Monkey Spanker

Discussion in 'The ARRSE Hole' started by jojo47, Aug 20, 2007.

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  1. lol, thats priceless.
  2. going to get one.
    thats megga.
  3. Bwwhahahaha,

    Reviews on its site from customers;

    "The 'Monkey Spanker' male vibrator is a brand new tool for wanking your cock! Does it work? YOU BET IT DOES! We'd gladly sacrifice a leg to get our hands on a machine of this masturbatory magnificence!"

    "This is absolutely fantastic, I have bought loads of pumps in the past and this beats them into the ground. This has got to be the male equivalent of the Rabbit Vibrator."
    "An excellent device which still had me shaking for 10 mins after coming."
    "Ace! Boyfriend loved it, tonnes of fun, best birthday prezzie I got him."
    "Got one from my girlfriend - she blindfolded me and slipped it on my dick; I thought I was getting a blowjob. Nice one!"
    "This is a must have for those times when you have to do it and there is no one around. (10 / 10)"
    "Loved my Monkey Spanker so much I took it on a trip to France. Got searched at customs, they thought I was carrying drugs and pulled it to bits! Can I buy another one please"


    "If you're a bird, you're laughing when it comes to wanking contraptions. Anything that can, will and shouldn't fit in the old front bum has been fashioned moulded branded packaged and promoted to the extent that the average Soho sex-shop may as well be split into His & Hers... Porn for the fellas and Rubber Cocks for the ladies. But now, at last, there's something to spice up the standard five-knuckler without sticking a fourteen inch Black Mamba up your farter... The Monkey Spanker really does represent a revolution in Wank County... it feels good - it doesn't compromise the male ego by suggesting any homo-erotic activity, it REALLY DOES feel like a twitching sphincter wrapped 'round the soldier, and it'll bring you off without so much as as a reverse thumb banjo scrub or a knacker-sack squeeze. After six or seven spanks it seemed like the only thing that'd get in the way of a good tug ever again would be a dead battery! And the Monkey Spanker comes complete with spare power cells! The only real problem might be that you'll need a trade account with ErosUK to keep the necessary lube in stock... If you buy a Monkey Spanker and feel that it doesn't cut the biscuit when it comes to the crunch - The Independent Porn Review will personally compensate the disappointed individual with ten thousand pounds worth of Kleenex tissues... we're that confident!
  4. Pleeeeese.

    Before you all go out and buy one, we sell the same item for an awful lot cheaper - only £16.95

    Here it is: Monkey Spanker £16.95 at

    I did not want to make such an obvious marketing link to our website, but I was just angry at the price they were selling it at! So sorry in advance.

    Also if you mention in the comments box that you are from the Army Rumour Service, we will throw in free lube and batteries for you!

  5. Will eagerly wait one of the guys buying one,and a full report on what it was like :D
  6. Auld-Yin

    Auld-Yin LE Reviewer Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    What's wrong with the 5 fingered widow? Cums (sic) at a much lower price and stands the test of time and experiment.

    Cue expected comments from the Usual Suspects. Any bets on the first to bite?