Moving into a Padshouse, Can her ex stop us?

#1
Basically me and my fiance are planning on getting married in July, and hopefully moving into a pad in Catterick soon afterwards. She currently lives in Reading with her 5 year old daughter from a previous relationship. We have been together nearly three years and I can't wait for us to live together. The problem is her ex. He is a bit awkward to say the least and has kicked up a fuss on a number of occasions about relatively minor things, he still tries to control her life. We have never stopped him from seeing his daughter and he sees her every other weekend.

The other half told him we were planning to move away together and he went off the handle and claimed we couldn't and he didn't give us his permission to move and take his daughter. Now I can sympathise with his position but ultimately can he hold his ex a prisoner in the same town for his convenience for the rest of their childs upbringing? We have not said he couldn't come to see her just as often, and we even offered to knock the petrol money off his CSA payments but he claims he won't budge. Im sure this isn't a new situation and I wonder if anyone has any experience of it?
 
#3
**** all he can do unless he has some sort of court order. I'm guessing your fiancé has custody? If its not been awarded through the courts and its just a mutual agreement there is cock all he can do until a court decides. Staying within UK so no requirement to inform him of **** all.

I went through it with my (now ex) wife 20 years ago with her ex partner. He was a dick too and when it eventually went to court, he got a **** off pill.

So in summary (unless the law has changed) she can move to where ever she wants without gaining permission from him. The courts would need to award responsibility to either parent before any such restriction was imposed. Be sensible and play clever though. Write to inform him you are moving and try not to be obstructive towards his requests to visit. If he demonstrates he cant be arsed to travel a bit its better for you (her) when it goes to court. Prob best to get a solicitor on to it though rather than garnering advice off the interweb ;-)
 
#4
As far as I'm aware the ex has no right to dictate where his child lives unless he has custody which, if she lives with her mother he clearly doesn't. He isn't being denied access and you offer seems very reasonable to me. However, I'm just the average bloke in the street with no legal qualifications so it might be better to see a solicitor. Usually the first interview is free (certainly used to be) and they can give you a swift and definitive answer.
 
#6
Fair one, she has custody and a residence order from the court. I was hoping he couldn't stop us. Thanks for the answers. Whats the score with him coming onto pads though? Especially if he starts being a dick, are there any restrictions on him coming on camps?
 
#8
Fair one, she has custody and a residence order from the court. I was hoping he couldn't stop us. Thanks for the answers. Whats the score with him coming onto pads though? Especially if he starts being a dick, are there any restrictions on him coming on camps?
He (I assume he's not military) can't come into camps but your pad may not be in the wire. If he wants to be a dick then it is a police affair.
 
#9
BTW Freicorp, it's a pad not a padshouse but when you get married you'll be called a pad and it'll be your house so it will be a pad's house. MQ saves a lot of worry :wink:
 
#10
He's a civvie and they weren't married, but he does have parental responsibility because his name is on the birth certificate. We have never stopped him being her father but he is a bit of a chav and tries to big time it around us, you give him an inch and he takes a mile, things like not bringing her back until late on sundays when she has school in the morning, stuff like that. He has recently said he want to take her for a week long holiday over summer, which is fine, but he won't tell us where or when and is being a cock about it. He also constantly buys her things that me and her mum don't let her have like McDonalds, fizzy drinks and chewing gum every time he takes her out. There is nothing wrong with the occasional treat but its everytime he sees her and when the missus has asked him to tone it down a bit he gets an arse on and claims he'll do what he likes. He feels threatened by another man in his daughters life, even though I make it very clear to her that he is her dad and that he loves her.

I can see him becoming even more petty than this if we do move in together, is there anything I can do to about it? (short of twatting him which would probably be counterproductive) Is it possible to get a court order telling him to behave etc?
 
#11
She may have a residency order but I suspect that if that is the case, both parents have joint custody (the norm nowadays, the residency order just says where the kid resides)

From my experience, the ball is with you-just be reasonable, give him every opportunity to see the kid etc. He may be really cut up about his daughter moving away. Or he could just be using her as an excuse. But the stay reasonable advice applies either way
 
#12
Fair one, she has custody and a residence order from the court. I was hoping he couldn't stop us. Thanks for the answers. Whats the score with him coming onto pads though? Especially if he starts being a dick, are there any restrictions on him coming on camps?
All the MQ`s at Catterick are outside the wire so he will have no trouble getting to see his offspring.
 
#13
Freicorp, you stated as the Ex is named on the birth certificate then he as parental responablity, errr, no he does not!!! If your future Mrs and the Ex were not married then he is not entitled to parental repsonablity unless they went to court and he obtained it via a family court.

STILTS
 
#14
Freicorp, you stated as the Ex is named on the birth certificate then he as parental responablity, errr, no he does not!!! If your future Mrs and the Ex were not married then he is not entitled to parental repsonablity unless they went to court and he obtained it via a family court.

STILTS
He will be as I am assuming by the ages and timelines the child was born after 2003 when the rules changed.
 
#15
I think your ok buddy; there's one big **** off pill this lad would be folly to mess with and that is a barracks of soldiers that many military families have the benefit of that civvies don't. Your families security is assured unless this idiot has a mind like Gaddaffi and mates like Raoul Moat, but then he'd still have an issue winning a fire fight with Her Majesty's British Army!!!
 
#16
Update on this. He reckons he is going to take us to court for residence as he is saying that moving will be disruptive to her. The main argument that he is using though is that becoming part of a military family will be unstable and unsafe for her because I'd move postings every 2-3 years and that soldiers are unstable and cannot be trusted! You couldn't make it up. surely he'll be told to **** off by the judge, particulary as if she moves to him she will have to move to st albans. plus can we argue that he never pays csa and so is not in a position to support a child anyway. I reckon we will be alright but we are still really worried. Anyone else been in this situation?
 
#18
We have got a solicitor and she reckons he doesn't have grounds to get residence and has written to his solicitor to say that. She said to us that he can still aapply though and thatd mean us going to family court. Surely he won't get legal aid for that as we are not restricting his acess or moving out of the country?
 
#19
I'd point out that he still has access, so he can still see her, plus if he isn't paying CSA, he'll look like cock. Does he work? If not it won't go down well at all, as how will he support her, what plans does he have for childcare (as a single parent), how does he have for support when he is ill, or what if he cannot leave work to collect her from school and needs someone else to, who will do that? The courts tend to prefer mothers to look after children and then 2 people, so it's looking in your favour. Also the court might look at the fact she'll have one natural parent AND one step parent, which really is better than one natural parent. Also make a diary of all the times he bring s her back late etc, this (with the help of a solicitor) might go against saying that over a long period of time he is not responsable enough to have 100% care.
 
#20
On a completely different tangent...

Has it occurred to you in your young dumb and pussystruck condition that he might actually have a ******* point?

Every woman I've ever met complains that her ex was or is "controlling" - it usually just means that she didn't get her own way all the ******* time! thats called compromise, and its what you do in a relationship - don't forget, she was with him for what seems to be a fair amount of time, so get over the broken wing complex and see that despite her little victim act, the relationship couldn't have been all bad.

Now, to the crux of the point - there's a little girl here who loves her daddy, and see's him regularly - your new girlfriend might want to "move on" and make a new start, playing happy families with big brave soldier - but this little lass has a good relationship with her dad, seeing him regularly and by moving her 200 miles away you're uprooting her, and destroying the relationship she's got with him, you're acting in your own (and mum's) best interest, not hers!
 

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