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Need ideas on how to be an annoying neighbour......

I had to move at the beginning of this year after 5 years of grief from neighbours. Me and my girlfriend were living in a nice and expensive to rent apartment, but unfortunately the apartments above and below were owned by landlords who let them to students. It was a different student each year but the same problems every time, it would be quiet for a few weeks in September when they moved in, then after a few weeks they'd make some friends at uni and the all night parties all through the week would start. Loud music, lots of banging and shouting, then because they couldn't smoke in the building they'd keep going out in to the communal car park and making loads of noise out there too. It was worse in summer when we wanted to leave the windows open on a night but couldn't because of the noise.
The final straw came when I was away on annual camp last year and they were having yet another noisy party, my girlfriend banged on the floor and they apparently started screaming back that they were going to come up and rape her. When I got back they were having another party and I went down and banged on the door asking them to turn it down, the cocky shitbag just said "I don't have to" and tried slamming the door in my face, at that point I saw red and kicked the door back at him causing him to rapidly retreat behind his mates. They were quiet after that but we moved less than two months later. In conclusion, students are cnuts.

We had reported this to the police and council a few times but they weren't really interested, they just kept saying we'd have to keep a noise diary and that they'd send a letter to them.
 
Lay laminate flooring so that when you start the tap dance or Flamenco lessons (delete as required) the full effect of the stomping, clicky feet can be enjoyed.

Of couse, you'll need an instructor and/or a partner.

Hell, why not have the actual whole class attend lessons in your place? At night.
 
Just get hooked on huffing Air Horn gas.
AirHorn-1500x1500-red-1.jpg


You'll also get an expenses paid trip to Manchester to appear on the JK show.
(Every good idea has a down side I suppose.)
 
Yep a tried and tested method, they love it.
Not for nothing is Digest known as the gift that goes on giving, it's far easier to mag HIV.

I'd disagree with your, "nothing that had to be cancelled though or would cost him anything other than his sanity/dignity" caveat, it's got to involve effort and hopefully cash on the part of the tgt.
the no cost clause was for people we wanted to annoy and like enough not to cause them any financial loss. this was a practical joke rather than cruel and relentless revenge. Obviously it could have been much worse like booking double glazing sales visits to his home and so on.

Which reminds me, K**** has moved back close to that unit, and just down the road from me. Maybe it's time to re-open this and start it all over again... Mwaa haa haaaaaaa
 
Just get hooked on huffing Air Horn gas.


You'll also get an expenses paid trip to Manchester to appear on the JK show.
Friends of mine (living in Eastleigh which says a lot really) had neighbours who'd been on Jeremy Kyle 4 times and were proud of it.
They were moved on after the incident with the 2 ton safe that 'someone threw over the fence into our garden and we were only trying to open it so it could be returned to the owner' incident. If they'd not been using a 5 inch angle grinder on it, in the living room they'd not have set the fire alarm off and they'd not have had the fire brigade and police turn up
 
we did the spam post thing to Sgt K**** C***** at 47 Regt. He got to stay back while the rest of us went to NI.
He was getting free rubber cocks, catalogues for wigs, memorials, driveways, rubber cocks conservatories, double glazing, rubber cocks, incontinence pants(plus free samples), more cocks and such like for months. Basically anything we could get for free, or the price of a stamped addressed envelope. Nothing that had to be cancelled though or would cost him anything other than his sanity/dignity.
ICS wouldn't stop sending him info about a dressmaking course for over 2 years.
Would this have been about '96 and was said Sgt the MT bod?
 
I did my Lance Jack Cadre with some of 47 Regt who got pulled from NI duites to take part.
The story sounds . . . . . familiar.
A few people were in on it. including the post NCO. anything with a slightly odd address (med centre - department of proctology for example) was one to be put to one side, once we'd gone on the tour he released the first batch - 6 mail sacks of cocks and other annoying things.
Even the dental assistant (an much much older civi woman) helped K***** open the mail as there was so much. She picked up a big parcel with an odd lump in it, and out dropped a large black cock which just wobbled on the table. She ran off (laughing but trying not to) shouting 'Ohh, I didn't know you were into that sort of thing'

leaving our tour dodging SNCO totally stunned in the recpetion office
 
A tip from a former colleague who was into organic stuff and nature. Comfrey (Comfrey - Wikipedia). Apparently if you put it into a bucket with enough water it will fester/evolve/whatever into a wonderful fertiliser, the only snag is it smells like a combination of rotten eggs, rancid dogs sh1t, old sewers etc. Shame if you were to accidentally spill some in the wrong place, eg letter boxes, down the gap between the windscreen and the bonnet or whatever else grabs your fancy.
Or so I have been told.
 
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Cutaway

LE
Kit Reviewer
the no cost clause was for people we wanted to annoy and like enough not to cause them any financial loss. this was a practical joke rather than cruel and relentless revenge. Obviously it could have been much worse like booking double glazing sales visits to his home and so on.

Which reminds me, K**** has moved back close to that unit, and just down the road from me. Maybe it's time to re-open this and start it all over again... Mwaa haa haaaaaaa
#01. - Fair one.
#02. - Do it.
 
A tip from a former colleague who was into organic stuff and nature. Comfrey (Comfrey - Wikipedia). Apparently if you put it into a bucket with enough water it will fester/evolve/whatever into a wonderful fertiliser, the only snag is it smells like a combination of rotten eggs, rancid dogs sh1t, old sewers etc. Shame if you were to accidentally spill some in the wrong place, eg letter boxes, down the gap between the windscreen and the bonnet or whatever else grabs you fancy.
Or so I have been told.
Dad uses it on his allotments. ******* honking stuff
 

Cutaway

LE
Kit Reviewer
...
They were moved on after the incident with the 2 ton safe that 'someone threw over the fence into our garden and we were only trying to open it so it could be returned to the owner' incident. If they'd not been using a 5 inch angle grinder on it, in the living room they'd not have set the fire alarm off and they'd not have had the fire brigade and police turn up
"Moved on" not "beaten and banged up" ?
 
"Moved on" not "beaten and banged up" ?
The council rehoused them somewhere equally crap and some distance away. It messed up several of their 'enterprises'
 
See a solicitor - you have a right of quiet enjoyment. All maintenance costs need to.be fair and reasonable. Also, start looking to move. The situation will become untenable. Get the place looking good and move- you will always feel niggles no matter what happens. (That's not facetious- unfortunately you will become more and more unsettled)
Why the "dumb" @Nato Standard123 ? Please explain what you find wrong or are you just on a button pushing vendetta? We are all intrigued?
 
If you are going to pour stuff through the letterbox you can make it less obvious where it came from by buying a length of 1" plastic tube and pouring the smelly substance of your choice about 2m inside the door.

Recipe: 1x 2.4m length of 25mm plastic water pipe, 1x 90° elbow of push on type, 1x funnel. 1x 2 litre bottle of smelly material of choice. Fit elbow plus 6" of pipe to one end of long pipe. Insert long part of pipe into hallway. Pour smelly liquid down pipe to form large puddle 2m down hallway. Takes less than 30 seconds.

If they get new carpet then a bottle of bleach dispensed down the pipe will work wonders. Well brewed comfrey works, as does a lemonade bottle full of well brewed p!ss. This last one is particularly satisfying.

I may or may not have done this at some previous time.
 

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