Did you know that 8 out 10 people suffer with haemorrhoids? So what do the other 2 people do â enjoy it? Fecking weirdoes!!! I must admit I had the feckers once whilst I was on holiday in the USA. I was on a catamaran off to Key West for a few days with my sister, thatâs when it went horribly Peter Tong. My ronson was like a Blood orange â I feel sorry for sausage jockeys who have to put up with that, more added agony! Anyway the feckers burst whilst I was on the boat, and my hoop was like jammie dodger, I rammed up 42 rolls of bog paper up my brown eye and came out the bog looking rather pasty! My sister/mother clocked that I was whiter than a sheet, and asked me what the matter was; I just replied that I felt like Michael Barrymore who had been royhipnoled at Brattie bangers convention. My sister pissed herself laughing â whereas mother was more sympathetic. I thought I was gonna faint with the blood loss, not funny! Anyway got a few gin nâ tonics down me to subside the pain. We decided to go for meal then down the main street and hit a few bars. We walked into the duty sloppy joes and there was a band on, I went into the bog and to check my hoop admin to see that it looked like id had been pulled through with razorwire. Anyway my sister in her infinite wisdom decides to go up to the band and request fecking ring of fire by Johnny cash, my brother in law was pissing himself laughing, I just fecking died with embarrassment ........... but after 9 gallons of anusol â the b@stards were squared away, the pharmacy on that holiday made a feckin fortune out of me.