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Most Ridiculous Complaint Made Against You When You Served.

#1
I was clearing out the cupboard, called my brain, when I came across an old memory, which prompted me to pen this thread and wondered what were the most ridiculous complaints made against you, or someone you knew, whilst in Service.

I think the daftest one for me happened in the good old, bad old days, when we used to wear 'Two's' and still shook hands with padlocks, (That is the ubiquitous Vacant MSQ checks). I checked the front door of a MQ at 3am, and on trying the door handle, fell into the hall. Literally. Having stood up an brushed myself off, (whilst trying to find a lightswitch, thinking to myself, the househoulder, herein known as '********', had forgotten to lock his door).

I could not find a lightswitch, but heard movement, coming from upstairs. I shouted 'hello'. No response. I then shouted, 'Military Police'. Again no reply.

The noise, movement upstairs got louder, then I heard whispering voices.

I started to walk upstairs as I did so, a 'figure' ran down the stairs and threw himself, 'Superman' style in my direction.

The figure missed me, and promptly ended up at the bottom of the stairs. After a few groans, the hall light came on and standing there in his skimpies, was a young man, who looked a little agitated. My patrol partner walked into the hallway at this point and grabbed the bloke, who we both thought was an intruder by the arm.

The bloke, said who are you. Despite the fact that we were in ginger suits and wearing armbands, white belt etc.

I returned the the same question, which received the response, 'I live here'.

In the end after identifying the 'intruder', as the legal occupant, we left the property, highlighting that if you report your house as vacant and return before it was planned, that it would be prudent to let the local MP Station know.

I left thinking, well at least he knows we were checking his house.

I got woken up next morning, in between night shifts, and was informed that the blokes RSM, had called my Tara, and had passed on a complaint from his NCO.

The complaint centred along 'Trespass', Assault, (Apparently I had thrown him down the stairs), I hadn't, and his main complaint was that two men had entered the premises, when his wife was in bed, oh and that we should of challenged him at 7am, not 3am. (That always puzzled me).

Needless to say, after quite a lot of discussion/questioning, the NCO was told to 'go away'. That was an early indicator to me, that it does not matter what you do, at times you cannot do right for doing wrong.

Would be interested to know of similar ridiculous complaints suffered by other MP/Ex MP arrsers.

Edited for spelling biff chits.
 
#2
A fairly mild complaint that you should have recieved is about your use of commas. Don't insert them before every conjunction as it actually makes it hard to read.
 
#3
jew_unit said:
A fairly mild complaint that you should have recieved is about your use of commas. Don't insert them before every conjunction as it actually makes it hard to read.
I knew you would respond, how is your missus? Don't wear Superman pants, or try to fly especially when standing at the top of a flight of stairs.

Don't forget to lock your front door.
 
#5
heidtheba said:
Not an MP, notty, but a complaint 3 months ago that my teaching 'style' is too agressive.

By RAF, (obviously) and told to rod off :roll:
Maybe he/she needed you to do their work for them. I don't want to digress, but have worked with the RAF and have had their work 'schedule' or whatever it was called thrust in my face, and was told 'we don't do that'.

I later learned he was right, except it shoud of read 'we don't do anything we don't want to'.

Met some good one's but not many. The good one's wanted to transfer to the Army. Nough said. How's things HTB.
 
#6
nottyash said:
heidtheba said:
Not an MP, notty, but a complaint 3 months ago that my teaching 'style' is too agressive.

By RAF, (obviously) and told to rod off :roll:
Maybe he/she needed you to do their work for them. I don't want to digress, but have worked with the RAF and have had their work 'schedule' or whatever it was called thrust in my face, and was told 'we don't do that'.

I later learned he was right, except it shoud of read 'we don't do anything we don't want to'.

Met some good one's but not many. The good one's wanted to transfer to the Army. Nough said. How's things HTB.[/quote]

Not bad mate.

Had a Sword of piece parade at my place last week.

Crabs and Navy doing drill, funniest thing I've seen in years :D
 
#10
I got accused of bullying against a trainee crab as I threatened to fill him in because he never changed his bedding and showered using water only (no shampoo or showergel) and I had to share a cabin with the grubby little shite. He went running to the RSM who hauled me in, asked me to explain myself and then once he heard my side of the story and seen the state of this scrote's bedspace, ensured that said crab learned the error of his ways.
 
#13
I once got in a world of shite for phoning a civilian up and asking if he would mind providing a statement for a job. He said he didn't want to and I said fair enough.

He then phoned my Pl Sgt and told him I'd threatened him, been abusive, sweared at him, called him a cnut etc etc.

I promptly got dragged in and chewed a new one and told to shut the fcuk up every time I tried to defend myself.

When the prick of a Pl Sgt had eventually finished his rant (which lasted about 20 minutes) I informed him that whilst I was on the phone to the civilian who had made the complaint the RSM was in my police post having a brew whilst on a visit with the new OC (who was also in the police post at the time).

A quick phone call to the badge later and the matter was resolved, showing that the civvy was a hateful cnut. I then got another 20 minute lecture about how to speak to people on the phone, even though by now we had already established that I was not in the wrong.

As for the Pl Sgt, did I get an apology...Did I fcuk. He eventually made WO2 though and is still a 'cock' of the highest order.
 
#14
Got bollocked for taking my suit jacket off at a function and was made to write four letters of apology.

I suppose if you can not do the time then do not do the crime.
 
#16
I was first on the scene of a head on TA a few years ago and while I was performing first aid on a German who had been quite badly injured during the smash, an RMP SNCO (who happened to be driving past) stuck his head out of the car window and shouted, and I quote "hoy lads get your fcuking headress on".

He then drove off, leaving myself and my patrol partner to attend to the badly injured German and the family of Brits from the other car who were suffering from quite bad shock.

Also on his way back into camp called into the MPS and complained about us not wearing headress.

Cheers el cnuto, I salute you.
 
#17
That reminds me, in 1990 a Artillery Officer was killed by PIRA. When some senior RMP officer turned up, started ranting at the fact that none of the lads had their headress on either. He looked rather ashen faced when he was told to go away, as the lads and lasses had used their headress to cover forensic evidence, (Mainly empty cases), to protect it from the elements as it was raining.
 
#18
Many years ago I was called to Battaion HQ without warning (Oakington barracks Cambs) It was a Monday morning and I was suprised to be met by the Adj. Chucked one up and he said there are two people from the RMP SIB? to see you, you had better not keep them waiting.
I went in to a room and was faced with a pair of Monkeys in plain clothes. I was told to sit down and the following conversation took place.

SIB (nasty cop) When did you get back?
ME: This morning
SIB (fat nasty cop) Don't fcuk us about son when did you get back?
ME: This morning
SIB(NC) Fcuks sake look we have been tracking you for some time when did you get back?
Me:This morning
SIB (FNC) OK smart arse you can start by telling us where you have been
Me: Home with my mum and dad
UgHH (sound of me being gripped up)
SIB (NC) Are you fcuking stupid son? with that he slapped a load of paperwork on the table telling me I was destined for a spell in Colchester but if I cleared this pile of crimes up it would be easier for me.
Me: But I haven't done anything I only went home for the weekend.
SIB You have been on the trot for five months and we have got details of where you have been.
Me: No I haven't
SIB: (losing the will to live)Are you 2445****** Rifleman C*****S
Me: No I am 2446****** Rifleman C******S the one you want is still on the trot
SIB: Show me your card (silence for a while hands it to his mate) Ok you can go
Me: Do I get an apology
SIB Don't push it son Fcuk off smartish like
SO I DID
Me: Do I get a sorry
 

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