Morrello - Award Winning Ammo Boot Polish

Discussion in 'The Lamp and Sandbag II - The Tall Story Strikes B' started by Tastytoggle, Jan 9, 2010.

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  1. You've got to be fcukin kiddin'! I've just seen an advertisement for "Morrello - Award Winning Ammo Boot polish - on E Bay"!

    Morrello isn't a polish - it's a fuckin' lacquer! The lazy item's shine, easily recognized by its thin veneer and tendency to go yellow when wet.

    I saw a Drill pig screw the end of his pace stick into a bloke's toe cap because he rightly suspected that the shine was half bull, half morrello, but the best and worst memory of such things was my mate in the next bedspace who hit upon the idea of using kiwi and aftershave. He got a lovely shine, but not content with that, he stuck them under the cold water tap the following morning to "water bull" the overnight dust from them. To our horror, the polish flaked right off and copped him the most almighty bollocking because by that time it was too late to do anything about it.

    Ah, happy days, but "Morrello"? Pah! Pah!
     
  2. Jacobean Oak, lovingly dripped on, one drop at a time from the end of a matchstick works for me.
     
  3. Ammo boots deserve only Kiwi or cherry blossom at a push,
     
  4. Ah! Morrello and Klear, the lazy sods' bull...until it rains, :twisted:
     
  5. crap i use them both never once have they shattered, turned blue, fell off, disintergrated.
     
  6. Jacobean Oak varnish has been known to fail once, it was at Buck house. The guilty person was a young Rupert so he may well of cocked up the application process.
     
  7. I remember a particularly inspiring Gunner in my Regiment stagging on at the main gate. The Badge passes by and is prompted to ask 'Is that paint on your boots?' to which our hero replied 'No Sir, its Klear'
    You can work out the rest......
     
  8. Heretic or RAF? 8O
     
  9. Tom Morello - award winning guitarist with Rage Against The Machine and Audioslave.
     
  10. Life is too short.
     
  11. I confess.

    There was a single stage in my Army career that I used Klear. There was a bloke in the unit who regularly used it. His boots were shiny, but didn't have the even finish that comes with proper bulling. Nevertheless, I was impressed by the speed with which he was able to get a shine on. Applying logic, I assessed that his problem was that he hadn't bulled his boots first and that if I applied Klear over my bulled boots, I should get a good result.

    So that's what I did, and sure enough, I obtained a fantastic smooth shine. They didn't crack or go blue like some people had warned, so I was impressed. Now, that might have been the end of the matter, but I was in the habit of alternating my boots - being TA, we never really had an opportunity to show off best boots (I've only worn No.2s once in 35 years), so bulling them was just a case of showing off - and the unfortunate happened, I got a barbed wire scratch along the full length of one toe cap.

    That's when I discovered that Klear damage wasn't repairable. You couldn't fill the gouge with Klear and you couldn't get a decent thickness of Kiwi to stick to the surrounding Klear. The only way to remove the Klear was to melt the underlying Kiwi off the entire boot, requiring that the bulling process be started from scratch.

    I learned my lesson. But I will also confess that Kiwi Elite (or whatever name it goes by now) has a place in my boot cleaning kit - just for tactical touch-ups, you understand.
     
  12. Army fella
     
  13. AlienFTM

    AlienFTM LE Book Reviewer

    I was in Command Troop. Must have been 78 or probably 79. We had a parade for some reason or another. Big Lou was RSM and I was in his troop. He always picked on me and shouted at me on parade but never punished me in any way. I wasn't in any way scruffy understand - he just saw me as easy pickings. Besides, in 1980 he volunteered me and one other to represent 15th/19th The King's Royal Hussars at HMQ's official birthday parade at JHQ in full Peace-Time Uniform and four days learning sabre drill so that we and two members of every other cavalry regiment in BAOR could line the square while the band of the Black Watch Black Beared up and down in front of a grandstand.

    Anyway, this parade ... a tin of Morello was making its way round the HQ Squadron accommodation. My boots were in pretty good nick and I wasn't in the least bit worried, even though I knew Lou would take the p!ss cos he always did, even when I drove him or we shared a radio stag. I figured if every lazy barsteward in HQ Squadron was going to take the easy way out, and I have to admit, Morello did a good job, I wasn't going to let him take the p!ss cos theirs were better than mine and he couldn't jail the whole squadron could he?

    So he does the front rank and rips into random people as you'd expect. Comes to the second rank and he goes racing down. Stops mid-stride and looks down at my boots. "What have you put on them boots Trooper Alien?"

    Now it said, in German, on the Morello tin, "shoe polish", so I told him in all honesty. "Boot polish, sir."

    "What else?"

    "Nothing sir." (Understand that Lou was so tall that even with my chin up, under the peak of my twat-hat all I could see was his medals, and I am not short. He drove a Mini when Minis were small. I used to marvel that he didn't open the sunroof.) I felt like I was in a scene from Michael Bentine's Potty Time, where the characters have no head, just a hat sat on the shoulders. But I was committed.

    "It's facking Klear, isn't it?"

    Indignant (because it wasn't Klear) I carried on, "There is nothing on my boots but black shoe polish, sir."

    He kept pushing and pushing but I refused to be intimidated (cos I wasn't lying: all that was on my boots WAS black shoe polish). In the end he went of in search of easier pickings. In the end, he probably spent as long having a go at me as he would have anyway, but I marked it off as a moral victory because he hadn't asked if it was Morello and I wasn't going to lie.

    Never tried that again. Just elbow grease for me.
     
  14. Never Cherry :x
     
  15. old_fat_and_hairy

    old_fat_and_hairy LE Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    As an ex-Greenjacket, I have to ask. What is this "polish" thing, and is not a bull a bovine creature?