Nato to Afghans: "Get out of the way!


In a desperate bid to stem a burgeoning public relations disaster, Nato has issued an open letter to civilians in Afghanistan urging them to "stiffen [their] efforts to get out of the way of Nato ordnance". The letter was published just hours after the latest in a series of misplaced Nato airstrikes that has caused civilian carnage in the war-ravaged central Asian republic.

The letter, published in several newspapers in Afghanistan and available on Nato's website, reminds Afghans that "it is [their] civic responsibility to exercise the greatest due diligence practicable in avoiding such bombs, rockets, shells, and other explosive devices as may be inadvertently hurled in [their] general direction." The letter went on to say, "Nato regrets the deplorable lack of effort devoted by Afghan civilians to their own survival, which has substantially contributed to the recent unfortunate series of events."

Nato's website offers a series of "handy bomb avoidance tips", including such tactics as "run", "run faster", and "run like your hair is on fire". "Civilians are advised to avoid hiding in structures of any kind, as these may be considered legitimate military targets." However, the website also urges citizens to "avoid the out-of-doors, as fleeing persons may be deemed to be terrorist suspects". The site's webmaster admitted to DeadBrain, "There are still a few glitches, but we're pretty proud of this effort."

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