Murphy's law on Excercise

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by philqw78, Jul 13, 2011.

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  1. Having left the forces a few years ago I thought I'd come and have a look at your Arrse.

    Its full of whinging basterds. And then I realised perhaps there is plenty to whinge about. These things always pee'ed me off on excercise. I'm sure you lot could add more

    1. If there was a casevac the fattest tw*t in the section got put on the stretcher by the DS
    2. Only when you had finished digging your trench did you get bugged out, never just after you had started digging
    3. Even though there was a stream 10m from your trench you had to wash from a soapdish and make your water bottle last all excercise
    4. If you needed to stay awake you fell asleep and got shouted at
    5. If you needed to get to sleep you couldn't
    5. If the Boss said it was a dry excercise you would get drunk
    6. If you were told there would be a smoker at end ex or the CQ would bring beer out "so no need to bring any beer". You wouldn't see beer until you got back to camp
    7. Same with a schnelly run
    8. As soon as youfell asleep some f*cker would wake you up for stag
    9. And the watch used for stag was always faster than yours.
    10. If something good was going to happen I was doing something sh*t somewhere else.

    In fact I could think of a lot more too.
    (if all this has been said before well FU, I'm old and forgetful now, not that I read it in the first place)
  2. Thanks for taking an interest in my arrse. It's very popular.

    11. Every twat coming back from stag tripping over my basha.
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  3. 12. Some twat putting his bungees right over the top of the route to and from stag
  4. Wasn't me. Mine had bright flourescent tape on them, for health and safety.
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  5. 13.some cunt couldn't be arrsed to strip out their low wire entanglements out.fucking wankers.
  6. On the first half decent semi tac exercise in training I had laid out a near perfect basha, was rooting round in my belt-kit for my mug to compliment my nearly prepared hot wet when a DS appeared with thundie in hand, I paused, he saw me and simply uttered 'fucking carry on!', I was 2 sips into my hot chocolate when he struck the thundie and casually flung it in, fucking bedlam :)
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  7. 14. The fucker on Stag getting the head down getting caught by DS, which caused us to have to move very quickly indeed. Very educational :)
  8. I probably came very close to getting caught whacking off on stag under the cover of darkness then.
  9. Watching the DS rag the most gorgeous woman in the Regiment (and coincidentally his girlfriend) during an E&E ex... And he was merciless!

    During the interrogation phase, she said only three words. We creased up and control was lost by the interrogators.

    What two words? I hear you ask.

    "You're fucking dumped!"

    The twat spent his first night back on camp, in his room listening to her getting proper smashed inside out by a PTI in the room next door.

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  10. Aahhh... the genius of "Semi-Tac" exercises. I remember us trying to rationalise what it might mean, only to discover that it meant a Khymer Rouge style series of fervent contradictions enabling the DS to bollock you for not patrolling properly, sit you in a hollow square for a lesson, get you to stag on all night, demand a full kit inspection the next morning with everything laid out as if you were in your room rather than a woodblock, do clearance patrols, lepoard-crawl around the perimeter and be attacked by Ghurkas while you were getting back from a log run.

    ...Properly shit times!
  11. 15. trying to get some feeling back in your feet by holding them over some burning hand sanatizer gel
  12. 16. Being expected to carry on doing warry shit when you've the biggest fucking hangover-from-hell after a particularly hard Maint Day the day before
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  13. Going on stag and then the field telephone clicking. you answer it and one of the guys you just relieved lets you know he has just relieved his sack all over the earpiece you are now holding.
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  14. Agreed, one minute we were sat playing Kim's game in the sun the next we were hanging out being thrashed in full CEMO for whatever slightly perceived indiscretion they had seen. Mega for less than £150.00 quid a week :)
    • Like Like x 1
  15. Good training for life in general and married life in particular!