Navy denies killing Thames whale

Discussion in 'The Intelligence Cell' started by Agent_Smith, Jan 23, 2006.

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  1. Timesonline
  2. as usual living creature turns up probably "feck im lost" or "im here to die leave me be" humans intervine it dies and the forces get the blame
  3. Bone news comment of the week.

    "and now over to no mark in a trenchcoat our loser on the scene... no mark, can you update us on this non news story"

    "yes, i can exclusively reveal that the whale is indeed heading upstream, the outlook is bleak unless it heads back to sea (no sh1t sherlock, i thought it would fine bottom feeding for krill in the deep water near maidenhead you goon), but the general opinion i'm getting around here is hoping for a happy outcome for the whale (again.. master of the obvious.. didnt see any people with "kill the whale" signs or waiting to drop shopping trollies/park benches on it)"

    Thanks for that news 24.... so glad i pay my license fee to keep you in "no news" nirvana.
  5. Expect a minutes silence and a state burial. It was a WHALE for fecks sake!

    Not our fault, anyway. We don't work at weekends.
  6. Don't try and shift the blame onto the reserve forces :D
  7. Exactly! Well said.
  8. I reckon Ken 'the **** Livingston had the harpooned for not paying its congestion fee
  9. Maybe the Whale bumped into Dr Bull & Dr Kelly who were working on the Iraqi Supergun down in the depths of the NorthSea!!!!!!
  10. It appears that the (would-be) rescuers are facing £300 in parking fines, after having outstayed their parking meter times. The fact that every vehicle had a sign saying 'Marine Rescue' and that the world and his dog were watching a whale thrashing about in the Thames appears to have passed the parking wardens (or whatever grand title they have to inflate their importance) by.
  11. Believe me, Parking attendants in London would ticket anything regardless of what is has written on the side.
  12. Fang_Farrier

    Fang_Farrier LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    US Navy have been accused of killing whales by sonar for many years
  13. Mind you, it wouldn't be the first time a Matelot's led some whale astray, and then left her stranded and f*cked.

    There's hundreds of similarly built examples in Portsmouth along the Harbour-front bars...
  14. Why the flying **** has someone got to be at fault for everything? People **** up and get lost all the time (YT included) So just because an animal got lost, it suddenly has to be the fault of the human being? It had no map, no GPS etc, and if it proved to be female, well there you go.
  15. What?
    I'm no marine biolgist, but if it's got a todger the size of your leg it's a bloke, if not it's most likley a female... Right?

    Or do we have transgender whales now?

    I also wish to know wether as the barge was setting out, one of the crew came racing up the gangplank with a frying pan and a bag of chips or not.