Am I being unreasonable? I've always done a bit of camping, usually combined with a bit of climbing or hillwalking. All very straight forward stuff. I'd ditch the car for a few days, and me and a couple of mates would bog off. A few cans of food and something to drink and we were laughing. Rather than doss in the official campsites, we'd just pitch up wherever we felt like stopping. When I started going out with my wife, I got her into it for a while. As well as all the usual walking fun there was the added bonus of sleeping bag tomfoolery. When i'd finished thrapping silently in my scratcher, we'd occasionally have sex. Once the kids turned up, that all stopped. Then, earlier this Summer, my eldest (6) said, "Daddy, can you take me camping this year?" Some of his mates at school have been doing it and he fancied some, so he could big-time it in the playground. No problem, I said. The idea really appealed to me. Taking my lad on a few hills, passing on my inablility to read maps, subjecting him to unnecessary danger and giving the mountain rescue something to do. I couldn't wait to tell him that I "knew a short cut" before taking him on a 17 mile detour on a 4 mile walk. Alas, my missus put the mockers on it, "Oh, don't just take Convoy/1, we'll all go." "I've only got a two man tent. There's 6 of us." "We'll get a nice big tent. My friend Carole says we can use hers," The blood was draining from my face. All my tidy little plans of 1 rucksack between the 2 of us and a blissful period of father-son bonding were being replaced by yet another doomed family outing, involving similar logistics to Op Corporate. "What sort of tent is it? I'm not going round in some dayglo fcuking nightmare." "She says it's lovely. It's got three separate rooms (when she saw my eyes goggle, she quickly added) ......and.... and it's waterproof." What the fcuk!!! I agreed to suspend judgement until i'd had a look at the fcuker. It turned up on a tank transporter two days later. I spent 2 and a half hours putting it up. It was fcuking hideous. The kids thought it was great. It completely filled my back garden. It did indeed have three rooms, and a fcuking reception area, all with playschool effect windows. It was bright red with white piping. It looked like the prizegiving tent from a medieval jousting competition. As soon as I could stand back far enough to see the whole thing, I turned round to her and said, "No fcuking way, am I being seen anywhere in that thing." The kids started crying and she started berating me for always being bothered about what other people think. But theres no way i'm doing it. I've spent my whole adult life taking the p-iss out of anyone who inhabits these mobile horrors. I know for a fact that the moment I pitch it, i'll turn round and there'll be a handful of lads, drinking a beer and pointing at the poor c-unt with 4 nippers and a daft tent.