Multitasking, Lateral thinking, Man flu Bullshit?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by BanjoBill, Mar 1, 2011.

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  1. Time to lay to rest one (if not three) of the modern age myths I think.

    Does anyone actually know of one single Doris who can:

    Do more than one thing at a time and not fuck up all tasks, or triple the time she would have taken if she'd just done one thing at a time?

    Lateral thinking
    Concentrate on any subject other than Coronation Street for more than 20 mins?

    Do anything other than bleat when they come down with a virus, then try to convince us that we'd be worse if we had it?

    I've had a god awful virus now for just over a week, Saturday was my worst day. I got up at 4am, went to an event I was organising, stood all day in the pissing down, wind swept moorland whilst delegating to a 60 man team.... came home to find the wife in bed shivering and saying..... and I quote: "I think I'm coming down with what you've got, but at least I keep going".

    Venus and Mars it is then I though... got showered and sank half a bottle of Brandy and watched SNATCH. I still feel like shit... I still haven't stopped working... as I type... her in doors is also in bed.
  2. Negligent-Discharge

    Negligent-Discharge LE Book Reviewer

    Multitasking - Fair 'nuff. Little Sgt. C.K could navigate in the dark while I'm stumbling in the dark and counting paces and she'd still be able to hold a conversation with another female at the same time - usually something banal about Corrie etc. - and get us within plus/minus 10m.

    Lateral thinking - Not sure about that one. I'm from the world of Critical Thinking. The Scarey One is from the world of not thinking... see posts passim

    Decision making - FFS! "Darling, my little vampire, do you want a brew?".... TSC, after at least ten seconds. "Hmmm... what?" or, as usual, "My darling viper, what do you want for dinner?"..... sometime later.... ND: "Too late, it's ready." etc. etc.

    ND: "My back/head/leg etc. hurts.".... TSC; "Both of mine hurt"... irrespective of whether she only has one head/back.
  3. Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. ;-)

    Case by case basis I think - for example: Throwing up everything I so much as look at currently, want to sleep for the UK, bite people's heads off for sneezing, etc. Every time I complain about said ailments, Huz-Band says something along the lines of "I'm tired/sick/somehow schmatty too, I know how you feel." You do?? Then we need to get in touch with the Guiness Book of Records - there's no way you should have been able to knock me up if you also have a uterus! We could be SQUILLIONAIRES!

    Will freely admit than in many circumstances Huz-Band is better at multi-tasking than me. But not where TV is concerned. If there is a ball on the screen or an especially impressive pair of knockers, yer on to plums. It's really good fun though - so far have managed to tell him: "I think this might actually be quadruplets in here you know", "I really fancy buying one of those little smart cars, we could put it on your credit card", "My head fell off, but it's cool - I just sewed it back on with dental floss." "My really fit mate from Marlebone asked if we fancied a threesome, but I said you wouldn't fancy it"...

    Response to all of the above - "Alright, cool." Not a fcukin' blink.

    And I can multi-task. I'm working right now. :mrgreen:

  4. The problem is though that you actually had/have a normal cold and she has full blown ebolaflu. So you are making a fuss over nothing while she is bravely battling on against overwhelming odds.

    Or at least that is what my wife says :)
  5. Nice one. By the way... good lad you got there... and... this fit mate of yours... - piccies? I knowwwwwww!

    Women from Earth.... give me a break. :mrgreen:
  6. More like:

    Men are from bars, women don't have a penis!

    End of chat!
  7. mine can't walk and drink from a water bottle at the same time.

    but yeah she's much better than me at multi tasking, it's what the magazines say innit.
  8. I had the "I'm ill-er than you" last week. She had cold, cue 3 days off work sick (she only works 3 days a week anyway). I come down with the same illness & still go to work. She's on the phone telling the rest of her witches coven that I've got man-flu & how she bravely battled on through her illness. Snakes with tits all of them.
  9. "The lad" is awesome. Just 100% LAD, can't really complain about that.

    Piccies - Will do my best. Can't access FB here though. Arrse....

    Women are from Earth. And God is a woman. Who else would have a sufficient sense of humour to put something as sensitive as testicles on the outside?
  10. B_AND_T

    B_AND_T LE Book Reviewer

    Women multi task, fucking no chance. Can they have sex the same time as having a headache? Can they as hell as like.
  11. On the subject of bollocks and Godliness... surely if you were right... then we'd all have much bigger weaponry, never ND and actually know what or where the clitoris is?

    No no no... clearly Venus... I rest my case.
  12. Redirect your Honour:

    If she had done all of the above, we would have no reasons to complain about you and therefore no justification for feeling superior.

    B&T - the answer to your headache problem my friend: Aspirin on the cock - she can take it orally or as a suppository, her choice.
  13. if god is a man or a woman....

    would god make use of his/her genetilia? who would he/she shag? would he/she masturbate? would god choose it's sex by picking the sex with the better orgasms? or just be the ultimate sex god? massive tits and genetilia everywhere!
  14. B_AND_T

    B_AND_T LE Book Reviewer

    Women multi tasking??? They should try balancing a lap top on your knees, while having a wank and keeping an eye on the bathroom door in case the kids walk in.

    Now that's a skill.
  15. Women can't really multi-task, it's just we are forced to attempt it because men are such lazy twats.

    I had a go at it once after seeing my old man in the hallway looking like he was sponsored by Special Brew pissing all over our dog, I attempted to plug his jap eye with one finger like Hans fucking Brinker, kick the dog into the lounge and shove the husband into the toilet all at the same time.

    The result? I got covered in piss, the towel rail was snapped off the bathroom wall by a collapsing Frank Gallagher and the dog proceeded to follow suit and wazz up the side of the sofa.

    The lesson learned? Don't have a dog, or a husband.