DRUM ROLL DRUM ROLL DRUM ROLL DRUM ROLL DRUM ROLL Before the winner is announced, RTFQ would just like to say a few words about him............... Mr Arrse was born to a lowly family from Penrith. He dreamed, from an early age, of one day making it as a military man and, after a haphazard and brutal schooling, a lacklustre appearance on Rainbow and a lonely adolescence, he got his wish when he was given a job mucking out the horses at the riding school at the Royal Military Clown College, Sandhurst. The young Mr Arrse was initially content with his new-found career: he made friends easily with the horses and sometimes the Old College Adjutant would hit him with his riding crop for being slovenly. It was soon to come crashing down around him however. One day, in early 99, Mr Arrse was pushing his heavy wheelbarrow, brimful of horse sh1te, across the parade square in front of that big white building that looks smart on telly. It just so happens that a Coldstream Guards CSgt was in a bit of a tiz over the height distribution in his new platoon. He needed a lanky Right Marker, and had his eye on Mr Arrse. With a gruff and commanding voice, the CSgt informed Mr Arrse that for the price of a smart silver watch and a Fireblade, he could fall-in to the platoon and learn how to become a Smart Carrot, Leader of Men, and Dealer of Death From Behind. All through weeks 1-5, Mr Arrse sold his bottom around the brothels of Rushmoor until he could afford the CSgtâs asking price. Sadly, he was Y listed after his sphincter muscles failed during Exercise Crchyns (?) Challenge, but a year later he commissioned into the Duchess of Yorkâs Royal Regiment. His first taste of action came when he was in Sierra Leone, where he was kidnapped by the West Side Boys, along with a slack handful of Royal Irish. He valiantly resisted interrogation until one shimmering African morning when a single SAS man armed with gattling guns and lasers along with a whole bunch of very ali Paras came to do the village, I mean rescue them. A man of principle and integrity, Mr Arrse refused to leave his new wife, Mbeswemba , alone in that ghastly and now largely bullet-riddled village. MCM Div have him listed as being on an UNMO attachment for the next 6 months, but his friends know that he stayed behind as Chief Shaka Bulawezi until his wife left him for a Frenchman. On his return, Mr Arrse found the joys of Arrse. And not for the first time (sorry). He is a good example of the eclectic membership of the site, and he lists Star Wars and Doctrine as his twin passions, making him both a dullard and a pedant (hence the promotion to moderator). He was snared by Good COâs controversial advertising technique of the time, whereby he cut and pasted a bootlegged script of Star Wars Episode 1, in hidden text at the top of the front page, months before the film premiered in Europe. He found the script, re-enacted it with his chessclub buddies down the back of the rugby pitches, yet stayed for the banter. He soon became an avid poster and quickly amassed over 2000 posts with little thought and even less technique. He spent a goodly period (while he was single) trying to get one of the many prolix mooses on the site to sh.ag him. Sadly, his chiselled looks and stern hair were of little use to him until he was inspired (by the Jabba the Hut scene in Episode VI) to disguise himself and create a beauty pageant. Thus he became Babyblue and the first winner of Mr Arrse simultaneously. Special Celebrations are to be held for him at Shrivenham, I understand, where he is currently in the Lower Set with the Gunners and Kingos, learning how to be a general and how to shape his beret at the same time. He has been described by his previous adjutant as âvery pretty, almost pertâ and during an interview with his troops, he was variously described as âvery considerateâ âa bit preciousâ and âwho?â Mr Arrse enjoys running, climbing, guitar playing, kayaking and other things that look good on his OJAR but which he is unlikely ever to get called upon to do. He wishes for World Peace and longer eyelashes for African children so they can keep the flies off. He is a Sagittarius. Who is this man?????????