Over five thousand years ago Moses said to the children of Israel "Pick up your shovel, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the promised land." Nearly 50 years ago, Harold Wilson said, "Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, light up a camel; this is the promised land." Then Gordon Brown stole your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price of camels, and mortgaged the promised land. Now David Cameron has raised my fuel bills, increased VAT to 20%, is threatening to sell off our promised land. I got so depressed last night I called the Samaritans, they diverted my call to a call centre in Pakistan . I told them I was suicidal. They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck!