Monkey whores

#1
No, not the RMP for a change. Apparently, macaque monkeys have been shown to commodify sex, showing that there may be evolutionary reasons for women being manipulative spunk-buckets.

New Scientist, so you know it's reliable. What a job.
 

Biped

LE
Book Reviewer
#2
Take a bint out for dinner, tell her she looks great, massage her ego, shag her. Buy a house, be THE man, earn good money, keep shagging her . . .

have a baby, stop shagging, stray, divorce, lose everything . . .

At least macaque monkeys don't have mortgages and lawyers.
 
#3
"On average, females had sex 1.5 times per hour, but immediately after being groomed by a male partner, this rate jumped to 3.5 times per hour. "

.......Put a wedding ring on her finger, and it'll drop to 3.5 times per year.................if you're lucky!!! :cry:
 
#4
I had a go at that 'grooming' lark once, but had to give it up. The flights to Portugal were costing me a fortune.

Never found a female who would do it 1.5 times per hour, though. Not with me, anyway.
 
#5
1.5 times? Does she have the full works and then get half way through round two and decide "it hurts" and make him stop?
 
#6
This certainly wins the "Best Thread Title of 2008 so far" award.

I'm not surprised, most of the whores round my way look, and smell, like monkeys.
 
#7
Of the auther of the investigation.

"My interest in this study stemmed from Trivers's theory of reciprocal altruism," says Gumert.
Nothing at all to do with Monkies shagging then? :twisted:
 

Biped

LE
Book Reviewer
#8
chocolate_frog said:
Of the auther of the investigation.

"My interest in this study stemmed from Trivers's theory of reciprocal altruism," says Gumert.
Nothing at all to do with Monkies shagging then? :twisted:
"reciprocal altruism"

'You give me money, keep me groomed, and I'll not divorce you and take everything.'

'Yes dear, but can I still have sex once in a blue moon?'
 
#9
What shocks me is that Darwin wrote Origin of Species in 1859 and people still think we're still super distinct from other animals, we're just monkeys with bigger brains and opposable thumbs, thats it. This just further confirms that we don't have special status.

Great title for the thread tho.

TB
 
#10
chocolate_frog said:
Of the auther of the investigation.

"My interest in this study stemmed from Trivers's theory of reciprocal altruism," says Gumert.
Nothing at all to do with Monkies shagging then? :twisted:
Prooof positive he doesn't work for The Scum. They just love stories about Monkeys getting their kit off.
 
#11
TopBadger said:
What shocks me is that Darwin wrote Origin of Species in 1859 and people still think we're still super distinct from other animals, we're just monkeys with bigger brains and opposable thumbs, thats it. This just further confirms that we don't have special status.

Great title for the thread tho.

TB
Nearly all Old World monkeys have opposable thumbs, as do the great apes, oppossum and racoons. It is our upright gate, brain size, language and consciousness that distinguishes us from apes et al.
 
#12
Bat_Crab said:
It is our upright gate, brain size, language and consciousness that distinguishes us from apes et al.
Come now, I've been to Liverpool. You're not fooling anyone.
 
#13
Bat_Crab said:
TopBadger said:
What shocks me is that Darwin wrote Origin of Species in 1859 and people still think we're still super distinct from other animals, we're just monkeys with bigger brains and opposable thumbs, thats it. This just further confirms that we don't have special status.

Great title for the thread tho.

TB
Nearly all Old World monkeys have opposable thumbs, as do the great apes, oppossum and racoons. It is our upright gate, brain size, language and consciousness that distinguishes us from apes et al.
Shouldn't that be distinguishes some of us :roll:
 

Attachments

#14
a_nony_mouse said:
Bat_Crab said:
TopBadger said:
What shocks me is that Darwin wrote Origin of Species in 1859 and people still think we're still super distinct from other animals, we're just monkeys with bigger brains and opposable thumbs, thats it. This just further confirms that we don't have special status.

Great title for the thread tho.

TB
Nearly all Old World monkeys have opposable thumbs, as do the great apes, oppossum and racoons. It is our upright gate, brain size, language and consciousness that distinguishes us from apes et al.
Shouldn't that be distinguishes some of us :roll:
Breakfast gone, thank heaven you posted that before lunch!

Note that the advantage of an opposable thumb for a monkey whore is that they can administer a much more effective hand job.
 
#15
smartascarrots said:
I had a go at that 'grooming' lark once, but had to give it up. The flights to Portugal were costing me a fortune.

Never found a female who would do it 1.5 times per hour, though. Not with me, anyway.
Just out of curiosity, what is your idea of grooming? Poking a lady in the back isn't funny or erotic :wink:
 
#16
Biped said:
Take a bint out for dinner, tell her she looks great, massage her ego, shag her. Buy a house, be THE man, earn good money, keep shagging her . . .

have a baby, stop shagging, stray, divorce, lose everything . . .

At least macaque monkeys don't have mortgages and lawyers.
and you don't have to pick fleas off and eat them....well in MOST cases anyway!
 
#17
Bat_Crab said:
TopBadger said:
What shocks me is that Darwin wrote Origin of Species in 1859 and people still think we're still super distinct from other animals, we're just monkeys with bigger brains and opposable thumbs, thats it. This just further confirms that we don't have special status.

Great title for the thread tho.

TB
Nearly all Old World monkeys have opposable thumbs, as do the great apes, oppossum and racoons. It is our upright gate, brain size, language and consciousness that distinguishes us from apes et al.
Wow, super distinct. And are you seriously saying that monkeys (and dogs, cats, etc for that matter) aren't conscious? They seem to know how to wind each other up, cause fights, etc. As far as i know no one has satisfactorally defined consciousness!

Language is just another means of communication, stemming from our bigger brain. Animals do communicate with each other.

Some people think animals can't count too...

To those that think humans are somehow 'special', we're not. Get over it.

TB
 
#18
TopBadger said:
Bat_Crab said:
TopBadger said:
What shocks me is that Darwin wrote Origin of Species in 1859 and people still think we're still super distinct from other animals, we're just monkeys with bigger brains and opposable thumbs, thats it. This just further confirms that we don't have special status.

Great title for the thread tho.

TB
Nearly all Old World monkeys have opposable thumbs, as do the great apes, oppossum and racoons. It is our upright gate, brain size, language and consciousness that distinguishes us from apes et al.
Wow, super distinct. And are you seriously saying that monkeys (and dogs, cats, etc for that matter) aren't conscious? They seem to know how to wind each other up, cause fights, etc. As far as i know no one has satisfactorally defined consciousness!

Language is just another means of communication, stemming from our bigger brain. Animals do communicate with each other.

Some people think animals can't count too...

To those that think humans are somehow 'special', we're not. Get over it.

TB
Much as I hate to let Wikipedia do my work for me, I'm off at 1200 and this article is actually quite good:

Wiki

As for language, there is a difference between communicating by sound and developing a specific lexicon with fundamentals of syntax, grammar and an alphabet allowing it to be written down. Animals can count, in so far as even very simple animals can tell whether there are more of a particular item in one pile than in another, counting is not remarkable, mathematics is.

Insofar as we are animals, humans are not particularly remarkable but it is our unremarkableness (not a word, sorry) that makes us stand out. We do not specialise in one particular skill, we are not the fastest, tallest or strongest, we are not the best hunters, we are not poisonous, but we are jacks of all trades. Our ability to adapt is well ahead of any other animal because we can make a wide range of tools and employ clothing. Our social ability is exceptional and it is this that allows our infants to be born helpless and take years to mature to a survival level that a baby gazelle reaches in a matter of hours.

We are only animals, but what animals we are! We have every right to consider much of what we do to be exceptional, hence why a report of traditionally anthropomorphic characteristics in another species is considered remarkable.
 
#19
Biped said:
Take a bint out for dinner, tell her she looks great, massage her ego, shag her. Buy a house, be THE man, earn good money, keep shagging her . . .

have a baby, stop shagging, stray, divorce, lose everything . .
.

At least macaque monkeys don't have mortgages and lawyers.
fukc me biped didnt know you knew me so well
 
#20
a_nony_mouse said:
smartascarrots said:
I had a go at that 'grooming' lark once, but had to give it up. The flights to Portugal were costing me a fortune.

Never found a female who would do it 1.5 times per hour, though. Not with me, anyway.
Just out of curiosity, what is your idea of grooming? Poking a lady in the back isn't funny or erotic :wink:
Well, trawling Facebook and pretending to be twelve as well are generally good starting points. Then, it's a matter of how easily she can evade her parents to meet up.
 

Similar threads

Latest Threads

Top