My last forlorn hope.. Army 'Insiders' MOST WELCOME OF ALL

Discussion in 'The ARRSE Hole' started by L0udMaN, Aug 8, 2010.

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  1. Edit... THE 'JIST' as requested by a pleasant fellowmelad below.. *ahem* [IS THERE ANY FUSKING HOPE THAT THE BRITISH ARMY WILL SOMEHOW OVERHAUL ITS POLICIES ON LASER EYE SURGERY ACCEPTANCE IN THE NEXT... FIVE YEARS?] ... ^.^

    Hello chaps - completely new here: mostly been on arrsepedia guffawing about anything related to harriet harman but I figured id register and contribute a little :) Or rather, ask feeble, hopeful questions.. Sorry for the essay - but please, read it all before dismissing me as a tw**!

    A couple months back I applied to join the army, figured i was finishing college soon: didnt really want to go to uni back then - wanted a good solid job in a service of some sort: what can i say, im young, inexperienced and filled with hollywood tales of glory. I have my reasons. I put me name down for ammunition technician, soldier career. Did alright enough in the BARB. Was dead chuffed, couldnt wait. Absolutely ruined myself with physical training for it, determined to absolutely annihilate any fitness requirements. (which is great, im a skinny bitch but im now a skinny bitch that can run a long way very very fast :))

    I ended up a little bit messed around: but mainly due to my own interpretation of things I was told - and Ive ended up being stone cold rejected. Initially: my careers adviser (lovely lady, even gave me a pep talk when I got the news! Not sure if im allowed to name and applaud her on here, but still) suspected that my eyesight was outside the army standard (uncorrected, left eye). I was crushed, but requested my opticians form to be faxed through to wherever to check. But I manned up a bit, got on with it - n a few weeks later I did indeed receive a phone call from the AFCO to imply that (based on the fax they'd received back) that my eyesight was actually inexplicably alright. I was overcome with joy (despite knowing full well that my eyesight was outside the requirement, my optician pretty much broke it too)

    This is where I got stupid. I fusking cancelled my university places, stopped learning to drive (because i thought id get my license during training so neednt spend on it) and turned down a full time job offer at the shop I work on saturdays (which id have taken while i worked out my next steps post rejection)

    After, I spent 3 months waiting for appointments at frimley park hospital about a sleeping disorder i enjoy (which, at this point, i believed could be the only thing stopping me from entry) Of course, I gets all that documented and written down after a nice chat with commander cramer, a nice army neurologist: sends all the medical forms and jubjub off (along with my opticians form, for the official verdict)

    Ultimately, when i collect my medical verdict letter from the AFCO i see a big rejected stamp on it. CRUSHED. again. I had/have my heart set on it, thats all. Only small violins playing please, I know i dont have REAL problems. :p. Anyway, apparently, my eyesight was outside of the requirements. (SEEEEETHE) Oh, and my sleep issues didnt help, to be fair. But mainly eyesight. (since, ironically, my sleep issues have evaporated, Cmdr Cramer did himself seem to think that id actually 'grow out of it', so are no longer an issue).

    All the university cancellations n shit were my fault, I jumped to conclusions based on an unofficial verdict - lesson learned.

    But, I cant get it out of my head. I want to join the army. Im now going to end up going to some sort of educational establishment after my unplanned gap 'yah' and do nursing. Or something like that. Probably nursing. Thats good, im getting quals, getting set for the future. But I want to serve. I just do. Maybe im just a kid, but its what i want. But I know I wont even be able to be an army nurse with my criminally wank sullied left eye, even though ill try.

    The crux of my pitious wallowing and wall of ragingly inpenetrable waffle is this:

    IS THERE ANY FUSKING HOPE THAT THE BRITISH ARMY WILL SOMEHOW OVERHAUL ITS POLICIES ON LASER EYE SURGERY ACCEPTANCE IN THE NEXT... FIVE YEARS?

    Before you ask, YES my eyesight is quite bad. Corrected, ie with glasses - its great! perfect. 20/20. Big ol thick lenses. Uncorrected, well - my left eye is outside the requirement. (to be fair, the difference between a person with their uncorrected eyesight JUST inside the standard, and a person just OUTSIDE, is - well, big in terms of optometrical jingjang and googah, but ultimately, you slap the speccies off their spotty face and NEITHER can fusking see past his nose) I could go and get the letter and quote the technical terms and tell you my prescription, but id rather set fire to my own pubes than read that letter again, as it effectively tells me i am an inferior human being, unworthy of even being an army coffee concocting conscript, although i will if the info is needed.

    I hears (not 100% sure) that the current verdict (on lasereye) is that its allowed as long as its at least 12 months prior to joining, and the PRE OPERATION ERROR DOES NOT EXCEED A CERTAIN LEVEL, which my left eye certainly exceeds. Undoubtably. But I am also unreliably informed that the British army may well be reviewing this policy in the future. COULD THIS EVER HAPPEN?! PLEEEEEEASE GIVE ME GOOD NEWS. OR DONT. S**T IN MY EARS: id just like info :) If not, id end up lasering my eyes and then joining the french foreign legion as a nurse (they dont mind) - and i dont want to do that. A) id come crawling back with my tail further between my legs B) I dont want to creep around french guiana being chased by furious crocodiles for months C) I dont want to learn french, i had enough of that bollocks at school.

    commence. (sorry for the waffle, I had to empty my poor, broken wee mousie heart SOMEWHERE)
     
  2. What is the jist
     
  3. Join the legion until the rules change.
     
  4. Join 49 Para, I'm sure they'll take you.
     
  5. Gremlin

    Gremlin LE Good Egg (charities)

    Unfortunately for you, The Armed Forces are about to be soundly shafted by the SDR, and the recruiting parameters are likely to narrow if anything.

    SBP is probably spot on.
     
  6. Gremlin

    Gremlin LE Good Egg (charities)

    That would have been vaguely amusing in 2006 in the NAAFI BAR. This is 2010 and the Recruiting Forum.
     
  7. OP I think maybe the 1st step is to move out of grans house
     
  8. no need to take the piss sir: i didnt shit in your liptons today, so you dont have to be a dick, no? Im 18, not 35.
     
  9. Yknow what? im not surprised. cheers anyway
     
  10. Lipton ice tea. From a can, nice and fresh.

    Turn down the wireless
     
  11. Look, lets lay down some ground rules. No touching of the face or hair.
     
  12. I claim Big Rob and my fiver, which I will obviously give to Hols.

    Pack it in you little shit,
     
  13. fec me!

    to save everyone the pain of reading that hes blind in his left eye, computer says no and he wants to know if he will ever get in
     
  14. You read it all?

    Darling, you are getting a pony for Chrimble.

    Them fuckers didn't get me a pony. Cheap cunts.
     
  15. Thank you snail, that isn't constructive.
    Remember NAAFI for fun, PMs for abuse and grown up forums for other people.

    LM,
    Gremlin is right, a smaller army and a reduced commitment to AFG will mean if anything a tightening of rules.
    Bear in mind also on the manpower side, the increasing number of longterm injured on the books won't mean an increase in establishment (how many people the army can employ/have), but increased pressure on those remaining and a subsequent need for them to be fit and deployable.

    Anyway, there are no crocodiles (or caiman!) in Djibouti!