I was clearing out the cupboard, called my brain, when I came across an old memory, which prompted me to pen this thread and wondered what were the most ridiculous complaints made against you, or someone you knew, whilst in Service. I think the daftest one for me happened in the good old, bad old days, when we used to wear 'Two's' and still shook hands with padlocks, (That is the ubiquitous Vacant MSQ checks). I checked the front door of a MQ at 3am, and on trying the door handle, fell into the hall. Literally. Having stood up an brushed myself off, (whilst trying to find a lightswitch, thinking to myself, the househoulder, herein known as '********', had forgotten to lock his door). I could not find a lightswitch, but heard movement, coming from upstairs. I shouted 'hello'. No response. I then shouted, 'Military Police'. Again no reply. The noise, movement upstairs got louder, then I heard whispering voices. I started to walk upstairs as I did so, a 'figure' ran down the stairs and threw himself, 'Superman' style in my direction. The figure missed me, and promptly ended up at the bottom of the stairs. After a few groans, the hall light came on and standing there in his skimpies, was a young man, who looked a little agitated. My patrol partner walked into the hallway at this point and grabbed the bloke, who we both thought was an intruder by the arm. The bloke, said who are you. Despite the fact that we were in ginger suits and wearing armbands, white belt etc. I returned the the same question, which received the response, 'I live here'. In the end after identifying the 'intruder', as the legal occupant, we left the property, highlighting that if you report your house as vacant and return before it was planned, that it would be prudent to let the local MP Station know. I left thinking, well at least he knows we were checking his house. I got woken up next morning, in between night shifts, and was informed that the blokes RSM, had called my Tara, and had passed on a complaint from his NCO. The complaint centred along 'Trespass', Assault, (Apparently I had thrown him down the stairs), I hadn't, and his main complaint was that two men had entered the premises, when his wife was in bed, oh and that we should of challenged him at 7am, not 3am. (That always puzzled me). Needless to say, after quite a lot of discussion/questioning, the NCO was told to 'go away'. That was an early indicator to me, that it does not matter what you do, at times you cannot do right for doing wrong. Would be interested to know of similar ridiculous complaints suffered by other MP/Ex MP arrsers. Edited for spelling biff chits.