Ned Barstewards Burgled the house last night

#1
There we were on Boxing Night not a care in the world,

Opened the living room door to discover an admin explosion beyond belief.

Jaikie ned ne'er do wells decided to take it upon themselves to burst in the back door and relieve us of our christmas booty.

The only Solace was my three dogs looked rather chuffed with themselves haveing clearly had a good feed on some withered drug addicts balls.

The dogs were locked out the area they were in so the stupid nincompoops must have opened the door "DOH" and let the savage beasts in.

My feelings are that they will be back in the area tonight, and me thinks all those years of army training should not go to waste.

what type of ambush do you all rekon should be in place?
 
#2
Put some beer bottles filled with acid and piss on the back porch (as if they are cooling)
 
#3
You seen Wolf Creek? The guy on the wall with the dogs in a cage in front off him and a half mawled corpse hanging beside him on the wall :wink:
 
#4
Really sorry to hear that. I suggest leaving a window open on the ground floor and sitting in the same room with a pump action and a bayonet.
 
#5
Feed the hounds on nothing but vodka & red-bull & leave them in Kitchen or area with the back door, also, if tiled or lino flooring, cover in marbles! Then wait in Lounge....

Whilst pikey types are on floor being mauled by dogs, enter with baseball bat to wreak revenge!
 
#6
Wander up and down the street early doors and any dodgey looking scrote you come across use your dress sword to hack their arms off - that'll give the local snot-wipes something to think about... b@stards
 
#8
Dirty Cnuts of The Highest order!

Might I suggest you invest in a Main Battle Tank.
 
#9
I hope you've had your mutleys checked over at the vets, they might have caught something more than gonads.
 
#10
Im going to try and build a flame thrower, it cant be too hard, i could model it on the council weedkilling machines. failing that the trusted can of lynx and an old fashioned lighter would do the job rightly.

i like the thought of sitting in the pitch dark sword at the ready with the trusty loyal hounds at hand. (though i would rather the pooches never got hurt)

Im convinced they will be back because they were part way through dismantling the TV etc when the dogs got them. so they only got what they already had in thir heroin ridden pockets. Jaiksters.

Quite refreshing to know the local hoods are also on early warning tonight (they might spend their spare hours mugging innocents at cash points but they seem a tad annoyed that someone in their own area got burgled)
 
#11
T.F.R said:
There we were on Boxing Night not a care in the world,

Opened the living room door to discover an admin explosion beyond belief.

Jaikie ned ne'er do wells decided to take it upon themselves to burst in the back door and relieve us of our christmas booty.

The only Solace was my three dogs looked rather chuffed with themselves haveing clearly had a good feed on some withered drug addicts balls.

The dogs were locked out the area they were in so the stupid nincompoops must have opened the door "DOH" and let the savage beasts in.

My feelings are that they will be back in the area tonight, and me thinks all those years of army training should not go to waste.

what type of ambush do you all rekon should be in place?
What are you going to do, find a gate and stand at it for 2 hours between 03:00 and 05:00?? Or are you going to adorn a red PT vest and blue shorts with white pumps, socks rolled down around your ankles and do some personnal PT
 
#12
T.F.R, go and stand outside the Metro and kneecap every cnut that comes out.

You will get the right ones eventually :evil:
 
#13
Get down the jobcentre on signing day with an Uzi and spray everyone under the age of 40. Including the clerks. If we're going to mop up shoit, lets do it properly.
 
#14
Pocket sized flamethrower = deodrant can and lighter, My dear old mums place got turned over 2 days before Christmas need to identify said scrotes in order to arrange an away game at their place to collect my mums belongings,bunch f cnuts,hope you catch em.
 
#16
Watch the movie Snatch

if you dont have pigs dig a tunnel under your neighbours garden/ patio and stuff the bodies in there. It works just ask our old neighbours fred and rose .
 
#17
...why would they be back?? they know you have nought left but 3 big fukin dogs!!

however i propose some barbed wire into a killing zone where you take upon yaself to drug them and then bum them!! DRY!
 
#19
I got done over on 30 Aug, the police came, and mentioned that one other in the area and a few cars had been done over the weekend, but no one had been caught.

My next door neighbour, who drives for the council, mentioned that a load of "Itinerants" had moved into a layby on the outskirts of the town, when I rang the police and told them, they said they couldn't do anything.

That night, my neighbour, myself and a couple others, went to the pub nearest to the layby where said persons were parked up.

We spotted a couple of them at the bar, went and stood next to them and discussed among ourselves (for them to hear), the low-life who had broken into houses and cars, locally, and what should be done to them, it was casually mentioned that there were pikeys parked down the road, and it was probably them, we then discussed that the police had been informed and as far as was known were going to raid in the early morning.

Following day, no sign of them, and, by some weird coincidence, there were no more break - ins.
 

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