My husbands in-Should i join?

#1
hi everyone. you've probably seen a post from me regarding Help4Heroes mount kilimanjaro trek, we still need sponsorship, but were dong ok.

anyway, My husbands in the army and has been in for nearly 11 years now, i met him in 06 on his return from Kenya, and i had an application to join up going through the processes, that was untill he told me what he did. I felt like i'd be some kind of crazy stalker if i joined up when id just met him, as i wanted to be in the Engineers and thats what he does. We are now married and have a beautiful daughter, but i just feel really empty, and i regret withdrawing my application.

should i re-apply and have the career ive always dreamed of? and if i did, do you think it'd affect my marriage, or should i just get over it, and let him have his career instead, and i concentrate on being a mother and a house wife.

aarrggghhh! please advise. xx
 
#2
staceyfisher87 said:
hi everyone. you've probably seen a post from me regarding Help4Heroes mount kilimanjaro trek, we still need sponsorship, but were dong ok.

anyway, My husbands in the army and has been in for nearly 11 years now, i met him in 06 on his return from Kenya, and i had an application to join up going through the processes, that was untill he told me what he did. I felt like i'd be some kind of crazy stalker if i joined up when id just met him, as i wanted to be in the Engineers and thats what he does. We are now married and have a beautiful daughter, but i just feel really empty, and i regret withdrawing my application.

should i re-apply and have the career ive always dreamed of? and if i did, do you think it'd affect my marriage, or should i just get over it, and let him have his career instead, and i concentrate on being a mother and a house wife.

aarrggghhh! please advise. xx
Good to see your husand's in full working order :wink:
 
#3
marco_poloroid said:
staceyfisher87 said:
hi everyone. you've probably seen a post from me regarding Help4Heroes mount kilimanjaro trek, we still need sponsorship, but were dong ok.

anyway, My husbands in the army and has been in for nearly 11 years now, i met him in 06 on his return from Kenya, and i had an application to join up going through the processes, that was untill he told me what he did. I felt like i'd be some kind of crazy stalker if i joined up when id just met him, as i wanted to be in the Engineers and thats what he does. We are now married and have a beautiful daughter, but i just feel really empty, and i regret withdrawing my application.

should i re-apply and have the career ive always dreamed of? and if i did, do you think it'd affect my marriage, or should i just get over it, and let him have his career instead, and i concentrate on being a mother and a house wife.

aarrggghhh! please advise. xx
Good to see your husand's in full working order :wink:
sorry, haha, that was a typo. should have said DOING.
 
#4
Well It would be difficult with you both serving as you probably would be posted apart could you handle that?
Who would look after the kids?
Lots to think about
Coops
 
#5
I would imagine that you would be able to have much better advice and input by sitting down with your husband and explaining how you feel to him, and discussing the issues sensibly with him, rather than asking 40 odd thousand total strangers on the internet.

You recognise yourself that your personal circumstances are markedly different now from the way they were when you met your (now) husband. Having a child, while fantastic, also puts obligations and responsibilities on you both in terms of the family. You would need to explore how service life would work for the family if you were to apply now.

Having said that, if this is something that you really desire, you will have to consider what the long term effect of not attempting it will be.

Whatever you decide, good luck. I wish you happiness and fulfilment on whatever path you choose.
 
#6
coops2558 said:
Well It would be difficult with you both serving as you probably would be posted apart could you handle that?
Who would look after the kids?
Lots to think about
Coops
i know, the sensible thing would be to let him have his career and i be the loving supportive wife. It's just that when he's at home and he's talking about work and what they've done and up and coming training etc...it sounds really stupid but it upsets me because i really wanted that too. I know i sound like a silly moaning cow who needs to just get a grip but i have always tried to please everyone else throughout my life and have been what others want me to be and im getting sick of just 'existing'
 
#8
schweik said:
I would imagine that you would be able to have much better advice and input by sitting down with your husband and explaining how you feel to him, and discussing the issues sensibly with him, rather than asking 40 odd thousand total strangers on the internet.

You recognise yourself that your personal circumstances are markedly different now from the way they were when you met your (now) husband. Having a child, while fantastic, also puts obligations and responsibilities on you both in terms of the family. You would need to explore how service life would work for the family if you were to apply now.

Having said that, if this is something that you really desire, you will have to consider what the long term effect of not attempting it will be.

Whatever you decide, good luck. I wish you happiness and fulfilment on whatever path you choose.
Really good advice. Thank you schweik.
 
#10
What you doing on the computer! Can't believe he let you out the kitchen!

lol - There's always one..................and I always try to make sure it's me!
 
#11
well if you change your user name or get one of the mods to change it, it will change on all your posts past and present
 
#12
Maybe you want to try the TA first. You might get a sense of reality, the problems, issues and if it is not just a case of the grass looking greener!
Both parents serving is very difficult, there are however many more forfilling careers that you could do while still supporting your husband, family and filling your needs.
 
#14
staceyfisher87 said:
sharkie said:
well if you change your user name or get one of the mods to change it, it will change on all your posts past and present
oh ok. well i'll just leave it. i kind of have the answer to my question anyway. But thank you.
no problems your very welcome
 
#15
right-grumpy said:
Maybe you want to try the TA first. You might get a sense of reality, the problems, issues and if it is not just a case of the grass looking greener!
Both parents serving is very difficult, there are however many more forfilling careers that you could do while still supporting your husband, family and filling your needs.
i agree, however, if i went TA he would absolutley slate me for being a ''part-timer''
Thank you for the advice anyway but i have the answer to my question now. I think it is best if i let him have his career and i be a mum and make my own in a different way.
what you could do is check out: www.premierplanners.co.uk
and tell me what you think of it, just something i have been doing in my spare time.
thank you.
 
#17
Reality check time, he`s a serving full time soldier, you are a full time mum. How on earth could you both be effective soldiers if one of you needs to be at home all the time, makes him, you, or both an admin case, and believe me that is a real pain in the arse for troop/sqn/regt managers. Also not fair on other serving members when thaey have to cover you/him cos of "the kid". Yes you could leave baby with family/friend/au-pair, but if thats a viable option, then why bother having kids if you dont want to be fully involved in their upbringing,
Sorry if this sounds harsh........but to coin an RE phrase......you chose your trade mate!
 
#18
staceyfisher87 said:
right-grumpy said:
Maybe you want to try the TA first. You might get a sense of reality, the problems, issues and if it is not just a case of the grass looking greener!
Both parents serving is very difficult, there are however many more forfilling careers that you could do while still supporting your husband, family and filling your needs.
i agree, however, if i went TA he would absolutley slate me for being a ''part-timer''
Thank you for the advice anyway but i have the answer to my question now. I think it is best if i let him have his career and i be a mum and make my own in a different way.
what you could do is check out: www.premierplanners.co.uk
and tell me what you think of it, just something i have been doing in my spare time.
thank you.
Having a family, would being a full-timer really be the better option?

What could be better than joining the TA, putting the effort in to gain rapid promotion, eventually outranking him and telling him to crack on with the washing and ironing while you go out for a drink with the boys?

Go on. You have to admit that you like the idea.
 
#19
partymarty1987 said:
Dont be botherd what he says, join the TA. I think this is the best option for you being a mother and wanting to join the Army
What he said.

Best of both worlds.

Plus he can then spoil the rug rat when you are away on exercise.

Yea he will rib you for part time but at least you will be together. He will support you and be slightly envious that you have a 1500 bounty to spend on shoes
 
#20
staceyfisher87 said:
hi everyone. you've probably seen a post from me regarding Help4Heroes mount kilimanjaro trek, we still need sponsorship, but were dong ok.

anyway, My husbands in the army and has been in for nearly 11 years now, i met him in 06 on his return from Kenya, and i had an application to join up going through the processes, that was untill he told me what he did. I felt like i'd be some kind of crazy stalker if i joined up when id just met him, as i wanted to be in the Engineers and thats what he does. We are now married and have a beautiful daughter, but i just feel really empty, and i regret withdrawing my application.

should i re-apply and have the career ive always dreamed of? and if i did, do you think it'd affect my marriage, or should i just get over it, and let him have his career instead, and i concentrate on being a mother and a house wife.

aarrggghhh! please advise. xx
What if you get stationed else were?
 
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