My first assault

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by colton, Dec 11, 2009.

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  1. It is with great pleasure I can announce that my assault cherry has been popped. I went round to the cash machine to lift some notes so I could pay for my takeaway and instead ended up with a fat lip and a very sore arm.

    A group of 6-7 18-20 year olds took an interest in how shiny my bank card was and decided they wanted one just like it, fortunatley the cash machine wasnt working otherwise they would have made off with my money too :(

    I knew things were bad round here but not to the point a guy would be assaulted for nothing more than having a shiny bank card...

    waiting on the police still... might be a long night.
  2. Why are you wasting time posting that, surely it should of been a trip home for the 3 wood and crash helmet, down half a bottle of vodka to numb the pain, then go charles bronson on the fuckers!
  3. Should have said you thought you saw a firearm, the bill would be there in no time.
  4. Word of advice. Don't involve the police. They'll end up stitching you up with something. Seriously, keep off Plod radar. They're only interested in getting you on their database and to tick a box on one of their result stats.
    Best idea, drive round until you spot one of them, follow him. Make sure he's alone and wrap a length of rubber hose round the back of his head. Then treat his knees and the soles of his feet to similar treatment. Tie him up in a carpet, bundle him out the back of a van into the ditch of a country lane forty or fifty miles out in the middle of nowhere.
    You'll feel a sense of achievement that way.
  5. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke LE Book Reviewer

    Did you two go to the same school?
  6. Where's "round here"?
  7. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke LE Book Reviewer

    Somewhere where you can get your 'assault cherry popped'.

    I aint got a scoobie what that means, but it sounds sexy. And I bet we could get an internet site out of it.

    PM me if you find out where it is, yah?
  8. Its over there fella, :arrow:
  9. Rough over there.
  10. It is indeed over there, its not here.
  11. Duke, I think its means he's a never been assaulted type virgin, any self respecting soldier will have fistycuffed everyone in his room. I think its civtalk.
  12. Are you an OAP?
  13. Having read the title I was hoping for a thread on assaulting the summit of a giant mound of fat fleshy arrse belonging to some 20 stone munter.
  14. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke LE Book Reviewer

    I'm just wondering who gets a second pop at his cherry? Its got to be someone, right? And I havent got much on this weekend.
  15. Your sure it wasn't 18-20 6 -7 year olds?

    I think I'm only interested in this story if you served in the Army before 1982.

    If you did then I am sorry that one of our old soldier wasn't treated with more respect.