Morning Glory.

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by reassuringly_badgers, Jul 12, 2005.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Isn't morning glory great?

    Every morning, depending on stocks of mayo, you wake up with a great big pink lobster grinning straight at you. I always like to play "tents" in the early hours before I strike camp and head off grumble-eyed to the shower.

    Using a lob on the size of the London "Gherkin" to poke one's bedfellow is not the recommended way to wake them... A lucky strike, however, can sometimes ensure early morning fellatio...

    Gentlemen! Your views please... is Morning Glory a wonderful and natural way of displaying one's manliness, not dissimilar to the peacock's display of feathers? OR... is it a simply a pain in the todger and not worth the grief you get from the other side of the bed...?
  2. Oh yes! sign of virility and the prime of life... why, every morning at 0600 I have a slash like a stallion on the stable yard, 0630 - curl one out like a baby elephant's trunk....

    Problem is I don't wake up until 0700!! :oops:
  3. Morning Glory - what a great flower.
  4. It has it's plusses and minuses. Like everything really!

    Plus: You can wave it at the Mrs, and maybe, get lucky in the morning. :D
    Minus: you need to have a p1ss in the mornings and it can get messy, should you be getting laid at the time. :cry:

    Plus: You wake up, having not "unloaded" for a few days with a lob on. :D
    Minus: You're in a 16 man room. :cry:
  5. maninblack

    maninblack LE Book Reviewer

    Ah, the old LAZY LOB, no mental effort required and you can give the ball and chain a good seeing to.

    Mind you, if the ball and chain isn't playing you need to beat its skull in with a tin of shaving foam before you can drain your bag of sugar puff juice.
  6. many the time i've ran to work still tucking my shirt in cos it seemed a shame to waste my morning glory
  7. Morning glory...God's gift to men and women as it makes that "BJ wake up call" much easier than having to start it from scratch every morning.

    Or is it just me that likes to do that for him instead of having the alarm clock go off?
  8. tease
  9. Morning Glory. Aaaahhhh, God's natural gift to man. What better way to greet a new day. If with a lady, its fun before breaker. I for one am a huge fan of early morning duvet wrestling. No finer time.

    Even if your alone, how can a man resist the calling of his little soldier? I think the next time I'm late to work I shall proudly say when asked why, "Sorry Colonel, but I had morning glory and felt compelled to deal with it". I am sure ever man will understand that it is a valid excuse.
  10. Please let us know how well that works out for you
  11. J_D

    J_D LE

    Sounds like a bunch of over excited lads at the crack of dawn!
  12. it's one of the best bits of being a bloke .... and there are a few to choose from

    there's nothing better than going to sleep KNOWING that you're body will not let you roll out of bed in the morning

    a good morning glory reminds you how great it is to be able to slash standing up .... even though that's not advisable no matter how full the bilge tanks are.

    i often wonder if Girls get an equivalent "morning wide on" i don't suppose they do or the population of the world would of reached capacity centuries ago.

    the morning glory just seems ... well, harder than a normal lob on, a f*cking cat couldn't scratch mine but combined with sleep filled eyes and that normal morning clumsiness it can be a bit of a liability, i have in no particular order.

    burnt my bell end on a radiator
    shut it in a draw
    hid behid my front door in the nip and answered it only to realise the tip of my c0ck was "emerging" half way down.... v v embarrassing
    p1ssed up the wall above the cistern in my lav, knocking of a picture of the doris' parents in the process.

    but for these minor drawbacks i wouldn't change it for the world, i think we should declare the 1st of August
    "National morning glory day" with celebrations all over he country along the lines of the VE day party

    what could our national symbol be?
  13. RTFQ


    Has anyone else found themselves on the "Morning Glory Circuit?" It normally happens around christmas if you've recently found yourself 1 x Amoral Medic, girlfriend, for the use of (ADAC: 19001-06). Professional courtesy dictates that you give her at least 3 or 4 of those orgasnons that they keep harping on about, if only to ensure you get a decent chrimbo present. Unfortunately, the run-up to christmas knock-off involves The Week of a Thousand P1ss-Ups and you usually stagger home after a Bring-a-Boss or Sqn do, holed below the water line and ablaze amidships - covered in someone else's vomit and yet another's urine. Now nurses are great at cleaning you up, but I find they are a little hesitant in letting you 'thumb in a slacky' when you have trouble locating, let alone focussing on, her miffkin and after they've spent 20 mins wiping detritus off your mess kit. Besides, by the time the've thrown the alco wipes in the bin and slipped off their latex gloves, one is often comatose and dreaming about drinking gallons and gallons of water.
    The only way to service your new fwuffy bunny is to rely on morning wood, and hope that you manage to put in 120 strokes per minute without being violently sick all over her. The problem, of course, is that you also need to empty 18 pints of processed lager from your bladder at the same time. Any 'girl on top' manoeuvres are out of the question as a result and you must have total control over your bladder and prostate at the same time. Once the lady seems satisfied, it is acceptable to lag a little bit in her to pretend you've 'arrived' before running to the toilet without hugging her - these are extreme circumstances after all.

    After a week of this you are very grateful for the traditional y-front stand-to; a girl who goes to work satisfied is a girl who doesn't slag you off to the other nurses at naafi break ;)
  14. ^ Having been with Mrs. Veg for thirteen years I marvel, slightly jealously at this parallel universe that singlies like you live in. Nothing further to add!

  15. RT - you sure she's a proper nurse? She sounds awfully picky. Wiping up wee and vomit in latex is usually foreplay for most nurses.