Morris dancing

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Taff49, Jul 15, 2011.

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  1. So I’ve had a pretty good day and my lad is at cricket, it’s a nice evening so I opt to sit in the garden of my local having a quiet pint of Budvar and intercept T49 junior as he cycles home from the cricket club.

    I get into conversation with an American family (decent types, not fat, loud wankish ones) and all is going quite well in my world.

    Then the fucking Morris Dancers turned up.

    WTF is that all about? A dozen blokes dressed in white trying (and failing) to hit each other with cricket stumps, while some bearded old twat proves he can’t play the penny whistle?
    And each of them had a battered pewter tankard with them. And, while the oldest of the cunts spouted off about how old a tradition this was, I noticed that one of them was fuckin Chinese!! A chinese morris dancer?!?

    The old bearded bastard seemed to be the ringleader, and kept spouting utter bollocks between each “dance”, giving a bit of faux-history to each one. It sounded like he was cuffing it, quite frankly, claiming that “following dance is to honour the Orthodontists of Chester-Le-Street” or some such nonsense.

    After half an hour of drivel and prancing around, they had the brass neck to put the hat around! My new American friend was sharp enough to put a dollar bill in, and I had a couple of Hungarian florins left over, so they got those, cheeky cunts

    It’s not often that I yearn for a GPMG and a belt of 4-bit, and I was minded of the only bit of decent advice my dear old dad gave me.

    “Try everything once son, apart from incest and Morris dancing”
  2. Ah, let them off. They're just a bunch of weirdos. No different to trainspotters, stamp collectors or ballroom dancers. Its an old English tradition, an lord knows, we have few enough of them as it is. Yes its a bit silly and a bit naff, but aren't most traditions? And as for the rest.... Theyre a scruffy bunch with an old cnut in charge, showing up one evening and weekends to go through the motions. Sound familiar?
  3. Morris dancing, derived from Moorish Dancing, to celebrate the driving thr Moors out of Spain, very English.
  4. Zen


    Was his name Tropper??
  5. Well, what is English? Having been conquered by so many people in their early history. But you would appreciate that too, being, I suspect from a down-trodden nation (I apologise for the assumption, I am basing it purely on your name)
  6. Why not incest? Are all the women in your family, pigs?

    Actually best thing you can do is fill their pig bladders with nitro glycerin and stand well back.

  7. Incest. There are more games the whole family can play than Monoploy
    • Like Like x 3
  8. Zen


    Incest. Its not just for kids.
  9. The UK Morris Dancing squad 2011

  10. Tropper invented Morris Dancing.

  11. Mashitup!
  12. I don't fancy yours; she's a bit of a dog...

    ..No thanks, I've already called the taxi and it's too warm for a coat.
  13. I've done worse.
  14. Heather Morris dancing

    • Like Like x 2
  15. Was it Five of them with the swords? If so I believe that is called 'rapper' and the swords are what they used to scape pit Ponys with. If not, Ill shut up. Fuckin spotter that I am.