) Biker clubhouse, first English chapter of the Bandidos. Hope the Hells Angels don't pertol bomb the wrong house!!!!
    b) Radical Jihadist cleric, with multiple wives and kids and has lotsa brothers drop by.
    c) Drum n Bass MC who loves to play his choonz day and night. Loud.
    d) Manager of a Blood & Honour band, who lets them rehearse in the garage.
    e) Nudist couple with lotsa like minded friends. Can't wait for the Summer.

    What would you do if she was your neighbour?
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  2. Bogus call her and steal her life savings then act as pikeys doing bodged DIY guttering/facias/roofing drives then come back and steal the lead from her roof
  3. I'd force feed her dog shit in the hope she contracts hepatitis and dies a long and slow death -

    ...The vile stinking shitcunt...
  4. You average Saturday night in Stevenston then?
  5. You could have hours of fun with a neighbour like that, she'd easily lose her temper, have a death raffle, invite her to pick a date, grow conifers, keep pigs, get a yappy dog, order her lots of things from the Sunday papers. It's quite a fun thing to do get all the sunday papers, fill in anything thats freepost, time shares, impotence cures, holidays, bunion treatments. They never stop coming, ever, they sell the addresses on and they come forever.
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  6. Sign her up to loads of mailing lists from companies like Pabo so she gets loads of grot through her letterbox, order pizzas and takeaways to her house in the middle of the night, draft the local teenagers in to play knock & run on her at all hours. Subtle and childish, but likely would have the desired effect.
  7. Invite a load of black or Fijian guys for a bbq and intoduce them as the new neighbours.

    Am sure a few fijians would be happy to rape the old hag.
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  9. I think it's pathetic that they've not managed to get this old bag tortured, nobody would believe a word she said so you could do almost anything and get away with it. What's the worst she can do play her transistor radio loudly?
  10. In the interests of fairness, I do note that the victim and his family has, unfortunately, been re-located to Cyprus instead of a tour for him in a hot and shitty place.
    Personally, for her, the neighbour, I think a pair of breeding mice (1 x male and 1 x female) through the old bag's letter box when she is away for a couple of days should sort it.
    To be done, however, immediately after selling/moving out/letting said house...................
  11. Next time she goes out & leaves a window open, sneak in, throw cress seeds all over the carpets & damp them just enough to get them growing.
  12. Or throw in a load of 'thunderflashes' and shout down down down (you aged anti army shitcunt) throw her in the back of a Q7 and drive her to Dunsfold where a Chinook will take her on a rendition flight of her life and her nipples will be electrocuted in the name of national security.

    You can but dream eh..,..
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  13. Maybe this poor poor woman just harbours a pathological hatred of all things military following years of surprise spit-roasting and/or back door action in the deepest darkest RLC blanket stores.

    Burn the witch - she should be grateful that the nations finest blanket stackers found time to pay her a bit of attention.
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  14. Only if your from the tap-end
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