My mum is coming to stay... for 2 WEEKS

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by BaldricksBullet, Jul 30, 2007.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. My mum is coming to stay... for 2 WEEKS.

    So I've made all the preparations... fluffed the duvet... put an extra pillow on her bed... bought english tea, and sherry.

    And I've dug a big bast@rd hole in the garden to get rid of the evidence quickly should the worst happen.

    Is there anything else I should do in preparation?
  2. Develop a severe back injury that prevents you from performing any DIY or trips to charity shops and boot fairs. I seem to be up to my arrse in paint and filler every time my mother decends.
    I'm sure that it's a test of your loyalty and sanity :p

  3. If my mum came to stay she'd be no trouble at all. Mind you, her normal place of residence is an urn on my dad's mantlepiece.
  4. old_fat_and_hairy

    old_fat_and_hairy LE Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    How old is your mum? Is she breathing? How far are you away from me? I could distract her entirely so that you would hardly know she was there!
  5. does she have her own teeth? nothing like getting gummed
  6. Move house. It's her or your sanity, your choice...
  7. You got some kids to draw fire?

    They don't have to be yours.
  8. old_fat_and_hairy

    old_fat_and_hairy LE Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    No, really. I could help. Honestly. I would give the site a blow by blow account too, if you wished. Or just a private report for yourself. It would certainly put her off coming again for a very long time, and it would all be done as a favour for you. An act of charity and kindness. No thanks required.
  9. Nooooooooooooo Baldrick this is your mother, the woman who gave birth to you, you certainly cant inflict OFnH on the poor woman, be nice...remember the Will, and not only that when you are nice it confusses the hell out of them..
  10. Personally I'd be wanking like a good'un. You don't want to disapoint her by not being match fit.

    I'd get a load of jobs ready aswell. No point in her sitting around with nought to do.
  11. check out the cuisine de compo thread and make her a slap up meal using some of the recipes that have been touted on there.
    I would say the old cheese on biscuits brown sprinkled with lemon screech sounds like a winner, nothing like a bit of cheesecake for desert, she will think you are a gourmet chef and invite you to cook for all her friends when you next go to visit her.
  12. Sandy place for a bit anyone?
  13. two weeks! think yourself mother-in-laws here for at least three months depending if if the op goes bad on wednesday and mrsbootboy ends up mrs ironside could be a lot fu cking longer.mind you i have four kids to draw the fire away
  14. Incesting question. Sorry, I meant interesting question.
  15. just before she tips up pop smoke and extract to some watering hole and come back sloshed that way her visit will be more bareable