Murphy's Law - Arrse style

Anything that can go wrong will go wrong - we've all heard at great length Murphy's Laws of Combat (tracer works both ways, incoming friendly fire isn't, part that are needed to work together can't be shipped together etc etc etc), so now we need Murphy's Laws of Arrse. Things in your everyday lives that always go wrong, related to the normal topics of conversation in the NAAFI.

Here's some of mine for starters:

The day when you wear your emergency white undercrackers is when you get a big winnet of sh1t stuck in your back-hole beard.
The day it rains will be the day your wife needs the car.
The day you get so horrendously spannered that you can't talk is the day you remember how to log in to an on-line forum..

The day you forget to charge your phone is the day you need to make 20 phone calls >beep<..

The day you wake up hung over and have to get the rubbish bags out for the bin lorry and grab the nearest garment (which happens to be the wife's dressing gown) is the day the door slams shut behind you..
30 Seconds after you've just dropped the most eye wateringly retched f-art, sitting at your desk, the best looking totty in the office comes over to ask you a question. :oops: :roll:
When you really need to cr@p, the only stall available will have been pebbledashed... on the seat!
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