Mutants in the armed forces.

#1
Ok, I posted this in the joining up thread where it was met with derision and mockery before being unceremoniously thrown away to somewhere called 'the hole' :cry:

Ok I have been looking at Arrse for some time now as I am considering joining the army. I have not been to the AFCO yet as I am a little anxious that they will refuse me outright even though I think I would be a useful asset to any combat unit. So why am I so anxious?

Well, when my mother was pregnant with me 20 years ago she was working at a Rhinoceros sanctuary in Namibia. One evening whilst giving comfort to a young abandoned calf, there was a terrible storm and she and the calf were hit by a thunderbolt which scientists believed contained unusual cosmic radiation. This caused the foetus, or rather me, to genetically mutate and I was born with 50% Rhinoceros DNA. As I grew I developed many features of a Rhinoceros and, being mocked mercilessly at school, was hidden away in a secret location in Croydon. I now live in a shadowy world surviving by grazing late at night and working as a part time crime fighter.

I would now like to contribute full time in the war against terrorism and think that I would be a perfect soldier for Special Forces ops. I am fairly large at around 280kg but can move quickly over short distances and, whilst my sight is quite poor, I have a very acute sense of hearing and smell. I am of course fully armoured so no need for expensive body armour and always charge with ‘bayonet fixed’. I can easily blend into any environment and am able to survive for long periods grazing on nothing more than grass. But I am also human and able to think and, being a girl, have all the normal emotions of a female.

Please do not think this is what you call a ‘Wah’ and please give me some honest advice. I am at the end of my tether here … although to be fair I am quite well behaved off the leash as well.
PLEASE someone give me advice. Does anyone know of any other mutants who may have had a successful career in the armed forces? Are there any other mutants on arrse who could advise?
 
#3
I dont think being a mutant is a problem but having mental issues and being a bit of a penis might be a problem.
 
#4
Oh, i said problem twice in one sentence,maybe it was fate as thats what you are.
 
#8
You could join the IBA - run by one of Croydon's finest, the Baron Castleshort - and fight terrorism worldwide.
 
#15
Knock it off Smiley, you are a previously banned member and not a very funny one. Do one.

Rhino, well done, another thread in the hole
 

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