My girlfriend keeps sticking her finger up my bum!

#1
Hello chaps!

Been a while, hasn’t it? I’m currently porking a right squiffy blonde thing who loves it up the bum, only probs is that she demands rights to mine too! She was noshing me off from the front when all of a sudden she stuffed her long finger up my hoop to knuckle depth. I must confess this is a very undignified position for any young chap to find himself in, notwithstanding that it felt ruddy marvellous! :lol: Not that I would eer.. admit that though of course.

The main problem tho was a few days later when I was answering a call of nature, I couldn’t help but notice slight bleeding around the area, I initially thought it would go away but it’s been going on for at least a month & a half now! She must have done some damage with her fingernails & caused internal bleeding. What should I do in these circumstances? I could go to the local GUM clinic but the quack is a rather camp black chap & I’m terrified he’ll bend me over & have a good poke with some marigolds, what if I enjoy that too!? I fear I have little choice in the matter, it is either that or face an ignominious fate.

Help! 8O

~D.C.
 
#2
I had a bird finger my hoop in Germany. Felt ok, considering. And no, I wouldn't consider anything larger up my arrse in a million years!
 
#3
Dashing_Chap said:
Hello chaps!

Been a while, hasn’t it? I’m currently porking a right squiffy blonde thing who loves it up the bum, only probs is that she demands rights to mine too! She was noshing me off from the front when all of a sudden she stuffed her long finger up my hoop to knuckle depth. I must confess this is a very undignified position for any young chap to find himself in, notwithstanding that it felt ruddy marvellous! :lol: Not that I would eer.. admit that though of course.

The main problem tho was a few days later when I was answering a call of nature, I couldn’t help but notice slight bleeding around the area, I initially thought it would go away but it’s been going on for at least a month & a half now! She must have done some damage with her fingernails & caused internal bleeding. What should I do in these circumstances? I could go to the local GUM clinic but the quack is a rather camp black chap & I’m terrified he’ll bend me over & have a good poke with some marigolds, what if I enjoy that too!? I fear I have little choice in the matter, it is either that or face an ignominious fate.

Help! 8O

~D.C.[/quote

Is she an Apprentice Proctologist then?. 8) 8)
 
#4
smudge67 said:
I had a bird finger my hoop in Germany. Felt ok, considering. And no, I wouldn't consider anything larger up my arrse in a million years!
you mean you wouldnt let her grease up her strap on and slip you a length? you havent lived!
 
#7
Filbert Fox said:
smudge67 said:
I had a bird finger my hoop in Germany. Felt ok, considering. And no, I wouldn't consider anything larger up my arrse in a million years!
you mean you wouldnt let her grease up her strap on and slip you a length? you havent lived!
Is that an offer big boy?? ;)
 
#9
It's simple. You're a crap shag and she wants it to be over faster than the normal 30 seconds so that she can get down and dirty with the spin dryer and copy of Men's Health.
 
#10
The thing is DC its a slippery slope, yes you might be getting a thrill out of it now but mark my words, it will end in tears, yours that is

It starts with a finger, then she will be progressing to a dollop of lube and a pair of fingers or the odd thumb. Before you know it you are going to be her bitch, spreading you man flaps whilst she rides you like Red Rum. They say you can milk anything and one day you will catch her Googling prostate milking

This experience will end with an unpleasant moment when she loses a vibrator 'upstairs' because of your rectal orgasm reflex sucks it out of her lubed up fingers.

Lots of guilt, fumbling with tea spoons and other home made speculum substitutes before shi1tting it out in a colon straining session squatting above the toilet rim.







Trust me, think twice before continuing :D
 
#11
smudge67 said:
Filbert Fox said:
smudge67 said:
I had a bird finger my hoop in Germany. Felt ok, considering. And no, I wouldn't consider anything larger up my arrse in a million years!
you mean you wouldnt let her grease up her strap on and slip you a length? you havent lived!
Is that an offer big boy?? ;)
only if youre a dirty bird with a strap on and an amazing collection of lingerie!
 
#12
Dashing_Chap said:
Hello chaps!

Been a while, hasn’t it? I’m currently porking a right squiffy blonde thing who loves it up the bum, only probs is that she demands rights to mine too! She was noshing me off from the front when all of a sudden she stuffed her long finger up my hoop to knuckle depth. I must confess this is a very undignified position for any young chap to find himself in, notwithstanding that it felt ruddy marvellous! :lol: Not that I would eer.. admit that though of course.

The main problem tho was a few days later when I was answering a call of nature, I couldn’t help but notice slight bleeding around the area, I initially thought it would go away but it’s been going on for at least a month & a half now! She must have done some damage with her fingernails & caused internal bleeding. What should I do in these circumstances? I could go to the local GUM clinic but the quack is a rather camp black chap & I’m terrified he’ll bend me over & have a good poke with some marigolds, what if I enjoy that too!? I fear I have little choice in the matter, it is either that or face an ignominious fate.

Help! 8O

~D.C.
That long after her little digital penetration I would doubt if it caused the bleeding. Probably just a simple case of colon cancer. If it hasn't spread a colostomy should fix it.
 
#13
smartascarrots said:
It's simple. You're a crap shag and she wants it to be over faster than the normal 30 seconds so that she can get down and dirty with the spin dryer and copy of Men's Health.
Oh that can’t be true old boy, I’m like a mountain lion! Well, a tabby perhaps… She’s with me for my boyish charm & dashed good looks. It certainly can’t be for my money, I’ve spent it all on her!


meridian said:
The thing is DC…

Do you speak from experience sir or private research :? I’m rather more concerned about my bleeding botty than anything else, to meet one’s fate as a result of a vigorous fingering is hardly very gallant.

Yours &c.

~D.C.
 
#15
She ain't only your girlfriend and the sooner you pay her the sooner she'll stop :D Ask her to put bepanthen on her fingers :p
 
#16
DavidBOC said:
Dashing_Chap said:
Hello chaps!

Blah blah boring old bollocks and blah, waffle, drone, waffle & blah ...............................

~D.C.
That long after her little digital penetration I would doubt if it caused the bleeding. Probably just a simple case of colon cancer. If it hasn't spread a colostomy should fix it.
Dear Splashing Crap

As a near bankrupt nation with a crumbling health service, we need to target NHS resources to where they are most needed and not squander them on colostomy operations for O2 thieving cunts like you old boy. Why not just let nature take its course and do the world a favour. Go on, you know it makes sense................ :skull: :clap:

Yours &c.

~H.N.
 

maguire

LE
Book Reviewer
#17
meridian said:
The thing is DC its a slippery slope, yes you might be getting a thrill out of it now but mark my words, it will end in tears, yours that is

It starts with a finger, then she will be progressing to a dollop of lube and a pair of fingers or the odd thumb. Before you know it you are going to be her bitch, spreading you man flaps whilst she rides you like Red Rum. They say you can milk anything and one day you will catch her Googling prostate milking

This experience will end with an unpleasant moment when she loses a vibrator 'upstairs' because of your rectal orgasm reflex sucks it out of her lubed up fingers.

Lots of guilt, fumbling with tea spoons and other home made speculum substitutes before shi1tting it out in a colon straining session squatting above the toilet rim.







Trust me, think twice before continuing :D

now THATS the voice of experience. :p
 
#18
Meridian, I wonder if your missus and my missus have the same catalogue?
You're right about that slippery slope business. It started with the odd finger from time to time, normally when I was least expecting it. Then came the second finger, and at this point I thought I'd let my ring do the talking as there was no way number 3 was going to force its way in.
So anyway, she had one of these naughty catalogues once and we were flicking tnro it one day, and in amongst the regular 'toys' (Mustapha Shag and Phillipa Hole dolls) there was a section entitled 'roger your man'.
Not wanting to seem like a bit of a wuss, I sort of shrugged it off and said something along the lines of "fair enough, whatever, I'm comfortable with my sexuality etc".

Thinking I'd got away with it, one day she gets home to find one of them Royal Mail slips "too large to fit through your letter box" I think it said. Now I know how small my balloon-knot is, and I know her letter box is a fcuking cave by comparison (her actual letter box, not the Freudian-slip version). So the sweating had already began.
Well this thing was a fcuking monster, but I thought (after plenty of wife-beater) I'm pretty much game for anything.

After about half an hour of fcuking about, it'd hardly gone anywhere. My ring was stinging, which was probably down to using happy shopper fuzzy peach shampoo instead of K-Y. The whole kinky mood had done an 'Andrew Ridgely' about 29 minutes ago, and to top it all off, when I went to caress my botty clean of all the 'lube' afterwards with some ultra soft kandoo botty-wipes, my tea towel holder was fcuking bleeding. So much so, I think it took me a whole two days before I could brave the passing of a stool. I seem to recall eating as much sorbitol as possible too, in order to ease the eventual pain of having that inevitable 'Thomas'.

The fcuking thing's still in her drawer for some reason.
 
#20
Jester, she didn't ask you to suck her off did she, thats the last fcuking straw, especially if she asks after making you squeal like a Pee Eye Gee
 

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