My sons a *****r!!


I’ve just come in from work to find my other half holding a phone bill and looking well annoyed.

It would appear that my 13 yr old son has been sneaking downstairs in the middle of the night (0300, no wonder he always looks fukced) to call 0800 w*nk lines. Dirty little cnut :twisted:

he's already rung up a bill of £50.00, my missus has already had 'strong' words with him and I’ve stolen the £50.00 back out of his moneybox.
should I leave it at that or chop the fingers off his right hand with secateurs?

any advice/guidance would be gratefully received

Show him free hardcore porn links on t'internet. They are free and will allow his young imagination to blossum fully.

Tell him he can log on after he's done his homework.
Buy him some porn mags and DVDs and let the lad have a Barclay's in peace in his room.


Oh, and he'll need loadsa Kleenex too.
Be proud that he's discovered what women are, got hold of a number and you've only just found out.

However, beat the little sh*te senseless that you did find out and make it clear not to do it again if it's going to cost anything, or if his mother finds out
I'm no father, and unless I get caught out, hope not to be one. But if there ever happens to be a mini Death, I think I'd start crying from sheer overwhelming joy if he did what your son did. For a start it would mean he's no nancy, and after one depraved act, who knows where it would end?

In fact I think the proudest day of my life would be my son being brought home by the police after being caught behind the local diskotech trying to slip a portion to a 14 stone, ginger, 47 year old woman, whilst screaming 'Let me go you chopper, I was about to get my red-wings!'

Forget taking your son's money. Take him to one side, and explain to him that it was bad drills to get caught.


Give your Mrs a good seeing too tonight, be loud, very loud :twisted:

Loud enough so that lad can hear you two at it from wherever he is in the house.
She should be screaming like a porn star and you should be talking dirty “yeah baby, lick my big brown hole…”

The lad will hear this and get a mental image, he’ll either be too traumatised to call 0800 numbers again or he’ll get off on it and want to revisit his first sexual experience 8O

Either way the Mrs will be happy.

Or you could do the decent thing and show him how to google for free porn when mummy isn’t about :D
explain to him that its not a crime unless you get caught and then show him where the hun is.
Of course the D.S solution would be for him to buy himself a mobile and pay for the calls himself.
If he is thirteen I'd fist him........ gently at first massaging his scrotum with your free hand just as he is about to bolt, touch the base of his spine and warn him to stay clear of the phone before making him lick your hand clean..... for yoru own enjoyment, continue to fondle his hairless bag
booboo said:
As long as it's not gay porn......
That's allowed nowadays.

It's not those 0800 numbers you have to watch out for, it's when he starts calling MDN you need to get REALLY worried
crabby said:
It's not those 0800 numbers you have to watch out for, it's when he starts calling MDN you need to get REALLY worried
Let him phone me, I'll have him on the vinegar in an instant, save you a fortune and I get to tamper with a young en :D


It won’t be long before he discovers what the internet is really for…

Degrading porn!!! :D

Goku, I didn't know you made your own movies.
That's so wrong *grabs the kleenex* anymore where that came from?

I thought arrse was the reason the internet was made... am disappointed now (you mean if i type something else in the address bar there are other websites out there?)

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