My Wife

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous Jokes' started by toffeewrapper1, Dec 2, 2011.

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  1. My wife said to me last night."Look at this love,i,ve had this since we got married 20 years ago and it still fits me."I replied "Fuck off you fat cow,it's a scarf!"
     
  2. My wife said to me last night."Look at this love, the wedding dress from when we got married 20 years ago, and it still fits me." I replied "Fuck off you fat cow, you were nine months pregnant!"
     
  3. My wife said to me last night."Look at this love,i,ve had this since we got married 20 years ago and it still fits me."

    I replied "Fuck off!"
     
  4. My wife said to me last night ' Look at this love, I've had it since we got married 20 years ago and it still fits me' I replied ' So what ? You use it every month, it's a tampon'
     
  5. Siad to my wife look at this love, see if it still fits, she said fuck of its neither xmas in summer or a leap year.
     
  6. So her neck hasn't got any bigger?
     
  7. I'm more amazed he found someone willing to stick with him for twenty years.

    He's obviously never taken her on the piss with him. :wink:
     
  8. I thought the shot of Jagermeister looked good down his shirt.
     
  9. is jagermeister a good look with pink?
     
  10. I believe Toffee swore it was "salmon"














    the homo
     
    • Like Like x 1
  11. Two fellas are moaning about shopping with their wife. One says to the other:
    "You know, watching my wife shop is a lot like watching Derek Acorah on the telly,"
    "Oh why's that?"
    "Because neither of them are fucking mediums!"
     
  12. My wife has just come back from a day's Christmas shopping with her mate, absolutely shitfaced! Guess that means she hasn't bought me a Porche.
     
  13. phil245

    phil245 LE Book Reviewer

    A couple is lying in bed, - the man says to his wife, I'm going to make you the happiest woman in the world. his wife replies, lock the door on your way out with your stuff then...
     
  14. My wife was trying a new skirt on and said " Does my bum look big in this".

    I said. "Well to be fair love ...... It is quite a small bathroom".