my ex is threatening to stop contact with my daugter

Discussion in 'The Other Half' started by fusilier50, May 26, 2009.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. 3 years ago i was mobilised and the following day my ex informed me she had been having an affair and told me to leave. We have a 4 year old daughter together and i am named as the father on her birth certificate

    i have been paying far more than i have to in maintenance but have reached a point where i cannot afford to continue.

    i have reduced the amount i pay which still means i pay double the amount the CSA say i need to but shes has now threatened to stop access to my daughter.

    i need advice. i cannot afford an expensive court battle but am terrified she can stop me seeing my kid.

    what can i do about this. do i have any legal rights?
     
  2. msr

    msr LE

    Citizens Advice Bureau.

    You may find a local family lawyer who holds an open clinic.

    msr
     
  3. aslong as you are not a danger to the child then yes u shud get access but whichever way you go it will more than likely end up in court if shes not goin to be nice about it. good luck i really hope your ex wises up and doesnt punish your daugter to get at you.
     
  4. I know that my firm where I work does family work (such as your case) under the legal aid scheme which wouldn't cost you anything. It would depend if you are eligible for legal aid though.

    Have a look on here : http://www.resolution.org.uk/memberSearch.asp?page_id=52

    This lists all the family law solicitors who are members of Resolution (basically those who adhere to a Code of Practice). Use the page to search for a Solicitor close to you, the list will also tell you which Solicitors are legal aid solicitors.

    Even if you aren't eligible for legal aid, it need not be a lengthy court battle. As a Father of the child, you do have rights, make an appointment with a Solicitor as soon as possible. Some Solicitors don't charge for the first appointment so you have nothing to lose.
     
  5. Agreed with above. Organise all of your financial details that show records of payments and get along to a Solicitor who has an open surgery.

    Good luck fella.
     
  6. Get on to Citizen's Advise............ but be warned, due to the current credit crunch, they are extremely busy with people having debt problems.
    If you're still in the mob, then there are occasional free legal surgeries....... ask your admin people. Also, if you've got a Barclays Additions account, then you are entitled to free legal advice.
    The upshot is, as long as you're paying the recommended CSA amount in relation to your earnings, then you are entitled to see your daughter. Also, she has a moral obligation to allow her daughter to see Dad.
    Lastly, don't get emotional and do irrational outbursts........ I did, and it put everything back. Try to play it nicey-nicey as it takes the venom out of their communication with you.
     
  7. Ord_Sgt

    Ord_Sgt RIP

    Surely you have as much right to custody as she has. If she's playing up tell her you will fight her for custody if she won't be reasonable.

    She sounds a bit thick though, what nobber would play up when you're financing her lifestyle over and above the call of duty as per the CSA.

    But of course the best advice is get a solicitor and call the bitches bluff. :D
     
  8. i agreed to pay her over the odds when i was mobilised for telic 8 and never got around to reducing the amount as she was heavily in debt and obviously struggling. the problem is she has got used to that extra cash and its going to hit her hard financially as a result. I know its not my problem but this is why shes gone apeshit about it.

    she claims benefits and doesnt tell them how much i pay her. ive warned her if she wants to get nasty i will use whatever means i can.

    however i agree an open conflict between us will only harm our daughter so i will be taking legal advice asap.

    My daughter is with me now and i am due to return her to her mothers so i can go to work. i dont want to as i now dont know when i will see her again.

    my heads up my ass about this. i was initially terrified but now ive calmed down a little i know what i have to do.

    i'm a good father and the law protects my rights as well as hers
     
  9. Hard as it may be, you need to make sure you are as reasonable as possible so that if it does go to Court then the Judge sees that. Don't get into arguments with your ex partner, as easy as it will be too!

    You do have rights and a Solicitor will advise you exactly of what to do next. Trust me, I see cases like this all the time.
     
  10. She is obviously living in the past when this type of thing was commonplace and acceptable.
    Things have changed and your greatest strength is that she is obviously unaware of this.

    Just say yes to her demands, then see a good brief and get a court hearing if possible, at that point she may well sh1t herself.

    Good luck and don't give up hope, you have a very good case.
     
  11. My first wife did exactly the same thing - though carried out the threat. We were getting divorced anyway, so all contact details were swept up along with this. What I do know, however, is that paying the CSA does NOT guarantee contact rights.

    What I had to do in the end (she even tried to suggest that the girlfriend at the time was sending my lad sexual text messages!) was see a contact officer from the court. I was quite anxious about this - but they are usually switched on to the 'bitter ex' cases and they'd seen through her. Cue a court order giving me access rights. You do have rights. Go through the CSA so its recognised and provable you are paying. Have friends around when with the child to act as character references and above all, DO NOT rise to her - it only gives them fuel for the fire.

    The road is rough, but you do have rights. Pay the proper amount and use rest for legal fees. There are plenty of solicitors that are offering forces discount.

    Again, good luck! You are not alone
     
  12. i had planned to take my daughter away for a long weekend on friday. my ex has now told me i wont be having my daughter so i should cancel it.

    i will keep my cool and wont rise to it but i am struggling to do it. doesnt she realise what shes doing to our daughter

    to give you more background on this i wrote about her and the situation as it was then on 2 years ago
     
  13. fusillier50,
    Please take the advice that has already been posted with regards to contacting a solicitor.
    Myself and my husband have had to deal with the same crock of crap from his ex leech and it`s disgusting how some women can do this, not just to the Fathers but to the Children themselves. Many women have made me ashamed to be female because of the way they use their Child as a bargaining tool.

    We did go down the Solicitor and court route to obtain contact with my Stepson but as the `ex leech` is a probation officer she knew what she could and couldn`t do. She obstructed contact and basically flouted the court order, knowing it would cost us again to go back to court. We haven`t seen my Stepson for over a year and the PAS (parental alienation syndrome) has gotten worse with every day that has passed, my Stepson believes every drop of poison that`s been fed by the ex and we have no idea if the damage that`s been done, can ever be undone.

    We are considering going back to court and self representing, after it cost us £8000+ before, we just can`t afford to use a Solicitor again.
    If you`re worried about the cost of Solicitors then it may be an idea to consider self representing too? There`s some brilliant people on this site who can help and advise on every aspect between CSA and Court procedures, many have self represented and will help as much as they can:

    http://afairercsaforall.myfanforum.org/index.php

    Good Luck x
     
  14. Fusilier

    Please look at Welshy's link and contact a Family Law Solicitor; ideally, try to get to see him/her this week. You may find that the fact that a Solicitor is representing you will have a sobering effect on your ex and that she will start to behave more reasonably. The Solicitor may be able to negotiate this weekend away for you, too.

    http://www.resolution.org.uk/memberSearch.asp?page_id=52

    Difficult situations in life are generally easier to cope with once you have started to take active steps to resolve them, I find. Even though things can't be fixed overnight, knowing that things are turning around in a positive way (especially if someone else is actively working on your behalf) is a great stress reliever.