A muslim chap dies and ends up outside the Pearly Gates where St Peter is there to greet every one. "What do you want"? , "We don't like your kind here so fuck off" says St Peter, "Oh says the muslim "I was a peace loving man and only last week I gave £10 to the local hospice, £10 to a cancer charity and £10 to an old peoples home, are you sure I can't come into heaven?" "Hold on here a moment I'll go have a chat with God" replies St Peter. Half an hour later St Peter returns. "OK", says St Peter, "God agrees with me here's your 30 quid back now fuck off"