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Need ideas on how to be an annoying neighbour......

#22
Buy an air compressor. And a train horn.

Then learn to play "reveille" with it. Once done practicing, set alarm for 0500 and have at it.
 
#23
Twice per week, when the flat is empty, post a mouse through the daughter's letterbox. After a month, you won't need to add any more.
 
#24
If she's below you just lift a floorboard in the bog and piss on her ceiling, just say you can't aim properly as you have an exceptionally small/large knob.
 
#25
Has any insulating cladding been fitted to the building recently?
Is your insurance up to date?

Just asking like....
 
#26
There is a series I enjoy watching called Nighmare Neighbour Next Door. It is often repeated on 5STAR, and similar channels. You can get some ideas off that.

Does the daughter have kids of her own? Buy each kid a kazoo. When they are running round tooting those things, after a while the daughter will take them off the kids. Cue lotsa tears n tantrums.

Got any rough looking mates?
Knock knock.
"Is Jammy66 about? Hi, I'm gonna be moving in his old place after he moves. I'm from a paramilitary neo-Nazi biker gang, and its gonna be our clubhouse."
"WHAT???"
"Yeah, you can come to our housewarming party. We're getting a Blood and Honour band to play for us. I must warn you we have a big feud with the Angels and the Outlaws. Hope they don't come and do a drive-by, and hope Antifa don't stick a petrol bomb thru the wrong window by mistake."
"AAARRGH!"
 
#28
In the mid 80s, some of my Punk mates shared a flat over Heath Town, which is like the Bronx of Wolverhampton. If you've ever been on a train thru Wolvo, you can see it from the station. Eventually, the drug dealers, junkies, prozzies and pimps got so sick of them that they petitioned them out.
 
#30
There is a series I enjoy watching called Nighmare Neighbour Next Door. It is often repeated on 5STAR, and similar channels. You can get some ideas off that.

Does the daughter have kids of her own? Buy each kid a kazoo. When they are running round tooting those things, after a while the daughter will take them off the kids. Cue lotsa tears n tantrums.

Got any rough looking mates?
Knock knock.
"Is Jammy66 about? Hi, I'm gonna be moving in his old place after he moves. I'm from a paramilitary neo-Nazi biker gang, and its gonna be our clubhouse."
"WHAT???"
"Yeah, you can come to our housewarming party. We're getting a Blood and Honour band to play for us. I must warn you we have a big feud with the Angels and the Outlaws. Hope they don't come and do a drive-by, and hope Antifa don't stick a petrol bomb thru the wrong window by mistake."
"AAARRGH!"
As she's jewish (or at least the father is) that could work (just to add I have jewish friends but this shower are something else).
 

greyfergie

MIA
Book Reviewer
#31
#32
In the mid 80s, some of my Punk mates shared a flat over Heath Town, which is like the Bronx of Wolverhampton. If you've ever been on a train thru Wolvo, you can see it from the station. Eventually, the drug dealers, junkies, prozzies and pimps got so sick of them that they petitioned them out.
Chervil Rise? Dear me. What a hole. Just been demolished so I gather. Should’ve done it 30yrs ago.
 
#33
Send roadkill/ any dead medium size animal through the post, randomly spaced so it's always a nice surprise, remember to practice forensic awareness, ie don't lick or touch any packaging in the process and use different post offices, hope this helps, maybe after a bit of thought you could expand on this.
 
#34
Be carefull. A few years ago I stuck the nut on a neighbours troublesome boyfriend.
It took about two or three years to sort out.
All came good in the end but lots of legal hassle.
 
#35
Always fancied the trumpet. I've already got a guitar and ukelele I'm trying to learn!
I'm afraid that in a situation such as you face then your first and only option is the Bagpipes.
 
#38
If there is a garden involved then 2 pints of roundup in the water butt can have spectacular results - my not sort the problem entirely but will cheer you up no end as the flower beds turn yellow for no discernable reason.
 

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