My new invention.

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Ravers, Jun 4, 2010.

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  1. Ravers

    Ravers LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    After reading the thread about the bloke who is trying to market his latest Gucci bomb launcher thing to the MOD, it got me thinking, what sort of useless tat could I invent and then sell to the Army for an extortionate sum of money?

    I thought it through long and hard last night for at least 10 minutes while drinking a lovely Chateu neuf du pape and came to the following conclusion, squaddies on ops don't have anywhere comfy to sit and chill out after a patrol. After some extensive research, looking at some pictures of squaddies on the internet, I noticed that from Waterloo to Paschendale, Arnhem to Goose Green, Basra to Bastion, soldiers are always sitting on the floor or on old ammo tins etc. Even in the relative safety of FOBs they don't have anything that decent to park their arses on.

    I realised that my calling in life may be to produce a solution to this age old problem. I realise that many camping chairs exist but having tested a few of these in the past, I find them to be fairly cumbersome and relatively fragile. Instead I looked towards inflatables.

    Currently inflatable arm chairs and sofas are utterly wank. They are badly made and easy to puncture, not to mention the risk of them rapidly deflating when you drop your tab on them. I decided the best solution to my problem is a sturdy heavy duty inflatable sofa with a thick canvas cover, the same sort of material bergens and webbing are made from.

    The sofa will be easily portable when deflated and take only minutes to inflate with a standard pump, available from your local REME LAD. The cover will come in a variety of patterns, DPM, desert, digicam for the spams etc. Eventually it will come in a variety of funky colours too for the festival goers and camping crowd. It will also be easy to repair with Black and Nasty if required.

    I intend for my invention to be the ultimate squaddie gadget for the next Herrick and from the back of this, all the civvy camping crowd will want them too. I intend to call my product the 'Combat Couch.'

    The only final things to do are find some one in China to make them and set a price, I reckon it won't be too difficult to produce it cheaply enough to be able to sell it for under £100 and still make a tidy profit.

    So over to you, would you buy one? Would you use one if someone in your unit had one on tour? Do you think I'm a fcuking idiot? You'll notice I have posted this in the NAAFI so there is obviously an element of tongue in cheekness about this post but in all seriousness what do reckon?

    Oh and if anyone of you fcukers nicks my idea, I will hunt you down and stab you.
  2. BiscuitsAB

    BiscuitsAB LE Moderator

    I have the contacts in China and also in South Africa ( where the pay is even less) and am willing to exploit anyone in the name of profit :p
  3. Ravers

    Ravers LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    Brilliant, I need a business partner, lets make this shit happen.
  4. In answer to your question, 'would you use it?'.

    Answer. No,

    I was a Guardsman so I prefer to stand around a lot. Sitting on comfy chairs is for dancers, footballers and officers.
    • Like Like x 2
  5. Last summer I nearly broke my neck when I collapsed, slightly pissed , onto one of these, it exploded like a bloody bomb

    Attached Files:

  6. Ravers

    Ravers LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    Like I said in my post: all the current ones are shite. Mine will be double seemed, strong as fcuk and have a heavy canvas cover to protect it from fat sacks like yourself.
  7. [​IMG]


    Thankfully they are also available without a gurning retard.
    • Like Like x 4
  8. It just so hapens that I'm working on a solar powered electro-pneumatic armchair inflator that might be an ideal optional extra alongside your product.
    It is small enough to be carried inside a Chinook and will inflate your sofa in under two hours, the price or this cutting edge technology will be reasonable and should come in at under £10,000 per unit.

    You interested?
  9. Ravers

    Ravers LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    What an utterly shite specimen of a human being, also the chair looks like the sort of thing they sell in the JML catalogue, i.e totally wank.

  10. Try Aldershot. It's full of them.
    • Like Like x 3
  11. Ravers

    Ravers LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    Keep talking....
  12. Yes, but if I put the price up from £23 to £26775 ex VAT with a 20% maintenance contract, I believe you would stand a chance at a MoD sale.

    Also semen wipes off quite easily. Apparently
  13. Ravers

    Ravers LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    That's £23!?

    Seriously the Combat Couch is going to be the utter nuts. Everyone will want one. By Herrick 15 every piece of Hesco on Earth will have a Combat Couch propped against it with tired squaddies chilling out on them.

    I may even make a deluxe model with a built in drinks holder, I bet no fcuker has thought of that before!
  14. I use one of these. They're heavy, but proper ally:
  15. Ravers

    Ravers LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    You are Steven Hawking and I claim my £5.