Natures beasts. Cunts or what?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by steven seagull, Apr 16, 2012.

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  1. Don't get me wrong, I've no real dislike against natures wonders as a whole. I've blasted the odd furry thing with a shotgun and toe poked the odd annoying house pet for not moving quick enough but in general I've got nothing against animals.

    There are a few notable exceptions though. Creatures that get right on my fucking wick just because they do.

    Dolphins: Everytime I sit down at work some tart shoves a bucket under my nose demanding money so that some kid walting as Gail Porter can have a swim with one. I wouldnt mind but you fork out a few grand for the slaphead to go and the cunting Dolphins dont even bother to cure the cancer. They just swim about like gay Sharks laughing like fuck at the silly humans who think they are magical and proffing free fish.

    Gay Bears: Dont get me wrong, I like them big black or brown ones that rip hapless hikers to pieces or bring entire towns of crackers to a standstill just by having a wander through someones backyard and a bit of a root through the bins; it's the other useless fuckers that do my swede in. Panda's are utter hermers that deserve to be extinct 'cos if you dont want a shag at least once a year after someones taken the time to fly a Doris a few thousand miles to you for the privilage then you've got it coming. Polar Bears? Apart from feasting on the odd posh kid with a silly name all they seem to do is sit about pretending to be white while drinking Coka Cola. As for those cunting Koala's.......

    Cats: Cats are just small teenagers that smell slightly better. They fuck off out for days on end without letting you know where they're going, poll in like fuck alls happened and give you a dirty look! The rest of the time they sit around the house doing fuck all but eating and ignoring you. Little wankers.

    So what animals get on your tits (or up your arse) and why?
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  2. Its a shame there isn't a LOL button!
  3. Ravers

    Ravers LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    Dogs get right up my goat, sharing your home with massive over excited hairy fucker that chews everything, shits everywhere, steals your food and licks you constantly.

    I imagine it's similar to having a downy brother.
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  4. Gerbils. Don't judge me.
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  5. Fucking whales are cunts. Swim ashore, get their silly fat arses pushed back into the sea by a few scrounging fucking hippies then no sooner are they back in the water they fucking beach themselves again. Fat emo cunts!
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  6. Lemmings. I had a pet one once and the selfish bastard topped itself. Threw itself off a cliff! WTF is that all about?
  7. All marine mammals, I mean for fuck sake get out of the sea you blubbery retards, what do you think you are Australians?
    An Australian, for once getting a good dry.
  8. Some say they are old sea captains, re-incarnated. Pure vermin in my opinion. Seagulls (nothing to do with the OP) really piss me off. Fed by tourists, protected by idiots. I'm in Jack Charlton's boat!
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  9. Goldfish. What's the point of those little fuckers?

    I bet they even taste like shit, if they had enough meat on them to make them worth eating.
  10. Dolphins are just gay sharks.
  11. That's all whales can do. It's not like they can sit in their rooms cutting themselves is it?

    As for koalas, I imagine they taste like a hairy throat lozenge. They are an utterly useless animal though. Kangaroos are only good for dog food and wrapped around truck bullbars. Same goes for horses. Fucking scared of their own shadows and only good for fucking dog food.
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  12. It's a shame my like button seems to have fucked off, that post surely deserves one!

    Edit: it seems to be back now.
  13. Chavs (can they be classed as animals?). No point in life even as organ donors
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  14. Humans, I fucking hate the lot of em. They go around inventing stuff like nuclear bombs to threaten each other with but do they actually have the minerals to use them? With two notable exceptions last century - do they fuck.
  15. Bonobos, oversexed little bastards with their vibrating nethers.