Multitasking, Lateral thinking, Man flu Bullshit?

#1
Time to lay to rest one (if not three) of the modern age myths I think.

Does anyone actually know of one single Doris who can:

Multitasking
Do more than one thing at a time and not fuck up all tasks, or triple the time she would have taken if she'd just done one thing at a time?

Lateral thinking
Concentrate on any subject other than Coronation Street for more than 20 mins?

Do anything other than bleat when they come down with a virus, then try to convince us that we'd be worse if we had it?

I've had a god awful virus now for just over a week, Saturday was my worst day. I got up at 4am, went to an event I was organising, stood all day in the pissing down, wind swept moorland whilst delegating to a 60 man team.... came home to find the wife in bed shivering and saying..... and I quote: "I think I'm coming down with what you've got, but at least I keep going".

Venus and Mars it is then I though... got showered and sank half a bottle of Brandy and watched SNATCH. I still feel like shit... I still haven't stopped working... as I type... her in doors is also in bed.
 
#2
Multitasking - Fair 'nuff. Little Sgt. C.K could navigate in the dark while I'm stumbling in the dark and counting paces and she'd still be able to hold a conversation with another female at the same time - usually something banal about Corrie etc. - and get us within plus/minus 10m.

Lateral thinking - Not sure about that one. I'm from the world of Critical Thinking. The Scarey One is from the world of not thinking... see posts passim

Decision making - FFS! "Darling, my little vampire, do you want a brew?".... TSC, after at least ten seconds. "Hmmm... what?" or, as usual, "My darling viper, what do you want for dinner?"..... sometime later.... ND: "Too late, it's ready." etc. etc.

ND: "My back/head/leg etc. hurts.".... TSC; "Both of mine hurt"... irrespective of whether she only has one head/back.
 
C

Crio

Guest
#3
Time to lay to rest one (if not three) of the modern age myths I think.

Does anyone actually know of one single Doris who can:

Multitasking
Do more than one thing at a time and not fuck up all tasks, or triple the time she would have taken if she'd just done one thing at a time?

Lateral thinking
Concentrate on any subject other than Coronation Street for more than 20 mins?

Do anything other than bleat when they come down with a virus, then try to convince us that we'd be worse if we had it?

I've had a god awful virus now for just over a week, Saturday was my worst day. I got up at 4am, went to an event I was organising, stood all day in the pissing down, wind swept moorland whilst delegating to a 60 man team.... came home to find the wife in bed shivering and saying..... and I quote: "I think I'm coming down with what you've got, but at least I keep going".

Venus and Mars it is then I though... got showered and sank half a bottle of Brandy and watched SNATCH. I still feel like shit... I still haven't stopped working... as I type... her in doors is also in bed.
Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. ;-)

Case by case basis I think - for example: Throwing up everything I so much as look at currently, want to sleep for the UK, bite people's heads off for sneezing, etc. Every time I complain about said ailments, Huz-Band says something along the lines of "I'm tired/sick/somehow schmatty too, I know how you feel." You do?? Then we need to get in touch with the Guiness Book of Records - there's no way you should have been able to knock me up if you also have a uterus! We could be SQUILLIONAIRES!

Will freely admit than in many circumstances Huz-Band is better at multi-tasking than me. But not where TV is concerned. If there is a ball on the screen or an especially impressive pair of knockers, yer on to plums. It's really good fun though - so far have managed to tell him: "I think this might actually be quadruplets in here you know", "I really fancy buying one of those little smart cars, we could put it on your credit card", "My head fell off, but it's cool - I just sewed it back on with dental floss." "My really fit mate from Marlebone asked if we fancied a threesome, but I said you wouldn't fancy it"...

Response to all of the above - "Alright, cool." Not a fcukin' blink.

And I can multi-task. I'm working right now. :mrgreen:
 
#4
Time to lay to rest one (if not three) of the modern age myths I think.

Does anyone actually know of one single Doris who can:

Multitasking
Do more than one thing at a time and not fuck up all tasks, or triple the time she would have taken if she'd just done one thing at a time?

Lateral thinking
Concentrate on any subject other than Coronation Street for more than 20 mins?

Do anything other than bleat when they come down with a virus, then try to convince us that we'd be worse if we had it?

I've had a god awful virus now for just over a week, Saturday was my worst day. I got up at 4am, went to an event I was organising, stood all day in the pissing down, wind swept moorland whilst delegating to a 60 man team.... came home to find the wife in bed shivering and saying..... and I quote: "I think I'm coming down with what you've got, but at least I keep going".

Venus and Mars it is then I though... got showered and sank half a bottle of Brandy and watched SNATCH. I still feel like shit... I still haven't stopped working... as I type... her in doors is also in bed.


The problem is though that you actually had/have a normal cold and she has full blown ebolaflu. So you are making a fuss over nothing while she is bravely battling on against overwhelming odds.

Or at least that is what my wife says :)
 
#6
More like:

Men are from bars, women don't have a penis!

End of chat!
 
#7
mine can't walk and drink from a water bottle at the same time.

but yeah she's much better than me at multi tasking, it's what the magazines say innit.
 
#8
I had the "I'm ill-er than you" last week. She had cold, cue 3 days off work sick (she only works 3 days a week anyway). I come down with the same illness & still go to work. She's on the phone telling the rest of her witches coven that I've got man-flu & how she bravely battled on through her illness. Snakes with tits all of them.
 
C

Crio

Guest
#9
Nice one. By the way... good lad you got there... and... this fit mate of yours... - piccies? I knowwwwwww!

Women from Earth.... give me a break. :mrgreen:
"The lad" is awesome. Just 100% LAD, can't really complain about that.

Piccies - Will do my best. Can't access FB here though. Arrse....

Women are from Earth. And God is a woman. Who else would have a sufficient sense of humour to put something as sensitive as testicles on the outside?
 

B_AND_T

MIA
Book Reviewer
#10
Women multi task, fucking no chance. Can they have sex the same time as having a headache? Can they as hell as like.
 
#11
"The lad" is awesome. Just 100% LAD, can't really complain about that.

Piccies - Will do my best. Can't access FB here though. Arrse....

Women are from Earth. And God is a woman. Who else would have a sufficient sense of humour to put something as sensitive as testicles on the outside?
On the subject of bollocks and Godliness... surely if you were right... then we'd all have much bigger weaponry, never ND and actually know what or where the clitoris is?

No no no... clearly Venus... I rest my case.
 
C

Crio

Guest
#12
On the subject of bollocks and Godliness... surely if you were right... then we'd all have much bigger weaponry, never ND and actually know what or where the clitoris is?

No no no... clearly Venus... I rest my case.
Redirect your Honour:

If she had done all of the above, we would have no reasons to complain about you and therefore no justification for feeling superior.

B&T - the answer to your headache problem my friend: Aspirin on the cock - she can take it orally or as a suppository, her choice.
 
#13
if god is a man or a woman....

would god make use of his/her genetilia? who would he/she shag? would he/she masturbate? would god choose it's sex by picking the sex with the better orgasms? or just be the ultimate sex god? massive tits and genetilia everywhere!
 

B_AND_T

MIA
Book Reviewer
#14
Women multi tasking??? They should try balancing a lap top on your knees, while having a wank and keeping an eye on the bathroom door in case the kids walk in.

Now that's a skill.
 
#15
Women can't really multi-task, it's just we are forced to attempt it because men are such lazy twats.

I had a go at it once after seeing my old man in the hallway looking like he was sponsored by Special Brew pissing all over our dog, I attempted to plug his jap eye with one finger like Hans fucking Brinker, kick the dog into the lounge and shove the husband into the toilet all at the same time.

The result? I got covered in piss, the towel rail was snapped off the bathroom wall by a collapsing Frank Gallagher and the dog proceeded to follow suit and wazz up the side of the sofa.

The lesson learned? Don't have a dog, or a husband.
 
C

Crio

Guest
#16
Women can't really multi-task, it's just we are forced to attempt it because men are such lazy twats.

I had a go at it once after seeing my old man in the hallway looking like he was sponsored by Special Brew and pissing all over our dog, I attempted to plug his jap eye with one finger like Hans fucking Brinker, kick the dog into the lounge and shove the husband into the toilet all at the same time.

The result? I got covered in piss, the towel rail was snapped off the bathroom wall by a collapsing Frank Gallagher and the dog proceed to follow suit and wazz up the side of the sofa.

The lesson learned? Don't have a dog, or a husband.
:rofl:

I have just spat tea all over my keyboard.
 
C

Crio

Guest
#18
Shit! Another one that doesn't swallow.
Well not when I'm laughing, no. :mrgreen: If I found cause to laugh during a BJ I doubt my inability to swallow would be the biggest problem.

TBH (And I'm going to be burned as a sex traitor here) a lot of the "Bloody Men" battle cries really annoy me.

Cases in Point:

It takes exactly as much effort for you to put the seat down as it does for him dear, and it's infinitely preferable to drips.
If he's not listening, maybe you're not being very interesting. Go get some poledancing lessons or something, watch the attention span rocket.
They're not pets - don't treat them as such and they won't devolve to that level. "Oooh I 'ave to do everything for 'im".... No you fcukin don't, stop playing the martyr.
If he can't find it - SHOW HIM WHERE IT IS YA DAFT BINT.

Give me the others - I'll square 'em. :x
 
#19
If you want something done give it to a man.

If you want it fucked up 9 different ways from Sunday give it to a ..........

If you want a decision, advice or direction ask a man

If you want sympathy ask a ....

However she is pretty good at finding things. My guess though is she hides stuff just to keep me randomly confused.

Occasionally I pee in her wardrobe so fair is fair.
 
#20
Well not when I'm laughing, no. :mrgreen: If I found cause to laugh during a BJ I doubt my inability to swallow would be the biggest problem.

TBH (And I'm going to be burned as a sex traitor here) a lot of the "Bloody Men" battle cries really annoy me.

Cases in Point:

It takes exactly as much effort for you to put the seat down as it does for him dear, and it's infinitely preferable to drips.
If he's not listening, maybe you're not being very interesting. Go get some poledancing lessons or something, watch the attention span rocket.
They're not pets - don't treat them as such and they won't devolve to that level. "Oooh I 'ave to do everything for 'im".... No you fcukin don't, stop playing the martyr.
If he can't find it - SHOW HIM WHERE IT IS YA DAFT BINT.

Give me the others - I'll square 'em. :x
i want to touch your special place.
 
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