I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair, but by turning to religion I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we're stoning the slag in the morning! The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers....... so I did....she's 21 and her name's Shirley. My girlfriend said she was leaving me due to my obsession with the 60's group The Monkees. I thought she was joking........And then I saw her face! My budgie broke his leg today so I made him a little splint out of a couple of Swan Vesta matches.....his little face lit up when he tried to walk.