Mr Vice Wind ups :-)

We've got a dinner night in a month and I was looking for some original ideas for setting up Mr Vice?

Had a lot of the usual stuff like flour in the napkin and putting a phone under his chair to be rung when he gives the toast, but most people know all these old favourites :) so I was looking for some new ideas of what to do that he wont expect.

If you have access to a friendly dentist, having a wine glass drilled is always a chuckle...

Fishing wire can also produce some excellent results if tied to cutlery etc..

If he has a gavel it can be rigged up by an ATO; this sadly requires a bit of time and I never got to put this one into practise :-(

cellotaping a mibile phone under the table and ringing it is great too...

or just spiking his drinks and getting him drunk, he will be his own worst enemy then lol
If you have a comfort break hide his chair and watch him panic.
On the dentist theme, dental anaesthetic on the rim of all his glasses.


Some kind of pipe directed into his nether regions. On the other end, a large bore syringe filled with a suitable liquid.
Can testify to having seen the dental analgesic trick in practice and results were excellent - the poor girl in question could barely get a recognisable word out.

Particularly good one if you can get the right prop is the alarm clock timed for when he/she makes their toast. I used one that was shaped like a mosque and the wake up was the muslim call to prayer blasted out at top volume. Mr Vice looked like he had s*** himself.

- Clingfilm over the glass (makesure it looks good though)

- cutlery attached to string


- fart machine under the table (although you will have to resist the urge to press the button every 5 minutes!)

- thinking on the gavel- if there is a felt lining on the bottom of the gavel, why not lift that up and put those little paper bangers (the ones you can get from the joke shop for 50p a packet) under the felt?

- Writing embarrassing notes on the name cards and sending them up to him (supposing that he has to read them all aloud)

- working some form of laxative into his drink/food (this work great if you know the waiting staff)

- Spiking his drink in weird and wonderful ways

- icing powder (very important), or talc in the napkin

- WHoopee cushion after the piss break

- RE: the PHONE- make sure you buy the most OBNOXIOUS rington known to man (that f*cking frog or sweety the chick should do it).

thats enough for now!

How about spreading a little Marmite under the chair seat, just where you hold the chair when you sit down to pull yourself closer to the table. Works well when combined with any powdery surprises.

Hosepipe taped under the table (with black nasty or similar) with one end pointing to the victim's trousers and a squeezy water bottle on the other end.

For the undectable wet pants joke, if you have the black vinyl style dining room chairs, ubiquitous in many messes, poke the seat repeatedly with a small nail (but not so that the holes are visible) and inject the foam inside with water. Won't damage the chair and very difficult to spot.

Place a drop or two of blue food colouring in your victim's white wine glasses.

If the chair is close to a table leg, secure one to the other with wire and cover with stout tape. (Be careful not to damage the wood so protect the wire with something.)

Command wired party poppers filled with powder sugar or cornflour. (Leave the cardboard insert in so the charge doesn't ignite the powder by accident....)

Handcuff victim to large object.

Not forgetting, of course, the swinging kipper....
happyhammer said:
If you have a comfort break hide his chair and watch him panic.
Make sure you remove the entire place setting and get everyone on his side of the table to spread out to fill the gap. Does not create so much panic as it does total confusion, especially if he's spent the evening having his drinks spiked, as suggested above.
Apparently some of the subbies had a brainwave and superglued all the cutlery to the table. It was a stroke of genius until they were told how much it would cost to repair the tables...still it has the potential to be a winner.
hellfyyr said:
or just spiking his drinks and getting him drunk, he will be his own worst enemy then lol
yeeha! Rohypnol and Viagra are for winners. Use them as you see fit! :twisted:
felixthefox said:
hi folks can sum 1 explain the flour in the napkin?
At the risk of a "wah"... Open napkin & get white powder all over your nice smart mess dress, as well as the place setting & your unfortunate neighbours.
CardinalSin said:
hellfyyr said:
or just spiking his drinks and getting him drunk, he will be his own worst enemy then lol
yeeha! Rohypnol and Viagra are for winners. Use them as you see fit! :twisted:
VIAGRA! Inspired! No need for roofies, just make sure there's an extra decanter of port that makes it's way to him every 2-3mins.

One trick that was reportedly once played in the mess at RAF Brawdy was to hold a competion, teams to be led by the new boys of each Sqn (i.e. studes). The game was played by seeing which team (Sqn) could pass their dining table through a hula hoop the fastest. (Axes, saws etc. to be furnished, breaking stuff, for the use of.)

The trick is that the Sqn who proposed the race all chipped in a few quid, went to a junk shop, dropped a couple of hundred quid on an old table and bunged the lineys a few quid to spruce it up so it could pass muster at a glance. Come Monday morning, the CO of the other squadron got presented with a rather hefty bill by the PMC for the cost of an oak table with the RAF crest engraved in the centre that by then was forming the log pile in the ante room.
For this one you need all the "players" in the vicinity of Mr Vice - and he MUST be wearing spurs.

During pud, a Subbie crawls under the table and loops a climbing rope around Mr V's feet - over his spurs - with a good running knot. Rope is then gently laid along "players'" laps.

When Mr V is called upon to respond to the loyal toast, players take up slack and just as he is getting up, pull hard. Mr V vanishes from sight, to much mirth all around.

The trick now is to maintain enough pressure on the rope to let him get up and make a very flustered toast, but not ease off when he sits down. Therefore - when he gets up to make the 2nd toast (Col-in-Ch or Ladies) he will resist by pushing against the table to get to his feet.

If you are very lucky, you will have the memorable sight of CO's and VIP Guests port glasses moving away from them and the priceless expression on their faces. It worked for me while Mess Sec - once! Then MANY extras!!
I recall a very flustered Mr Vice muttering the toast under his breath again and again - 'right, it's Harald the Fifth, King of Norway, Harold the fifth, King of Norway....not King Harold, Harald the Fifth....', and those either side counter-muttering 'Olaf the Hairy, King of the Vikings', and when the moment came....... "Gentlemen.. Harold the Hairy, King of the Vikings".


I nearly wet myself.

And setting someone up to do a 'mexican wave' - the biggest 'WAHEY' and star jump you ever saw.......followed by silence as his co-conspirators failed to join in.... and sight of the the Maj Gen at the end of the table leaning towards the CO and clearly discussing 'that young man over there'.

But nicking the chair always works. Best keep it simple.

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