America is welcome to the complete tosser that is our beloved Prime Minister. "Oh George, please give me a reach around whilst you fcuk my ring!" He is a yes man who has broken nearly all of his previous election promises and generally screwed the country. Cheers Tony, I hope your next son is gay!
A man dies in a car accident, and is surprised to find himself floating on air amidst great white clouds.
As he moves forwards, the clouds part and he sees the pearly gates of Heaven before him, and a smiling St Peter standing by.
It's not the gates that shock him however, but the thousands and thousands of clocks mounted on the gates.
The man says; "St Peter, what are all those clocks for?"
"Those are Lie clocks" answers the saint, "They measure all the lies ever told on earth.
"Look," he continues, pointing to one whose hands are at the twelve O'clock position, "That one was Mother Teresa's. She never told a lie in her life, and the hands have never moved."
He points to another that shows a quarter to three and adds "That one's yours. You've told a few fibs in your time, but not as many as some."
Intrigued, the man looks closer, and after a moment says; "And does Tony Blair have one of these? Where is it?"
"Well," says St Peter, looking sheepish, "It's a little stuffy in my office, so I had it attached to the ceiling..."