Need ideas on how to be an annoying neighbour......

The freeholder has already threatened one neighbour with action to rescind their lease
That’s possibly a criminal act. If he does the same to you speak to the Police.


Get Sergei to smear Novichok on her doorknobs.
Excessive noise.

Best mate lives next door to a couple and they are unintentionally loud partly due to thin walls.

It it is and has been driving him absolutely mental so much so that I have had to tell him a few times to either square it away in his head or move.
Go to your local reptile place and buy live crickets. Post them through her letterbox.
Do the same with a pint of maggots from the fishing shop.

House full of noisy little bastards and loads of bluebottles.


War Hero
When I look at the 'Similar Threads' below this, the first link is to:

“Aggressive Bitch - Rohypnol or Equivalent Needed”

Personally I think that might be slightly OTT...


Kit Reviewer
Reviews Editor
Marry the leaseholder's daughter.
That was the comment I was looking for.

You've gone about it all wrong mate. As said above ... Introduce yourself. Ingratiate yourself. Help out with little things. Take her out to lunch. Then dinner. Then drinks.
Then either smash her back doors in and give her a dose or, make her fall madly in love with you.

Personally I prefer the dose idea.
Don't do anything that will leave a physical link to your plan. That would just add to their cause. Non attributable is the way forward no matter what you decide.


Seriously just move somewhere else, it's not worth the grief
You absolute fanny. That's exactly what they're hoping he does by these passive-aggressive bullying tactics. I bet you had your NHS spectacles regularly smashed by "Gripper" back in the day, whilst his gang stole your lunch money and flushed your head down the loo.

What we have here is a noble cause worth fighting for.

He needs to play the smart, long game. Think like Russia and the Salisbury shenanigans. They've told the world and any potential spies thinking of turning that they're going to reach out and touch them. They know they've done it, we know they've done it, but there's **** all anyone can do about it apart from cry about how unfair it all is.

He needs to do things that aren't illegal but are undoubtedly anti-social and definately can be attributed to him, but leaves no evidence that'll get him in the shit.

An overly sensitive car alarm might be a good starting point. Buy a shitty old banger, fit one of those old 1980s MOSS car alarms that go off every time the wind gets above 3 knots and park it right outside their front door. Make sure it's taxed, MOTd and insured, but don't actually drive it anywhere. If the weather isn't windy enough, fire a conker/bit of gravel at it with a catapult to set the alarm off. Buy a spare battery so you've always got one on charge for when the battery inevitably runs flat. Let them see you changing the battery - they need to know it's your car. Perhaps even flatten a couple of tyres to make it clear that you never have any intention of driving it anywhere. Shrug your shoulders a lot when they moan and enquire about it. If you're lucky some of the local thugs might do you a favour and vandalise it to make it more of an eyesore.

Just when they're at the end of their tether about this car, swap it for another, equally shitty car with a worse alarm.

Ultimate upgrade, a camper van that a friendly tramp moves into, he can be paid in Cider to set the alarm off whenever you text him from your disposable PAYG mobile.
Does she have a ground floor flat near a communal entrance, or her own entrance? If so try ants. Drop the remains of a pizza near the external door and sprinkle food remains to her front door. Ants get attracted to the pizza and then follow the "source" of the food, i.e. her flat.

Otherwise you could buy a few copies of the Daily Sport. They have (or had) adverts in the back. Dating sites, cheap porn videos, etc. They usually require a Daily Sport masthead or two and a postal order. Once on the mailing list try getting off it. And the postal order makes it completely anonymous.

I had issues with a married relative of our lass's a few years ago so tried this. The good fortune on our part was that the relative and her husband had the same initial. So all of the packs were just addressed to "A Smith" and not Mr or Mrs. I'd like to think that it might have caused the odd domestic, especially the one for a dating site.
The bagpipes would be a better bet, being unable to play them would be a bonus.
what? Bagpipes can be played properly?
I thought they just filled the things with very angry cats and then punched/squeezed them. The blowing into the bagpipes was to keep the cats breathing.
Is the daughter fit? Charm her, then set her up for a 'serious' relationship leading to potential marriage, turn her against her dad then convince to buy them out then sell up and dump her. Send pics or it never happened.
Has any insulating cladding been fitted to the building recently?
Is your insurance up to date?

Just asking like....
I have an FF175BP model Hotpoint fridge I can sell too. Just don't be around if you leave it open for too long.


I've already tried to do that. One neighbour is retired with very limited funds and now has a cash buyer for her flat but at a very reduced price. She just wants out because she can't afford any more trumped up service charges. The two other leaseholders are the freeholders daughter and the most unreasonable neighbor you have ever encountered who previously agreed to buy the freehold with me and then backed out for no obvious reason (after I incurred costs for valuations etc).

It's a complete mess trust me!
Similar again to my situation. I know just what you're going through. It's hell. I also like you tried all the legal route which was a time consuming waste of time which got me nowhere but at least did put pressure on the freeholder who promptly put it all in the hands of an absolute shark of a management company.
Eventually I was able to get the freehold when an old lady died and her family sold her flat on ( cheap). I got the agreement of the new buyer to buy the freehold but that I paid their share too.
It was all expensive and took time but eventually worth it because I got a far better price when I sold.
Also in my case although a fortune had been charged to me in repair and maintenance costs over the years nothing had actually been done. So I had to fork out to get necessary work done re: whole building on issues which affected my flat.
I will never ever buy anything leasehold again.
I wouldn't even consider shared freehold either as yet again you have to negotiate constantly with other people who may or may not be utter idiots.
Good luck....


War Hero
Pretend to be his daughter on the internet and give his details, along with a sob story, to one of those nonce hunter Facebook groups. Say you’ve already reported it to the police and they fobbed you off. A pack of overweight football fans will be harassing him in no time.

Don’t, obviously, because it’s probably all sorts of illegal. Especially as they’re Jewish and as such have immense legal and financial power to levy against you.
Piss in a drinks bottle. Fill the bottle with fish such as mackerel. Leave it to fester and rot down into a pungent sauce.

After a few weeks, once its ripened pour the contents into the air intakes for her heaters on ger car. Watch her either puke or crash once she turns her cars heaters on.

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