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Need to get fat. fast.

#1
So im a lanky skinny cnut, of whom needs to put on a bit of weight, a stone will do. the only problem is, my metabolism is as fast as a donkeys schlong is long, and so all food just well does nothing.

I hit the gym quite often ussually 3 times a week, swim 2 a week, and run every other day yet, i just cant put on weight, even thou i drink, eat and well am a general slob!

anyone got anytips? Trying Creatine at the moment and thats making a diffrence and im getting bigger... just not any heavier?
 
#2
Eat loads of carbs mate, or try things like Maximuscle Cyclone or Progain, this will help you put on the weight, also, I'm no expert but I would say cut down on the exercise until you feel that you've put on enough weight and then crack on with the exercise again ;) good luck mate
 
#3
the only problem is, my metabolism is as fast as a donkeys schlong is long, and so all food just well does nothing.
Fat people say the same thing about their slow metabolisms / subsequent supposed minimal caloric intake until you take a closer look at their nutrition & overall activity levels.

Don't waste money on supplements (the creatine is probably just causing some moderate water retention) & start eating whole foods (whole egg & dairy products, fattier cuts of meat, whole grains etc., liberal application of butter, ketchup, relishes etc, develop a taste for Guinness if need be! Higher saturated fats, sugar etc intakes are only a concern for the overall sedentary). You can generally support lean growth at 10-15% above maintenance calorie intake level, experiment with trial & error.

Start ensuring that your aerobic training is shorter / more intense to negate some of the catabolic effects of CV training & that your resistance training is geared towards developing growth (large compound multi-joint movements, proper rep / set / rest ranges etc).

Lastly, ensure proper levels of rest & sleep. You grow outside the gym not in it.
 
#5
McDonalds
Burger King
KFC
your local kebab shop,

the list is endless
Drive through mcdonalds at least 3 times a week, already done, did i mention i work in a oub and eat more of the food than they actually seel to the customers :) as well as walking up to the bar and instantly having my "ussual" produced on me with no questions asked.

but with regard to the thats what fat pople say just the other way round... well you havnt seen how much i eat, i think i had twice the calorie intake just for brunch haha! However think your right about the carbs thou, might start eating sheds loads of pasta and more fry ups than my aga can handle... might just do the trick!
 
#6
So im a lanky skinny cnut, of whom needs to put on a bit of weight, a stone will do. the only problem is, my metabolism is as fast as a donkeys schlong is long, and so all food just well does nothing.

I hit the gym quite often ussually 3 times a week, swim 2 a week, and run every other day yet, i just cant put on weight, even thou i drink, eat and well am a general slob!

anyone got anytips? Trying Creatine at the moment and thats making a diffrence and im getting bigger... just not any heavier?
Google these weight training programs: Starting Strength and Westside for Skinny Bastards. Both have been designed by experts to pack on muscle.

If your main goal is to put on muscle, cut back on the running.

Milk is your friend. Lots of milk combined with a high-protein diet and a weight training routine that concentrates on the Big Three(Squat, Bench and Deadlift)will put on muscular bodyweight.
 
#9
I'm with Glasgow Jock. Stop spending your money on magic potions and use it to buy proper food, none of this low fat, processed to within an inch of its uselessness tripe. Get some decent beer inside you, I reckon on one pint per 2 miles of running, and Ive run over 32000 miles since '78.
If it's muscle bulk you're after drop one session of running and insert an extra one in the gym.

Wear a vest, then you won't be burning as many calories keeping warm.

Why do you need to get fat anyway, going somewhere cold?
 
#11
Don't drink protein shakes...most of thewieght gain is from fluid. Eat whole chickens. Years ago Shirley "Big Daddy" Crabtree revealed that in order to maintain his weight - let alone increase it, he had to get through the rations of an RLC movement cell by himself! Volume of food for weight gain is a bitch but there is no other alternative - if you want to carry on training. It is no surprise I'm sure that a SUT at the RMCTC Lympstone gets a ration of 4000 calories per day. Look at the calorific value of an arctic ratpack? If you ate that and did less phys, then you would splurge. So in order to maintain your training regime, you are going to have to eat a lot more carbs and protein.

Good luck. Ironically your challenge is every fat bastard loser's dream! Me, I have to eat as little as I can stand to because my arthritis has really kicked in this year - from playing rugby last summer to nil high intensity phys...
 

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