Need advice on my relationship

Discussion in 'The Other Half' started by Witsend10, Jun 24, 2011.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. I appreciate that I am asking for relationship advice on the Arrse website and will probably cop a lot of abuse but I don’t care if you take the proverbial. However, this is not a “wah” or a “windup” but a genuine appeal for alternative perspectives. I am posting on an anonymous site for advice as a former infantry officer.

    My problem is this. I am in my early 40s and I got engaged about four years ago and my partner became pregnant almost immediately and since then I have been stuck in a celibate relationship and all we ever do is argue.

    I was married for thirteen years before this relationship but this is my and my current partner’s only kid.

    Current Partner
    We started rowing as soon as she got pregnant despite the fact that I was bringing plenty of money into the house and went she went mental with post natal depression after our son was born.
    Our son is a lovely kid and as cute as a button.

    She is fairly smart and well educated but she is teetotal, was a vegetarian and was diagnosed with OCD years ago which means that she is very dogmatic and reacts to my fairly robust manner angrily.

    She was very good looking when we first met she let herself go big time after the kid was born.

    Current Relationship
    We have had sex once since the child was born. We have shouting matches everyday and now drink more than I should and am bloody miserable and angry most of the time.

    Impact upon me
    My career is in tatters, I have been fired from two executive jobs since the kid was born as I became very bad tempered at work after copping a lot of abuse at home and found dealing with idiots/dodgy bastards at work combined with the crap at home was driving me mental and had an adverse impact upon my health.
    Fortunately, I still make good money but I am not getting ahead.

    What I have tried so far
    I have tried the following:

    • Counselling was like a re run of WW2.
    • A few months working overseas, enjoyed the peace and quiet but missed the kid too much.
    • Reasoning with her.
    • Throwing money at the problem, expensive holidays, dinners and jewellery but it always ends in rows.

    My dilemma

    I don’t want to walk out on her and the kid until I have exhausted every avenue but am at my wits end after three years. Has anybody dealt with a similar situation and how did you cope? Any suggestions or ideas welcome.
  2. You're not looking for an answer, merely confirmation of what you know you've got to do. You're not in a relationship, you're in a war.
    • Like Like x 1
  3. You can still be a dad you your son and have a life.

    If you have tried to patch things up as you say you have then the only course is to pop smoke and get your life back on track.
    Get yourself a bird that that takes it up the arrse and dont look back at the fat crazy slag. :)
    • Like Like x 4
  4. Exactly why are you staying with her? If it's for the child's sake, don't bother. A child will be much happier with two, separate happy parents than parents who are together but are constantly battling. My 5 year old taught me that when about two weeks after me and her father split she said "I'm glad Daddy doesn't live here now, there's no more shouting".
    • Like Like x 3
  5. Bin it, job done
    • Like Like x 2
  6. Have a **** in her shampoo bottle before you leave
    • Like Like x 4
  7. and take the sky remote control.

    Humour me, as I have a theory........were you down at the business end whilst she was giving birth?
  8. Leave
    Drink less
    Have a meaningless and purely sexual 'relationship' with the first slapper that'll take you

    Visit your son on a regular basis.
    Carry on normal living.
    • Like Like x 2
  9. Ditch her, find a nubile 18 - 22 year old in or from Uni (intelligence you see) and then have fun with your life.

    Leave her in her sink hole.

    You could try to get custody of the kid...
    • Like Like x 1
  10. Officers Cock Disease?

    Of Child Disease?

    Overweight **** Disease?
  11. Your son's welfare must be paramount so any decision you make must be primarily for his sake. Quite clearly he needs to be in a stable and secure atmosphere and that seems, from what you've said, to be with you and his mother living apart. I assume that you're confident that his mother can and does look after him since you haven't raised this point. How does your girlfriend feel about splitting up? Perhaps she feels pretty much as you do? I don't see that there's anything to be gained in staying if there's nothing that can be done to rectify the situation. I have no experience of PND so have no idea how long it lasts but if there's no hope on the horizon then I suggest you move out and make sure that you support your son both emotionally and substantially from a new location. You owe it to your son to give him a happy childhood and that responsibility is greater than that to his mother.
    • Like Like x 1
  12. You really are a **** aren't you? There's never a need to take the Sky remote, that's a step beyond cruelty.
  13. My old man had the right philosophy

    I was getting it in the neck from my former girlfriend for swamping in the bedroom sink after a skinful. My old boy was standing behind her as she was reading the incontinence act, he drew his finger across his throat and mouthed the words 'bin it' - so I did.

    Life's too short to suffer an unhappy relationship.
    • Like Like x 1
  14. Mag-to-grid the bint mate. Then, as the boys have alluded to, get out on the juice and pull some scutter. Oh and ensure that whatever happens in future you don't get done over in terms of access rights etc to the little 'un.

    BTW a teetotal vegetarian - what were you thinking?????
    • Like Like x 1
  15. 1. Get a grip of yourself, man. Stand in front of a mirror and give yourself a bloody good talking to.
    2. Kick the ungrateful and undeserving cow in to touch.
    3. See a lawyer - sort out financial arrangements (in fact, do this before you do 2.)
    4. Tell her you want custody of the child. That'll bring her to her ******* senses.
    5. Have the snip.
    6. Life is not a dress rehearsal. You will never get today back again. Make sure all your 'todays' are worth living.
    • Like Like x 6