My cat just knocked me pint over

#1
.... so naturally I was going to drop kick the little fcuker up and down the hall, but then! he started to lick it up! My cat drinks Carlsberg!

Not only that, he rolled about in the stuff until he had soaked loads up in his fur and now he's licking it all off again and purring like Wayne Rooney in a free brothel!

I love my cat he is ace.
 
#4
Steamywindow said:
My cat drinks Carlsberg,
I love my cat he is ace.
It won't be long now until the cat starts to think his is the greatest dancer and start cutting rug round the living room. After that it will try to fight you and everyone else within 20 yards 'cause of the way they are looking at him and his pint!!!
Then comes the love - lots of it for everyone he knows and doesn't know!! After that its time for kebab flavoured cat food and a quick check on the old beer compass and off home to his catflap. If he has a basket then expect it to be swamped - twice, if not then your bed's getting it !!! ENJOY
I love your cat too.
 
#5
Steamywindow said:
.... so naturally I was going to drop kick the little fcuker up and down the hall, but then! he started to lick it up! My cat drinks Carlsberg!

Not only that, he rolled about in the stuff until he had soaked loads up in his fur and now he's licking it all off again and purring like Wayne Rooney in a free brothel!

I love my cat he is ace.
Carlsberg don't make pets but if they did........

Beebs ;)
 
#6
I've run out of Carlsberg now, it's either red wine (a cheeky little Chilean merlot, £2.49 and ready to drink now) or Glenfiddich.

Moogee is likely to be right - me little furry mucker generally does those things anyway. And so do I.
 
#8
[quote="moogeeDo you sleep in a basket ????[/quote]


eeeeeeeerrrrrrrmmmm, what's the rihgt answer there? I have slept in some funny places... btw the cat likes malt whisky! And doritos with melty cheese!
 
#9
Any chance of some 'morning after' photos of the cat - so my cat can learn about the evils of drink???
 
#12
had a dog that loved beer, a "wasted can" from a pic nic we had was drunk by the dog, so was prompty re named "Heineken" and he was cheeky enough to demand his nightly can of beer till a ripe old age by doggie standards!
 
#14
Steamywindow said:
I've run out of Carlsberg now, it's either red wine (a cheeky little Chilean merlot, £2.49 and ready to drink now) or Glenfiddich.

Moogee is likely to be right - me little furry mucker generally does those things anyway. And so do I.
Yeah, but I bet you can't lick your own balls, if not from lack of trying...
 
#15
Steamywindow said:
I've run out of Carlsberg now, it's either red wine (a cheeky little Chilean merlot, £2.49 and ready to drink now) or Glenfiddich.
Comes in a tin labelled Nitromors?
 
#16
Is the cat still bringing back mice! Or is it now bringing back a nice large donner with chili sauce and minus the salad?
 
#17
Some years ago my former marital dog, George, was staying with me for Christmas...aah! On Christmas Day we hosted a young retriever bitch, whose owner was working at the RUH in Bath and then coming up for dinner. Well that dog painted every orifice of the poor young bitch. He had her about fifteen times and then lost the plot. He started going at her head on, from the side and at one point while he was in full sexual coma she walked away, leaving George shagging a clematis. (Note:Clematis is not that thing lady women are always banging on about us not banging on...it is a climbing plant.)

At one point, poor Jade fled the garden and I met her in the utility room. Being a dog lover I absent-mindedly patted her on the head - to receive a healthy ration of dog-fat on my hand. I immediately transferred it to the rim of the glass of port and brandy I was preparing for my mother-in-law. "Thank you Cuddles, " she gummed between her ill-fitting dentures, "no one makes a nice port and brandy like you.."

The next day, the bitch having left (Jade not mum in law) George settled down to provide background retriever action for our Boxing Day party. Well he is a handsome beast...I had a barrel of Courage Best out on the work surface and needed a drip-tray. His blue plastic water bowl was the perfect item for the task. As I flitted about my hostly duties I kept a close eye on the bowl, to ensure it didn't overflow et cetera but people were obviously being diligent guests and not spilling much on the fill.

Or so I thought. Until with a heavy sigh, George just collapsed in the middle of the dining room, gave two or three mighty farts and fell into a drunken coma. Apparently just before collapse of stout party he had been bezzering the guests, rolling over to have his tummy tickled and experiencing difficulty in walking and focussing!

When he went home to Mrs Ex-cuddles he probably told the cat "Best Christmas ever, I got the turkey gizzard, they shipped in a hot young retriever bitch for me and then I got absolutely off my face on Boxing Day...result!"


Come and have a go RSPCA, if you think you're hard enough!!
 
#18
Steamywindow said:
.... so naturally I was going to drop kick the little fcuker up and down the hall, but then! he started to lick it up! My cat drinks Carlsberg!

Not only that, he rolled about in the stuff until he had soaked loads up in his fur and now he's licking it all off again and purring like Wayne Rooney in a free brothel!

I love my cat he is ace.
My dog loves beer soaked cats any chance of borrowing yours to mop up the spillages in my house.
 
#19
I'd have skinned the fcuking thing alive if it'd knocked my beer over - that would have been the final straw. I can't stand the bloody things. I have to live with five of the fcukers - though one's alright - a big black bugger called Leroy (laid back as you like). I've been tempted to bling him up a bit: big ferking goldy-lookin' chain wrapped 'round his neck. I reckon he'd look cool, but 'the woman' fears he'll throttle himself up a tree. Up a tree? Fat chance of that... too much like effort.

Anyhow, I found one of the others on my bloody ironing board this morning. Great. Muddy pawprints and friggin' cat hair all over my board. I swiped it, it leapt off, and the iron went flying off and smashed up both the iron and (more annoyingly) the plug socket. I'm pissed off with the damn things. Whenever there's something flat & soft, or something to sleep in like a washing basket, guaranteed there'll be a bloody cat on or in it.

One of the others is going on a one-way trip as soon as I can get my hands on it (it knows its time is virtually up - and avoids me accordingly). You want to eat frogs, mice, rats & birds you little cow? Then the wilds beckon for you. No more me shelling out for Kit-e-Kat and certainly one less mouth to feed.

I fcuking hate them with a vengeance. The do absolutely fcuk all, cost money, make my eyes itch and trash the furniture. Not for much longer you little cnut. Mark my bleedin' words. Bwuhahahahaha!
 
B

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#20
blessed baby cakes said:
Steamywindow said:
.... so naturally I was going to drop kick the little fcuker up and down the hall, but then! he started to lick it up! My cat drinks Carlsberg!

Not only that, he rolled about in the stuff until he had soaked loads up in his fur and now he's licking it all off again and purring like Wayne Rooney in a free brothel!

I love my cat he is ace.
Carlsberg don't make pets but if they did........

Beebs ;)
.....you'd deep fry them and eat them Chubby.
 

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