Mummy and single

Discussion in 'Join the Army - Regular Soldier Recruitment' started by LoopyLiz, Sep 12, 2009.

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  1. Hey all,

    Don't tear me to pieces for asking this....hehe

    I'm currently in the TA, but always had the intention of probably joining the regs at some point (would have done all this years ago apart from the fairly unexpected arrival of my daughter 4 years ago....whoops)

    I've also got an 8 month old son, and was engaged to be married except it's all sort of gone sour and we've called it off....I'm kind of reassessing my situation and have been thinking more about what I want to do, and even though it's probably not the right time I think I might just go for it now and join properly. Been checking the RAOL for FTRS jobs and that's a bit of a waste of time, so thinking seriously regs....

    Thing is, you don't hear about a lot of single mums in the army! I'm not planning on being pregnant again anytime soon (or, EVER!) so it's really just the logistics of lookin after the kids...does anyone know anything about this. Thought I could try and get a posting down Bordon way or something but even if they'd let me have em with me I'm not sure I'd take them there, god knows what they'd catch lol

    Any input would be great (sorry about the massive post!)
  2. Easy answer, if you can make arrangements for your children to be looked after throughout Phase one and two, will have no problems with child care once you join a working unit, taking into account you may be posted to Germany or hundreds of miles from your family and that the Army is not a normal 9-5 job. If you do not expect special treatment just because you are a single mother and can commit to the same extent as every other soldier. If you have a guaranteed care giver lined up should you be deployed* and being primary care giver will not impact on your service, then you can do it.
    If you cannot give a positive yes to all of the above then I suggest you rethink.

    * for that read, when you ARE deployed and don't think it's years in the future
  3. Cheers Halo, you kinda said what I was already thinking. My ex has already said he's happy to be an army 'wife' if I go for it, so that kind of sorts that. Think it's just me that would need to get used to being away a lot, although probably better that than building an LSW from Lego while playing with my daughter 8O

    I am fit (and I do put out, occasionally) hehe, although guessing it wouldn't take them long to ship me out on herrick, seem to be loads of reccy mechs getting medals at the moment so it'd be sooner rather than later, I'm sure.

    I have decisions to make!
  4. Be aware that you will not get a Quarter unless you are married.
  5. 1. Photos to back up your claim of being fit; that is for us seasoned pervs to assess.

    2. You put out occasionally. Is there a queueing system?

    3. Think long and hard before committing yourself. Long periods of seperation from your kids (and family) isn't for everyone.

    4. Don't worry about medals. They will look for you. :wink:

    H.M. speaks much sense, so listen to her...still need photos though :D
  6. Recce - I had photos but got in trouble for facebooking them (as we were all in uniform and it's apparently a 'terror threat' - think the ASM just hates me)!

    As for the queueing system, I've had a cpl and lcpl so far, but in that order, so unless you're a craftsman there's not much point asking :)

    And the seperation issue is the biggy. I am only 24 but already feel I'm just in the wrong place.....aargh I'm too young for a midlife crisis though!

    Didn't know about not getting quarters though - maybe a marriage of convenience is on the cards!
  7. Oh dear! First off it is a security to risk to you and your family to splash photos and personal details over the internet. Might seem ridiculous but to those of us who have served through the IRA threat and had friends blown up outside their own house it makes perfect sense not to broadcast details as who knows who might be reading things.
    Next bit , temper your 'I'm sleeping through the ranks bit', you might be joking but when some of our site worthies come a-reading you're going to get a reputation you'll never remove and all ranks read this site. Oh and if you're going to do it at least go up the way through the ranks, more scope you see :wink:
    You probably already are, but think long and hard about the separation issue, the Regs are not the same as the TA no matter how similar the trade, the reality of life is very different. As it stands you have the best of both worlds. If you give that up make sure you are fully aware that you will spend long periods away from your kids.
    As for the marriage of convenience just remember the Army is still stuck in the Victorian era and iyou were caught having what they would see as an affair they would be seriously unimpressed
    It's a big move and I can only wish you luck in making the right decision.
  8. Thanks halo, it's all good advice (especially sleeping 'up' the ranks and not 'down' them lol). I do have the best of both worlds at the moment, it's just that I live for my wednesday evenings and weekends at the moment (maybe a bit of emotional instability going on there I guess) and want more of it.

    Having said that, stripping a foden down every day of the week might get pretty boring!

    I certainly need to think about this a lot more. Maybe I'll have another look at ftrs, perhaps just doing a tour would get all this out of my system! Or give me the bug even more 8O hehe x
  9. Trying a tour sounds like a good idea. That way you'll see how a Reg unit works and how you feel being away for months at a time. Hopefully by the end of it you will know whht you want from life.
  10. As a service-person with dependant children you don't have to be married to get a quarter, viz you will get one but not until you have completed Phase 2 trg.

    However your 'ex' will not be able to live in the quarter unless you're married. B...u...t if he is the nominated primary care-giver then this changes things.

    I would advise speaking to a Unit Welfare Officer - any Unit - for the full lowdown. Now that the housing has been handed over to MODern Housing Solutions (or whatever they're called this week) it's on gone a bit nightmarishly beaureucratic; not that it was ever simple!!
  11. LoopyLiz, you are a parent, furthermore, you are a mother. Do you honestly believe an 8 month old baby needs neglect?

    Im sorry, but you have made your bed, its too late, do the honourable thing and look after your children.
  12. Yeah but most TA soldiers I know that have transferred into the Regs, have forgone phase 1 & 2 training and gone straight to the unit.
  13. if you're the 'primary' carer of the children and they spend most of their time with you then you are classed as pstatcat 2 and entitled to SFA (a quarter).

    maj_boothroyd is incorrect what he states about the father being able to live with you if designated as the carer, infact the jsp is quiet specific and states that a nominated carer cannot be the other parent. your partner could stay with you, but no more than 28 days in 60. you would be entitled to have an au pair/nanny live with you.

    MODern housing solutions are the housing prime contractor and are responsible for maintenance, not housing allocation and policy, that remains with defence estates through your local HIC.

    my experience of single mums in the army, particularly junior ranks, is that it is seldom a smooth process and they create proportionately more problems than married counterparts.

    being in regulars is a lifestyle that requires selfless commitment...i doubt this is possible as a young single mum.

    hope this pse post your pics so we can determine whether to keep offering advice...or not!!!
  14. I totally agree with halo on this.

    It's easy to say yes to all the questions but the reality is often very different.

    My son is a single father.
    The army bent over backwards to help him when he was fighting for her,posted him back to the uk,unit near home etc.They were also prepared to give him a quarter.

    Reality was that we decided(and thats just us)it just wouldnt work.
    It was all sorts of things,money,he was still 40 miles away from me.What happens when he goes on tour,how would i get her to school.

    I have her during the week and he takes over at weekends,although i do let him be a normal 21 year old at least one night at the weekend :) She is 4 and she totally excepts thats the way things are.I think children adapt very well.She knows Daddy does his soldiering when she is at school and will see him at the weekend.
  15. Forastero

    Forastero LE Moderator

    Shite deleted. Stay on topic or stay out.