• ARRSE have partnered with Armadillo Merino to bring you an ARRSE exclusive, generous discount offer on their full price range.
    To keep you warm with the best of Merino gear, visit www.armadillomerino.co.uk and use the code: NEWARRSE40 at the checkout to get 40% off!
    This superb deal has been generously offered to us by Armadillo Merino and is valid until midnight on the the 28th of February.

My boyfriend can't come.

#4
"Some men simply take longer to ejaculate than others, and sometimes this is because they require more intense penile sensation than most mouths or vaginas can provide."


So its up her her arse then.Simples
 
#6
"I have been with my boyfriend for two months and we were both virgins when we had sex for the first time. I feel so sad because I can't get him to come. We do foreplay and I give him oral sex to get him in the mood. He says once he enters me it feels good but after a minute he doesn't feel anything any more. Can you please help us get over this problem?"

My advice - he should try shagging a woman and stop sticking his todger up your hoop, you mincing ghey.
 
#9
You'd think that none of those commenters knew that a tube of sandpaper (fine grade) lubricated with a good chili sauce is the best of all possible aids to orgasm. Perhaps we should keep it secret.
 

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
#10
Not my usual newspaper,
Run out of the Daily Mail had they? Fucking Pakistani newspaper sellers. I would torch their bins and hoy them through their windows the fucking cunts.

Did you see that story in the Daily Mail the other day about that Lithuanian dwarf who tried to mount a pony? It was really funny.

Here it is...

[video=youtube;Nlk0AjvT6yY]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nlk0AjvT6yY[/video]
 
#13
Run out of the Daily Mail had they? Fucking Pakistani newspaper sellers. I would torch their bins and hoy them through their windows the fucking cunts.

Did you see that story in the Daily Mail the other day about that Lithuanian dwarf who tried to mount a pony? It was really funny.

Here it is...

[video=youtube;Nlk0AjvT6yY]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nlk0AjvT6yY[/video]
I love English Electric 1Co Co1 Class 40.s, don.t you?
 
#16
He says once he enters me it feels good but after a minute he doesn't feel anything any more. Can you please help us get over this problem?
Uncle Cav says:
When he goes all flaccid, does he make excuses to listen to his Doris Day album collection again? Does he close his eyes when you engage in oral sex? Does he ask you to fellate him and grunt in a deep manly way?
If all of these happen, I believe your boyfriend could be suffering from Pooftis Knobgobbleritis. It's a common form of a psychological condition called Queer. (pro.~ ke-Weir).

I believe that you should get him some help right away. It might be best to invest in some Elton john albums, skinny jeans and a ticket to see Rylan Clark in concert. It's going to be tough ahead, but if you love him, then persevere and eventually he'll flourish into a full-scale homosexual. You'll even have the added benefit of an extra friend to go shopping with, to gossip about men and, to the envy of all your friends, you'll be a full scale fag-hag

Good luck.

PS. Stop sucking his cock, incase he's a step ahead of you and has advanced to anal already​
 
#17
Run out of the Daily Mail had they? Fucking Pakistani newspaper sellers. I would torch their bins and hoy them through their windows the fucking cunts.

Did you see that story in the Daily Mail the other day about that Lithuanian dwarf who tried to mount a pony? It was really funny.

Here it is...

[video=youtube;Nlk0AjvT6yY]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nlk0AjvT6yY[/video]
But then Deltics are not really proper locomotives are they? :?

Santa Fe Locomotive.jpg
 
#18
Start thinking outside the box.

My ex found herself in a Futon bed sandwiched between two lads in her first year at Uni, although her drunken sense of morality prevented her shagging them she happily blew, tossed and teased the pair of them until the front of her thigh's and her arse cheeks were nicely decorated, she then sloped off for a shower and thrashed herself inside out.

I once coaxed the entire tawdry tale out of her in bed one morning whilst ripping the head off it, my weighty hangover disallowing anything more than a pale bubble to periodically appear at the tip, by the time she got to the 'then both their finger's were in me' part I was dribbling like a loon, sadly my admission of plumbing some deep, unsavoury depths with a Chambermaid in Puerto Banus only made her angry, angry enough to go home and it bought me a well deserved 24 hour silence.

One rule for one and all that..
 

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
#19
I love English Electric 1Co Co1 Class 40.s, don.t you?
No I do not. They were jinxed. Or maybe not. Maybe their lack of power and no air brakes just made them shite. A poor substitute for the Fucking Daddy in the view of many enlightened people.

[video=youtube;DrzROBNODg0]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DrzROBNODg0[/video]
 
#20
No I do not. They were jinxed. Or maybe not. Maybe their lack of power and no air brakes just made them shite. A poor substitute for the Fucking Daddy in the view of many enlightened people.

[video=youtube;DrzROBNODg0]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DrzROBNODg0[/video]
Not sure C55 were allowed on the Cumbrian Coast Line... So we had to do with 25s, 40s and 47s. Times have changed and today when I go back I can see, sometimes, 20s, 31s, 37s and 66s. And a shit load of Pacers.
 

Latest Threads

New Posts