Bear in mind that going down on you is NOT compulsory ... however, to your advantage, there are very few men, if any, who would turn down the opportunity, given half the chance.

Another very important thing to remember is, keep your girly bits nice and fragrant ... you never know when I might feel the urge to say hello to that lovely part of your anatomy.

Extension to first rule above ... if you get muff dived, enjoy every moment and just be grateful you have a man who adores you enough to do it.

These ears are NOT handles to pull my face deep into your pussy ... I know it's called muff diving but holding my breath for an indefinite period is not an option, I'm a mammal and as such, need to surface for air once in awhile!

Extension to third rule ... also please DO NOT apply pressure to the back of my head, as already mentioned, I need oxygen. How many men do you know that are capable of breathing through their ears or arses?

Along the lines of third and fourth rule ... not a good idea to clamp your lovely thighs shut in excitement during any part of the proceedings. The sensation of being suddenly and without any warning, struck deaf, dumb and blind can be very traumatic! Add to this scenario, not being able to speak due to having my head in the death grip of your thighs, although nice, is also a little scary, especially when the only means of communication left is sign language which, with your eyes probably shut tighter than a ducks arse, you wouldn't see ... anyway how many of us would know the sign language for "Darling I can't f**kin’ breathe!"

Reading a book or talking about the price of fish at Tesco's while I do it is a definite no-no, especially if you would like more of the same in the future.

However, If you like how I do it, it's not a good idea to try and discover where, with whom or how many pussy's it took to perfect the technique you are enjoying. Just lay back, moan, squirm, be as Meg Ryan as you like but enjoy it and be happy that I'm good at it. (See also third rule about gratitude).

When you hear your girlfriends moaning about how their men don't go down on them very often, please don't say anything as it's not on to either sympathise with them or brag about how often you get your minge munched.

Feeling randy when you wake up does not mean that I have to kissy- kissy, slurp it "Good Morning" But seeing as it's you, I probably would (See first rule).
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