Naturism and keeping your knees tightly gripped together.

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by bovvy, Apr 3, 2007.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. I know this isn't military, but I've tried looking on naturist websites ...... and googling "naturism, vulva, exposed, etiquette" (and variations thereof) ..... with no satisfactory answer.

    Yes, there is "what if I get an erection?" stuff. But I cannot find anything about etiquette for women.

    I've been to the local naturist beach a couple of times. It's a nice beach and, the first time, I ended up on the naturist part, by chance, because I refuse to pay £7 for car parking (so parked on the grass verge and walked to the nearest bit of beach).

    Now, I have no inhibitions about walking/running/swimming around naked ....... but the lying down stuff bothers me a bit. I feel very aware of the need to keep my knees tightly gripped together and, consequently, I am a little wary of getting too relaxed.

    Is anyone familiar with the rules of etiquette? How much of a social gaff would it be to flash your fanny? (inadvertently, of course).
  2. Have you tried the problems page of the once popular magazine "Health and a fish in the sea"?

    Beyond that, a pubic wig would cover all manner of sins - unless you cultivate your own in which case why worry?
  3. I can give you some personal tuition if you want. I'll tell you if you are showing too much of your growler or not.
  4. I think much depends on whether you are an, "innie," or, "outie," in the labia majora department.

    If the former, you would surely cause no more sexual frisson than the Venus de Milo; if the latter it may well be construed that you are frothing at the gash and therefore committing an incredible faux pas - in naturist terms.
  5. Thank you. That's helpful, but don't you mean labia minora?
  6. Quite possibly. Being of the male persuasion, I never have quite sussed the navigational skills required in that department.
  7. The only way this can be resolved is by you posting a gash shot - so we can judge how relaxed you are and whether it would indeed be inappropriate.

    The males found at nudist beaches are old, fat, ugly, short welshman (allegedly) - so we'll dig up that picture of a welshman's undersized excuse for c0ck and if it makes you visibly gush you will know to avoid these beaches in future
  8. blue-sophist

    blue-sophist LE Good Egg (charities)

    I have always held the view that a woman's "parts" should be gathered together gently by the inner part of thighs in public.

    The relaxed mode to which you refer is more appropriate for the boudoir, when a certain degree of relaxation [permitting more detailed views of the delights to come] may be appropriate.

    Another view is best expressed as "Spread 'em girl. I want it, where is it?" This however implies a less than lady-like approach to the entiire subject of "Vagina Revelation".

    BTW ... do you smell?
  9. cross your ankels when laying down..
    keep your trainers on and tie the laces together...
    or lay horizontaly across the beach..
  10. I'm not a naturist myself, more of a shades wearing twitcher I suppose. I would recommend a recumbant pose that you feel most comfortable with and avoid poses that draw too much attention to your snatch. Stuff that draws a twitcher's attention would include: -

    1. A protruding draw string. Don't do it when you're "on".
    2. An excited quim. Hold your legs together and think of MDN face down between them; excited quims are the stuff that twitcher's wet dreams are made of.
    3. An overly hairy lady garden. Crabs may sally forth for protection and it hides the twitcher's view requiring unsubtle manoeuvres and a slap from doris.
    4. Hollywood with knees apart - the most popular girl on the beach unless you happen to be a whale.
    5. Legs apart masturbating. Always draws a crowd.

    Best thing to avoid any attention is to cover up, but that's no fun for anyone. Incidentally, which beach do you frequent and is there a dogging area nearby?
  11. blue-sophist

    blue-sophist LE Good Egg (charities)

    Bovvy is, of course, like so many of that ilk ....

    Asks a question, gets answers, and then just pokes off into the sunset. Just likes to talk about getting the bits out for some rays, without any regard for the massive keyboard and screen staining that goes on elsewhere ...
  12. Dear bovs,

    I can't speak for Blighty, but I've very often been in naturist areas in loads of other countries and found that there is no "etiquette" with regard to how to position your legs when lying down. You see all sorts of positions; some with one knee up, some with legs flat and slightly apart etc. In fact, much the same sort of positions that you'd get in a textile area. But the point is that nobody gives a toss.

    If you're really that concerned, but don't mind standing up and moving around harry starkers, take a bit of a shank around and observe how the majority of biddies do it. You can then take your cue from that.

  13. Hi Bovvy, where is this beach? I did some 'nekid' swimming and sunbathing on holiday and would love to do it over here too. Trying to convince the wife to join in is a little harder to achieve!
  14. blue-sophist

    blue-sophist LE Good Egg (charities)

    Will someone tell me how the "parts" [of both genders] react to strong sunlight. Never having "exposed myself" I have no idea.

    What price a sunburnt willie/snatch? Could ruin a holiday ... or even just a single evening.

    Unpleasant thought as I log off for today ...