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Morris dancing

#1
So I’ve had a pretty good day and my lad is at cricket, it’s a nice evening so I opt to sit in the garden of my local having a quiet pint of Budvar and intercept T49 junior as he cycles home from the cricket club.

I get into conversation with an American family (decent types, not fat, loud wankish ones) and all is going quite well in my world.

Then the fucking Morris Dancers turned up.

WTF is that all about? A dozen blokes dressed in white trying (and failing) to hit each other with cricket stumps, while some bearded old twat proves he can’t play the penny whistle?
And each of them had a battered pewter tankard with them. And, while the oldest of the cunts spouted off about how old a tradition this was, I noticed that one of them was fuckin Chinese!! A chinese morris dancer?!?

The old bearded bastard seemed to be the ringleader, and kept spouting utter bollocks between each “dance”, giving a bit of faux-history to each one. It sounded like he was cuffing it, quite frankly, claiming that “following dance is to honour the Orthodontists of Chester-Le-Street” or some such nonsense.

After half an hour of drivel and prancing around, they had the brass neck to put the hat around! My new American friend was sharp enough to put a dollar bill in, and I had a couple of Hungarian florins left over, so they got those, cheeky cunts

It’s not often that I yearn for a GPMG and a belt of 4-bit, and I was minded of the only bit of decent advice my dear old dad gave me.

“Try everything once son, apart from incest and Morris dancing”
 
#2
Ah, let them off. They're just a bunch of weirdos. No different to trainspotters, stamp collectors or ballroom dancers. Its an old English tradition, an lord knows, we have few enough of them as it is. Yes its a bit silly and a bit naff, but aren't most traditions? And as for the rest.... Theyre a scruffy bunch with an old cnut in charge, showing up one evening and weekends to go through the motions. Sound familiar?
 

Zen

Old-Salt
#4
The old bearded bastard seemed to be the ringleader, and kept spouting utter bollocks between each “dance”, giving a bit of faux-history to each one. It sounded like he was cuffing it, quite frankly, claiming that “following dance is to honour the Orthodontists of Chester-Le-Street” or some such nonsense.
Was his name Tropper??
 
#5
Well, what is English? Having been conquered by so many people in their early history. But you would appreciate that too, being, I suspect from a down-trodden nation (I apologise for the assumption, I am basing it purely on your name)
 
#15
I think they're alright myself. Some of them anyway look they do actually get a work out and enjoy a decent piss up afterwards. Some I agree look they enjoy a bit of paedo action or collect dust.

One incident which put me off tho was being in a small pub/bar for a birthday bash and they came in, presumably with agreement of the nutty lady landlord and started doing a dance...IN...the pub...so we are pints to chest...eyes darting about, red faced angry...then to make it worse they got some fake 'swords' (squared edged bits of steel or aluminium so not real blades as such)...which made us have to squash in even more....and did a dance waving them about. I was pretty livid by then. Although OK it was for childrens charity they could have bloody well adjusted their routine and left the shitty sword bit out and just waved hands about. A point I made with gritted teth as put my money in the pot. To which of course they took offence etc. Cretins.
Was it Five of them with the swords? If so I believe that is called 'rapper' and the swords are what they used to scape pit Ponys with. If not, Ill shut up. Fuckin spotter that I am.
 
#19
You are obviously quite correct,and I do apologise,proof as if it is needed,that I cannot multi task .
Anyway it's POETS so I don't care.
No, no...... dont apologise. To be fair, I was kind of hypnotised by Heather myself......

In the immortal words of the Macc Lads "The weekend is on us and its time for a bath, we'll go and sup some bodies and we'll have a good laugh"

But they were cunts.
 
#20
Doesn't the HAC have a Morris dancing group? I'm sure I've heard the jingle of bells and the slapping of balloons on sticks when passing by the manicured lawns of Armoury House. I recall 16 Airborne were keen on the tradition way back in the late '60's. There was a lot of LSD around at the time so my memory isn't what it should be.
 

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