Moving back to the UK

#1
Right on you fellow spunkers, I am returning to England after a 5 year absence.

I will be living and working in Lincoln, a city I used to know well.

I left the UK with my wife and I am returning as a single bloke. We left the crime splattered estates of Reading and indulged ourselves in a crime free, gloriously friendly and the stress free environment of West Cork.

I have spent less than 3 weeks in the old homeland since mid 2007, and to be honest I have no idea what to expect.

I have the typical squaddie mentality, in that I support the underdog, I do not suffer fools gladly and I thoroughly enjoy the pub scene.

Although I am now totally chilled and relaxed, I do have previous with regards to giving 'advice' to gobsites on my old estate, on the bus and anywhere else where said gobshites enter my space and piss me off.

I would appreciate any advice as to how I can keep cool, and not waste the 5 years I have spent in a relaxed setting.

It is fairly obvious that I will have to start locking my front door and car when I leave them (alien concept here) and I will have to be polite to the shopkeeper who doesn't speak English. So what are the pitfalls I am likely to encounter, if any?

This is a serious question, and just because I posted it in the NAAFI does not mean it has a given right to abuse, stupid comments and fuckwittery.

In your own time...

Soapy tit wank etc.
 
#2
I would suggest you have a housewarming party and invite the denizens of ARRSE. Once the locals get a look at your "friends", I am sure they will all be keeping a safe distance from you...
 
#3
Right on you fellow spunkers, I am returning to England after a 5 year absence.
I can't imagine anything worse than moving back to the UK. I've been away 15 years, and dropped in to long haired sunray's new house in the Slough area on my way through to Killarney, then again on the way back again after my course finished.

Horrendous.

I'll stick with the current leave the key in the door/car life I've got here
 
#4
Once the locals get a look at your "friends", I am sure they will all be keeping a safe distance from you...
RFKWA?*

* Retired Fat Knackers With Attitude
 

Grumblegrunt

LE
Book Reviewer
#6
ah lincoln - east anglia has more in common with the former east prussia now. wont be long before you have to visit the inlaws in gdansk.
 
#7
I can't imagine anything worse than moving back to the UK. I've been away 15 years, and dropped in to long haired sunray's new house in the Slough area on my way through to Killarney, then again on the way back again after my course finished.

Horrendous.

I'll stick with the current leave the key in the door/car life I've got here
I lived in Slough for 2 years after leaving my very last unit in Windsor (LG) I feel your pain mate.
 
#8
I have no idea what Lincoln or it's environs were / are like, but where I am near Dartford is bliss compared to Wembley / Harrow - I still wouldn't relax on a night in the pub, or leave my car unlocked....for that, I spend time with friends near Hayle in Cornwall, and I think that's the best advice I can offer, go as far west as you can
 
#11
I would suggest you have a housewarming party and invite the denizens of ARRSE. Once the locals get a look at your "friends", I am sure they will all be keeping a safe distance from you...
A bunch of baldy fat blokes and a few saggy titted slappers? What are you going to do, ask them to join arrse and tell them off in harsh font?
 
#13
Lots of student gash floating around in Lincoln! Much of the UK is shitty but thats not a bad area, same with East Yorkshire, keep away from the tatty seaside towns and the rest is actually alright
 

Joker62

ADC
Book Reviewer
#14
I have no idea what Lincoln or it's environs were / are like, but where I am near Dartford is bliss compared to Wembley / Harrow - I still wouldn't relax on a night in the pub, or leave my car unlocked....for that, I spend time with friends near Hayle in Cornwall, and I think that's the best advice I can offer, go as far west as you can
Hayle, lovely place and great pasty shop as well!
 
E

exmunkey

Guest
#15
You could pick a lot worse places. Got an old work friend that lives up that way and went there for work once,nice city, The surrounding countryside has some nice villages and pubs. Good luck

For all those knocking the UK isn't there an ex pat forum that you can use wherever your paradise exists. If you tell me where that perfect paradise is I'll send you a bottle of scotch
 
#16
For all those knocking the UK isn't there an ex pat forum that you can use wherever your paradise exists. If you tell me where that perfect paradise is I'll send you a bottle of scotch
Ex-pat's are generally cocks, for the most part. We are ex-squaddies that have seen the wider world and prefer it. ARSSE is where our brothers/sisters hang out.

I'll let you keep the scotch.
 
#17
You could pick a lot worse places. Got an old work friend that lives up that way and went there for work once,nice city, The surrounding countryside has some nice villages and pubs. Good luck

For all those knocking the UK isn't there an ex pat forum that you can use wherever your paradise exists. If you tell me where that perfect paradise is I'll send you a bottle of scotch
Anywhere in rural Ireland, like Co. Cork, or ( from personal experience ) Creggs, Athleague, Castlebar, ( Co. Roscommon ) even Glinsk ( Co. Galway ), but I'd avoid Furety...it has a pub and FUCK ALL else!

In edit: Can't do Scotch ( or Irish, Bourbon, Jack Daniel's, etc ) but a bottle of Gin will see me right )
 
#18
A bunch of baldy fat blokes and a few saggy titted slappers? What are you going to do, ask them to join arrse and tell them off in harsh font?
I was meaning more like the way people stay away from that smelly bloke at the back of the bus who talks to himself whilst swigging from a bottle in a brown paper bag!
 
#19
I was meaning more like the way people stay away from that smelly bloke at the back of the bus who talks to himself whilst swigging from a bottle in a brown paper bag!
You mean the ones who kids flick lit ciggies at and shout paedophile? They'd fucking love a house full to play with
 

Similar threads

Latest Threads

Top