Mr. Men of Today LITTLE MISS JORDAN LITTLE MISS JORDAN, above, was a normal little girl with a bright smile and big blonde bunches. Early one morning she decided she wanted to be a star. But what could she do? With no talent, Little Miss Jordan didnt know where to start. She stood in front of the mirror, looking this way and that, wondering how she could be famous. How can I be bigger than everyone? she asked her puzzled reflection. Suddenly it dawned on her how she could stick out from the other normal girls. She could make her boobs bigger. As the days and months passed, her boobs grew and grew and grew. Then one day they got so big, Little Miss Jordan fell flat on her face and they popped! MR ASYLUM SEEKER MR ASYLUM SEEKER was asleep in his house, far far away. He was having a dream about a magical land. He dreamt of a country where he could get a free house, go to hospital for free and where his children would get a free education. A place where he would not be turned away. And the next morning, he got up, he yawned, he packed his suitcase and he hitched a lift with all his friends. He travels through Belgium but most of his friends are stopped and sent home. He doesnt want to join them so he goes to Holland but he realises he cant stay. So on he travels to Britain, where he knows he can slip through a net with very big holes in it. MR ALBANIAN GANGSTER MR ALBANIAN GANGSTER didnt like it in Albania so now he lives in Britain. He hangs out with Mr Drug Dealer and Mr Asylum Seeker. He often likes to do the same things as them. But Mr Albanian Gangster has a kind side he invited all of his friends sisters to stay. He even gave them a job. He put all his friends sisters in a house together and then invited lots of men to come and see them so they would never get lonely. The men had such a good time they even paid Mr Albanian Gangster to visit the house. Unfortunately the poor girls saw none of the money. Mr Albanian Gangster pocketed the lot LITTLE MISS SUPERMODEL LITTLE MISS SUPERMODEL was the tallest girl in her school. Her legs were so long small girls could walk under her and she wouldnt notice. She wore an incy-wincy skirt which she wore so low it nearly fell off her teeny-weeny hips. Everyone called her beanpole and lanky. Then one day as she walked round the shops with small people scurrying under her long, long legs, someone stopped her. Do you know what she was asked? She was asked if she had ever thought of being a model. The next day she was on the catwalk, the day after that she was on the cover of Vogue and on the third day she was a supermodel. All Little Misses want to be Little Miss Supermodel. But it is a hard life. For poor Little Miss Supermodel is not allowed to eat very much. She has a lettuce leaf for breakfast, a lettuce leaf for lunch and two lettuce leaves for dinner. Sometimes she gets so thin, she thinks she might snap. MR YARDIE MR YARDIE was a mystery. He didnt get up in the morning like other people. Instead, he yawned and stretched and got up at night. He stepped into his big car with blacked-out windows and never told anyone where he was going. He called his friends his gang and talked to them on his mobile phone. His mobile looked like it was permanently attached to his ear. He would talk and talk and talk. But he had a special language and you could only understand what he was saying if you were in his gang. One night he went out at night with a big, big bag and never came back. Nobody knew where he had gone and nobody heard anything about him. Then one day his mum received a postcard from Jamaica MR DRUG DEALER MR DRUG DEALER had pots and pots of lovely money. To all his friends and neighbours he seemed like the nicest man in the world. But he wasnt. Mr Drug Dealer had lots of people who needed to see him, but no one who wanted to see him. Mr Drug Dealer handed out free presents, so that people would want to see him more and more. He made people happy for a second, and sad forever. Mr Drug Dealer lives in a nice big house and has a nice big car. But its funny, the people he gives free presents to dont.