Morrello - Award Winning Ammo Boot Polish

You've got to be fcukin kiddin'! I've just seen an advertisement for "Morrello - Award Winning Ammo Boot polish - on E Bay"!

Morrello isn't a polish - it's a fuckin' lacquer! The lazy item's shine, easily recognized by its thin veneer and tendency to go yellow when wet.

I saw a Drill pig screw the end of his pace stick into a bloke's toe cap because he rightly suspected that the shine was half bull, half morrello, but the best and worst memory of such things was my mate in the next bedspace who hit upon the idea of using kiwi and aftershave. He got a lovely shine, but not content with that, he stuck them under the cold water tap the following morning to "water bull" the overnight dust from them. To our horror, the polish flaked right off and copped him the most almighty bollocking because by that time it was too late to do anything about it.

Ah, happy days, but "Morrello"? Pah! Pah!

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