My unborn child is a squaddy - and I have proof.

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Steamywindow, May 5, 2005.

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  1. Mrs Steamy is with child. It is already a squaddy. Here's how I know:

    Before she knew she was pregnant, she had strange changes in her diet. Suddenly, she fancied a beer. Or maybe 2. And curry. Lots of curry. She started swearing. All this is new.

    She wore jeans. And my C95 fleece. Seen dead in that before? Never.

    But here's the clincher. A full week before the CDT where the strip turns blue, Mrs Steamy asks for a snack, seeing as I'm brewing up. What does she want? Fried egg in 2 slices of bread please. A egg banjo? I ask. A what? says she. Yup, from the womb, the urge for an egg banjo. The mrs. had never even contemplated such a thing - didn't know what a banjo was. Not only that, she goes from tea weak girly to tea white 2 - NATO, to you and me.

    The kid may only be the size of my thumb, but it's already on the stag roster. Fantastic.
  2. Congrats. I have a tear in my eye..... :p

    Break out the drill manual and Kid size Parade Boots.. :twisted:
  3. I've already ordered DPM Pampers.
  4. Put his name down for the Army Foundation College, will be an easy row for the lad. He ought to get nine months seniority as well...
  5. I got home from being away for a week just after Easter and was invited into the diningroom by Mrs and 2 Yr old Jnr Gnr Fas to, "Show Daddy the surprise we've been practicing."

    Mummy puts Daddy's beret on his head and then la-las the first few bars of the Regimental Quick March (British Grenadiers) as Jnr marches away for 13 paces and a 'silent drill' halt as Mummy hits the final note. Gleaming; advancing in review order.

    Its potty training next.
  6. Congrats.

    Mine has been doing a forced march on his mums bladder... Good drills!!

    In prep for his arrival sometime in the next 10 weeks i've ordered this

    might have to wait a few years till he can use it but wouldn't want to risk not getting it!
  7. Fantastic. I have been digging some foundations in the garden for a wall and my little one has been using them as a shell scrape. STAND TO!!
  8. ugly

    ugly LE Moderator

    Sadly my first born is an air cadet but my 2nd is a full blown grunt, when it cameto career advice, Dad I want to be a football player, Son become a vet all the cows arses to stick your arm in you could want, dads dogs done for free and bonus, tasty young vetinary nurses!
  9. Fatcakes, that is brilliant. I want one for me.
  10. RTFQ


    If I manage to prove Darwin wrong and manage to get some scutter with-child, I want to make sure he's ready to make it all the way byinstigating the following antenatal trg regime:

    Foetal Milling: squashing two baby factories' stomachs together and letting the little bleeders mill it out for a minute.

    Baby Trinasium: Sending the missus up on to the roof and ordering her to shuffle along the apex and jump over to the next door neighbours' roof.

    Pre-labour PLFs: Throwing the missus out of the second floor window, belly first, and shouting to the baby "Feet and knees together!"

    Finally I will initiate the childs labour by throwing a thunderflash in the labour ward. All the medical staff will be at the door in the prone position, wating for it to go bang.
  11. RTFQ you should remember PERSEC when you post. Anyone reading your last can now easily ident you as one of the instructors on the All Arms Feminism/PC course. Perhaps even course leader.

    We had a scan today and I swear to God the little star was saluting. Scandalously good drills.

    Almost makes me want to join back up. Oh wait, a request for voluntary call - out on the door mat....thanks MOD my third this year...... errrrmmmm...... No. :D
  12. Are you sure she's not been spending time in the barrack block when you're at work, succumbing to bad influences?
  13. ugly

    ugly LE Moderator

    I am blessed with one of these:


    From cabelas
  14. I AM a bad influence. And the nearest barracks is full of grunts - I hope to God none of them are involved, the kid will look like something off Fraggle Rock.