Mr Angry

#1
I'm not allowed to swear in the office, a bunch of civvy splitarrses are outside having a smoke, so I can't go out there to swear. I need to let off some steam somehow so I've come here. Please ignore it.

I've just lost AN ENTIRE SHAGGING MORNING'S WORK! I LOST AN ENTIRE CUNTING MORNING'S WORK BECAUSE THE WANKY FUCKZOID CIVVY CUNTSACKS AT THE MOD DECIDE THAT THEY'LL LET US GET BY WITH SHITING COMPUTERS MADE BY CUNTING MACEDONIAN CHILDREN OUT OF SHAGGING COKE CANS AND BOG BRUSHES. JESUS TITTY SHAFTING CHRIST! I JUST WASTED HOURS OF MY LIFE WRITING NONSENSE PAPERWORK TO PERPETUATE THE FRANKLY ASTOUNDING MYTH THAT I BELONG TO A PROFESSIONAL ORGANISATION THAT IS NOT HAMSTRUNG BY TUTTING AND HAND-WRINGING UNTERMENSCH IN SUITS. THESE ARE HOURS THAT I WILL NOT GET BACK, WHEN I LIE ON MY DEATH BED I WILL NOT REMEMBER THE HOURS SPENT WATCHING SUNSETS WITH THE WOMEN I'VE LOVED, I WILL NOT REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME I FELT COMPLETE AND UTTER PRIDE IN MYSELF FOR ACHIEVING SOMETHING I THOUGHT WAS BEYOND ME, I WILL NOT REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME I LAID EYES ON ANY CHILDREN I MAY HAVE, INSH'ALLAH. NO, I WILL REMEMBER THE ARRSE SHAFTING 4 HOURS I SPENT WASTING MY INTELLIGENCE, FLAIR, WIT AND STYLE ON A MIND-FISTINGLY DULL PIECE OF ENGINEERING SMEGMA WRITTEN FOR FUCKWITS WITH MORE LETTERS BEHIND THEIR NAME THAN ORGANIC CELLS BETWEEN THEIR EARS. FUUUUUUUUCK!
I LOST THAT INSULT TO CREATIVITY AND HUMAN SPIRIT BECAUSE OF CD SAFETY CASE PRODUCED BY A BUNCH OF PARASYTIC AMOEBA WHO CALL THEMSELVES PRAXIS CRASHED MY STSTEM. YES I NAME YOU, YOU BLOOD SUCKING HONOUR-BEREFT VULTURES. YOU CREATED SUCH AN ABORTION OF AN ELECTRONIC SAFETY MANAGEMENT SYSTEM THAT IT TOOK ALL THE CUNTING PROCESSOR POWER IN MY CUNTPUTER JUST TO DECYPHER IT. DID YOU WRITE THE CODE IN NAVAJO YOU SPUNKSUCKING SCUM? PAY YOU WELL DID WE? THIS ORGANISTAION LET'S YOUR FRIGGING UGLY, WASTREL CHILDREN SLEEP AT NIGHT AND ALL YOU CAN DO IS PROVIDE THIRD RATE PRODUCT FOR OBSCENE AMOUNTS OF MONEY. TRAITORS. I CUNTING WELL SPIT ON YOUR GRAVES YOU COCk-A-ROACHES.
THEN I GO STRAIGHT TO OUR IT SUPPORT CELL. SUPPORT? DON'T MAKE ME SOIL MYSELF. DO WE PAY YOU A CUNTING WAGE TO SUCK YOUR TEETH AND GO BACK TO PLAYING SOLITAIRE YOU IMAGINELESS NOB VAMPIRES? WHAT'S THE POINT OF HAVING AN AUTOSAVE FACULTY IF YOU FLEAS CAN'T RETRIEVE MY WORK? NO! NO! DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME I SHOULDN'T HAVE SAVED IT TO MY DESKTOP BECAUSE I WILL SKULL HUMP YOU, YOU CIVVY CUNTFLAP. AND YOU, THINK IT'S FUNNY I'M ANGRY DO YOU YOU SNIGGERING JOBBIE OF A HUMAN BEING. YOU FRIGGING WELL CHOSE TO DO THIS AFTER UNI? YOUR ASPIRATIONS LEAD YOU AS FAR AS A NON-DESCRIPT MOD AGENCY? SCREW YOU, YOU'RE MY AGE BUT I COULD CHECK OUT TOMORROW AND I WILL HAVE SEEN DONE AND EXPERIENCED MORE THAN YOU EVER WILL IN ANOTHER 70 YEARS OF MIND-MINCINGLY DULL, FAT-WIFE DISFUNCTIONAL-KID PUMP-CAR EXISTENCE.

I FRIGGING SHITE YOU.

Wow, that's better. Thanks.
 
#2
Mods can you delete this :D :D :D
 
#3
RTFQ said:
I'm not allowed to swear in the office, a bunch of civvy splitarrses are outside having a smoke, so I can't go out there to swear. I need to let off some steam somehow so I've come here. Please ignore it.

I've just lost AN ENTIRE SHAGGING MORNING'S WORK! I LOST AN ENTIRE CUNTING MORNING'S WORK BECAUSE THE WANKY FUCKZOID CIVVY CUNTSACKS AT THE MOD DECIDE THAT THEY'LL LET US GET BY WITH SHITING COMPUTERS MADE BY CUNTING MACEDONIAN CHILDREN OUT OF SHAGGING COKE CANS AND BOG BRUSHES. JESUS TITTY SHAFTING CHRIST! I JUST WASTED HOURS OF MY LIFE WRITING NONSENSE PAPERWORK TO PERPETUATE THE FRANKLY ASTOUNDING MYTH THAT I BELONG TO A PROFESSIONAL ORGANISATION THAT IS NOT HAMSTRUNG BY TUTTING AND HAND-WRINGING UNTERMENSCH IN SUITS. THESE ARE HOURS THAT I WILL NOT GET BACK, WHEN I LIE ON MY DEATH BED I WILL NOT REMEMBER THE HOURS SPENT WATCHING SUNSETS WITH THE WOMEN I'VE LOVED, I WILL NOT REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME I FELT COMPLETE AND UTTER PRIDE IN MYSELF FOR ACHIEVING SOMETHING I THOUGHT WAS BEYOND ME, I WILL NOT REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME I LAID EYES ON ANY CHILDREN I MAY HAVE, INSH'ALLAH. NO, I WILL REMEMBER THE ARRSE SHAFTING 4 HOURS I SPENT WASTING MY INTELLIGENCE, FLAIR, WIT AND STYLE ON A MIND-FISTINGLY DULL PIECE OF ENGINEERING SMEGMA WRITTEN FOR FUCKWITS WITH MORE LETTERS BEHIND THEIR NAME THAN ORGANIC CELLS BETWEEN THEIR EARS. FUUUUUUUUCK!
I LOST THAT INSULT TO CREATIVITY AND HUMAN SPIRIT BECAUSE OF CD SAFETY CASE PRODUCED BY A BUNCH OF PARASYTIC AMOEBA WHO CALL THEMSELVES PRAXIS CRASHED MY STSTEM. YES I NAME YOU, YOU BLOOD SUCKING HONOUR-BEREFT VULTURES. YOU CREATED SUCH AN ABORTION OF AN ELECTRONIC SAFETY MANAGEMENT SYSTEM THAT IT TOOK ALL THE CUNTING PROCESSOR POWER IN MY CUNTPUTER JUST TO DECYPHER IT. DID YOU WRITE THE CODE IN NAVAJO YOU SPUNKSUCKING SCUM? PAY YOU WELL DID WE? THIS ORGANISTAION LET'S YOUR FRIGGING UGLY, WASTREL CHILDREN SLEEP AT NIGHT AND ALL YOU CAN DO IS PROVIDE THIRD RATE PRODUCT FOR OBSCENE AMOUNTS OF MONEY. TRAITORS. I CUNTING WELL SPIT ON YOUR GRAVES YOU c***-A-ROACHES.
THEN I GO STRAIGHT TO OUR IT SUPPORT CELL. SUPPORT? DON'T MAKE ME SOIL MYSELF. DO WE PAY YOU A CUNTING WAGE TO SUCK YOUR TEETH AND GO BACK TO PLAYING SOLITAIRE YOU IMAGINELESS NOB VAMPIRES? WHAT'S THE POINT OF HAVING AN AUTOSAVE FACULTY IF YOU FLEAS CAN'T RETRIEVE MY WORK? NO! NO! DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME I SHOULDN'T HAVE SAVED IT TO MY DESKTOP BECAUSE I WILL SKULL HUMP YOU, YOU CIVVY CUNTFLAP. AND YOU, THINK IT'S FUNNY I'M ANGRY DO YOU YOU SNIGGERING JOBBIE OF A HUMAN BEING. YOU FRIGGING WELL CHOSE TO DO THIS AFTER UNI? YOUR ASPIRATIONS LEAD YOU AS FAR AS A NON-DESCRIPT MOD AGENCY? SCREW YOU, YOU'RE MY AGE BUT I COULD CHECK OUT TOMORROW AND I WILL HAVE SEEN DONE AND EXPERIENCED MORE THAN YOU EVER WILL IN ANOTHER 70 YEARS OF MIND-MINCINGLY DULL, FAT-WIFE DISFUNCTIONAL-KID PUMP-CAR EXISTENCE.

I FRIGGING SHITE YOU.

Wow, that's better. Thanks.
nice to see the pressure of work hasn't got to you, much.
 
#5
And that's just his love letter to the mad bird who he shagged prior to a Sarajevo deployment who thouight he loved her (yes, I know the one!)

To think what you might say if ever you were truely upset!
 
#6
Sounds like you've got issues, mate.

Perhaps we need to convene a special 'Anger in the Workplace Focus Meeting' to explore the rationale behind your rage?

We can do it in a virtual 'Meetingspace' online if you like? :D
 
#7
Darth_Doctrinus said:
Sounds like you've got issues, mate.

Perhaps we need to convene a special 'Anger in the Workplace Focus Meeting' to explore the rationale behind your rage?

We can do it in a virtual 'Meetingspace' online if you like? :D
Oh what a load of inhuman nonsense. The best way to sort office problems would be to authorise people to offer-out anyone they so wanted, then the rest of the office crowd round outside chanting "Fight! Fight!" while you smash your "Enabling Management Assistant" across his face with an epsom stylus.
 
#9
RTFQ said:
I'm not allowed to swear in the office, a bunch of civvy splitarrses are outside having a smoke, so I can't go out there to swear. I need to let off some steam somehow so I've come here. Please ignore it.

I've just lost AN ENTIRE SHAGGING MORNING'S WORK! I LOST AN ENTIRE CUNTING MORNING'S WORK BECAUSE THE WANKY FUCKZOID CIVVY CUNTSACKS AT THE MOD DECIDE THAT THEY'LL LET US GET BY WITH SHITING COMPUTERS MADE BY CUNTING MACEDONIAN CHILDREN OUT OF SHAGGING COKE CANS AND BOG BRUSHES. JESUS TITTY SHAFTING CHRIST! I JUST WASTED HOURS OF MY LIFE WRITING NONSENSE PAPERWORK TO PERPETUATE THE FRANKLY ASTOUNDING MYTH THAT I BELONG TO A PROFESSIONAL ORGANISATION THAT IS NOT HAMSTRUNG BY TUTTING AND HAND-WRINGING UNTERMENSCH IN SUITS. THESE ARE HOURS THAT I WILL NOT GET BACK, WHEN I LIE ON MY DEATH BED I WILL NOT REMEMBER THE HOURS SPENT WATCHING SUNSETS WITH THE WOMEN I'VE LOVED, I WILL NOT REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME I FELT COMPLETE AND UTTER PRIDE IN MYSELF FOR ACHIEVING SOMETHING I THOUGHT WAS BEYOND ME, I WILL NOT REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME I LAID EYES ON ANY CHILDREN I MAY HAVE, INSH'ALLAH. NO, I WILL REMEMBER THE ARRSE SHAFTING 4 HOURS I SPENT WASTING MY INTELLIGENCE, FLAIR, WIT AND STYLE ON A MIND-FISTINGLY DULL PIECE OF ENGINEERING SMEGMA WRITTEN FOR FUCKWITS WITH MORE LETTERS BEHIND THEIR NAME THAN ORGANIC CELLS BETWEEN THEIR EARS. FUUUUUUUUCK!
I LOST THAT INSULT TO CREATIVITY AND HUMAN SPIRIT BECAUSE OF CD SAFETY CASE PRODUCED BY A BUNCH OF PARASYTIC AMOEBA WHO CALL THEMSELVES PRAXIS CRASHED MY STSTEM. YES I NAME YOU, YOU BLOOD SUCKING HONOUR-BEREFT VULTURES. YOU CREATED SUCH AN ABORTION OF AN ELECTRONIC SAFETY MANAGEMENT SYSTEM THAT IT TOOK ALL THE CUNTING PROCESSOR POWER IN MY CUNTPUTER JUST TO DECYPHER IT. DID YOU WRITE THE CODE IN NAVAJO YOU SPUNKSUCKING SCUM? PAY YOU WELL DID WE? THIS ORGANISTAION LET'S YOUR FRIGGING UGLY, WASTREL CHILDREN SLEEP AT NIGHT AND ALL YOU CAN DO IS PROVIDE THIRD RATE PRODUCT FOR OBSCENE AMOUNTS OF MONEY. TRAITORS. I CUNTING WELL SPIT ON YOUR GRAVES YOU c***-A-ROACHES.
THEN I GO STRAIGHT TO OUR IT SUPPORT CELL. SUPPORT? DON'T MAKE ME SOIL MYSELF. DO WE PAY YOU A CUNTING WAGE TO SUCK YOUR TEETH AND GO BACK TO PLAYING SOLITAIRE YOU IMAGINELESS NOB VAMPIRES? WHAT'S THE POINT OF HAVING AN AUTOSAVE FACULTY IF YOU FLEAS CAN'T RETRIEVE MY WORK? NO! NO! DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME I SHOULDN'T HAVE SAVED IT TO MY DESKTOP BECAUSE I WILL SKULL HUMP YOU, YOU CIVVY CUNTFLAP. AND YOU, THINK IT'S FUNNY I'M ANGRY DO YOU YOU SNIGGERING JOBBIE OF A HUMAN BEING. YOU FRIGGING WELL CHOSE TO DO THIS AFTER UNI? YOUR ASPIRATIONS LEAD YOU AS FAR AS A NON-DESCRIPT MOD AGENCY? SCREW YOU, YOU'RE MY AGE BUT I COULD CHECK OUT TOMORROW AND I WILL HAVE SEEN DONE AND EXPERIENCED MORE THAN YOU EVER WILL IN ANOTHER 70 YEARS OF MIND-MINCINGLY DULL, FAT-WIFE DISFUNCTIONAL-KID PUMP-CAR EXISTENCE.

I FRIGGING SHITE YOU.

Wow, that's better. Thanks.
I can hit someone if it'll make you feel better, I'll pop down the High Street and welly someone at random, they don't have to know why. :D
 
#10
sounds like my IT bods mate ... stock in trade answers include

"try logging out and logging in again" .... done that Dumbass

"turn your machine right off " ..... Done that dumbass

"er ... i'll have to escalate it to (insert another team here)"

why bother you geeky f*cking nerdy c*nt .... i f*cking hate you all ... you've probably never kissed a girl and think it's acceptable to drink wine in a pub .... doss c*nts

i'd actually prefer it if one of them said

"lose your rag, stamp on your mouse, and javelin your pen through your squidgy flat screen monitor"

it's what i'm going to do anyway.
 
#11
Darth_Doctrinus said:
Sounds like you've got issues, mate.

Perhaps we need to convene a special 'Anger in the Workplace Focus Meeting' to explore the rationale behind your rage?

We can do it in a virtual 'Meetingspace' online if you like? :D
Congrats RTFQ & D_D! Together you have successfully managed to make my missus smile at an arrse post :) DB can back me up when I say this is an unsurpassed achievement!

lancslad
 
#13
RTFQ said:
The best way to sort office problems would be to authorise people to offer-out anyone they so wanted, then the rest of the office crowd round outside chanting "Fight! Fight!" while you smash your "Enabling Management Assistant" across his face with an epsom stylus.
Oh, I wish!!!!!

Another quality post by RTFQ! :wink:
 
#16
RTFQ said:
I've found my happy place now.




It smells of scampi and tastes like batteries.
The Slug? :?
 
#17
RTFQ said:
Oh what a load of inhuman nonsense. The best way to sort office problems would be to authorise people to offer-out anyone they so wanted, then the rest of the office crowd round outside chanting "Fight! Fight!" while you smash your "Enabling Management Assistant" across his face with an epsom stylus.
I think you'll find he's called a 'Anger Management Facilitator' - the 'Enabling Management Assistant' makes the brews in the next office.

I'm also intrigued that you would use an Epsom Stylus to beat these ghastly freaks with. For my part, I would use one of those funky bendy rulers you got in school that were useless for drawing straight lines with.

'Take that, you heuristic reciprocal optioneer!'
 
#18
Whilst undoubtedly a formidable weapon, the epsom stylus comes up short as the WMD of the office world. I have a gell filled wrist wrest that could inflict such serious injury that it should be banned by the UN. I'm sat, in a slightly hung over state dreaming of what it would be like to hit it around the face of the civil servant in the next office. Fat fcuker hasnt washed for a while and he's chucking up something chronic.

Boney
 
#19
In revenge for this morning's conspiracy against me, every civvy who has requested my help today has been told "No." That includes the doris who asked me nicely to hold the door open as she struggled with a tray of brews and it includes the rather senior civil servant who requested an opinion on the future of such and such a system.

I turned their own protozoic credo against them:

"Sorry XXXX, that's not really my job"

Flip ALL you Melon Farmers. If I wake up in a bad mood tomorrow - let's face it, my bed is empty and I ain't drinking tonight - I will actively do my best to make as many civvies cry as possible. I may even interrupt an important "Community Action Group" (Oh sweet Gaea how I hate these people - it's a meeting for frigg's sake) around 0915 with a frantic report that the local school bus has crashed into a fuel tanker, resulting in many casualties. Should get a couple of the local mothers (who the MoD employ to obstruct the flow of intelligent ideas in return for an engourged office tuck shop, 60 man-hours of whinging per week and £20k per annum) a tad emotional.

Oh feck, it's the summer holidays. I'll just say that Al Quaeda just hit the local rollerama, it'll have the same effect.
 
#20
RTFQ said:
In revenge for this morning's conspiracy against me, every civvy who has requested my help today has been told "No." That includes the doris who asked me nicely to hold the door open as she struggled with a tray of brews and it includes the rather senior civil servant who requested an opinion on the future of such and such a system.

I turned their own protozoic credo against them:

"Sorry XXXX, that's not really my job"

Flip ALL you Melon Farmers. If I wake up in a bad mood tomorrow - let's face it, my bed is empty and I ain't drinking tonight - I will actively do my best to make as many civvies cry as possible. I may even interrupt an important "Community Action Group" (Oh sweet Gaea how I hate these people - it's a meeting for frigg's sake) around 0915 with a frantic report that the local school bus has crashed into a fuel tanker, resulting in many casualties. Should get a couple of the local mothers (who the MoD employ to obstruct the flow of intelligent ideas in return for an engourged office tuck shop, 60 man-hours of whinging per week and £20k per annum) a tad emotional.

Oh feck, it's the summer holidays. I'll just say that Al Quaeda just hit the local rollerama, it'll have the same effect.
Still not calmed down then dear?

Are you missing Moody?
 

Similar threads

Latest Threads

Top