Having been at home this week with a horrendous (ly exaggerated) case of flu, I've had more than my usual level of television exposure. The Coca-cola adverts are predictably sickly sweet but apparently an intrinsic part of the festive season. And as for the little boy counting down the minutes til Christmas so he can present his frankly horribly wrapped present to Mummy - well, I hope he gets a dead hamster's head in his Christmas stocking. But what has me reaching for the mute button on the remote most often has to be the big-beaked horse-toothed dullard in the Iceland adverts. Leaving aside that the sickening nose-rub is probably the most contact she has had with her what I assume is her son in months, if I need tips on providing a pleasant Christmas dinner for my nearest and dearest I'm hardly likely to go to a woman who is a) Jewish (I have nothing against Red-Sea pedestrians, but I don't believe they celebrate Christmas), b) thicker than a whale omelette and c) unlikely to have had anything more calorific than gentleman-juice in her mouth since the turn of the century . Is anything television related getting on your wick this Christmas?