Moral Dilemma?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by blind_monkey, Aug 30, 2009.

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  1. Hang the phone up quietly and pretend it was a wrong call...

  2. Hang the phone up and call Plod immediately...

  3. Motor over there at full speed, pulling in whatever favours you can, to assist with him the 'cl

  1. Your Oppo calls you late one night.

    He's in a state.

    He's discovered his missus in bed with some random.

    Both are now resting peacefully on some plastic sheeting.

    He's asking for your assist. Would you.....
  2. I wouldn't go online asking for hypothetical tips!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  3. Bugger.....
  4. CountryGal

    CountryGal LE Book Reviewer

  5. Do we have access to pigs and power tools
  6. Anything goes...
  7. Kill him.


    You're always gonna have problems lifting a body in one piece. Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together. Now when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it's no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig".
  8. You haven't thought this through then :p
  9. No he has not! Feed them to the pigs!?! Sod that - Keep 'em warm for a while and have some fun! Don't forget your camera! :twisted:
  10. For a suitable fee I can dispose of the evidence where it will never be found. Not ever......
  11. There was a time when you could throughput human remains via the burners at the Isle of Grain power station. Allegedly.
  12. And for the teeth and any other bone like material, hydrofluoric acid is pretty good at dissolving materials with high calcium content. Don't however spill it on your skin, not only will it soak straight through and dissolve your own bones (bit of own goal), it will also cause a fairly rapid cardiac arrest. Nasty stuff. Good for bones tho' :-D

    For hair, burn it, high temperatures ideally, talking plus 1500C and as this will destroy any DNA residue. I'd suggest a thermite mix with Magnesium powder added to increase the overall temperature. Wear dark glasses to protect your eyes it's going to be pretty bright and use a clay or ceramic pot with a low moisture content to avoid premature explosions. :p
  13. Knacker yard. £10 or a go on your sister. Apparently
  14. BiscuitsAB

    BiscuitsAB LE Moderator

    lamp them both out.

    Hire a rent boy get him to fuck the bloke and take video and lots of still. get blokes details from wallet and car. blackmail him.

    inject her with a syringe of saline but bodge it and leave a nice bruise. when she comes to tell her it was a syringe of Hiv infected blood and watch her spiral into insanity for the 13 weeks it takes before she can get a test result.

    that'll learn them both proper.
  15. You'd be lucky, she's as gay as an army Padre. Definitely.